


Changes

by zsomeone



Series: Changes [1]
Category: Metalocalypse
Genre: F/M, M/M, Murder, Suicide Attempt, Vampires
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-09-28
Updated: 2009-11-03
Packaged: 2018-03-16 17:11:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 18
Words: 55,535
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3496319
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zsomeone/pseuds/zsomeone
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Toki gets bored and does something stupid, causing much worry.<br/>Warnings: bad judgement, attempted murder, and a mystery </p><p>Summaries will vary by chapter, as to not give it all away from the start.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

_This was the wrong thing to do_  
_This was the wrong one to be doing_  
_This was the road to destiny_  
_This was the road to my ruin_  
-Megadeth “This was my Life” 

 

It was late night at Mordhaus, and Toki was very bored. He was looking for someone to pal around with, but they all seemed to be busy.  
He’d found Nathan reading in his room, but when he got into a book you couldn’t distract him until he was through. After his attempts got only grunts for replies, Toki gave up and looked elsewhere.  
Skwisgaar was practicing, and told him to go away. He looked like he would be at it for hours anyway, he just got that way sometimes when he played. Unless he wanted to practice with him, there was no point in hanging around. And he just didn’t feel like taking the associated abuse at the moment.

Pickles turned up in the hot tub, alone and happy to have some company. “Heeey Toki! Cahm’on, git in an’ drink with me.”  
Toki happily complied, and Pickles handed him a drink from the huge pitcher he had beside him.  
It tasted really strong, and probably was. Pickles had been known to add a few drops of food coloring to a glass of straight whiskey and call it a mixed drink.  
But he drank it, because he was really bored, and getting drunk sounded like a pretty good idea.  
A few glasses later, neither of them were really capable of conversation any more. Everything was funny though, and they laughed a lot, spilling colored liquid into the water.  
Then Pickles, who had quite a head start on the heavy drinking, crawled out of the hot tub and passed out, knocking over the pitcher and wasting the little amount that remained.

Toki sighed. Well Pickles was down, and he was now really drunk but still bored. He headed off in search of somebody else to pal around with.  
He found Murderface watching tv, and flopped down on the couch across from him. “Heys Moiderface, what’s you doings?”  
“I’m watching thish civil war reenactment, scho be quiet.”  
“You’s not a lot of funs, Moiderface.”  
“I don’t care. Schut up Toki, I’m trying to hear thish.”  
Frowning, Toki tried to get interested in the program, but it just couldn’t hold what little attention span he had left. He started checking the couch cushions. Maybe Pickles had stashed some alcohol in here and forgot about it. 

He felt something long and slim tucked down between the cushions. His first instinct was to yank his hand away, but he’d already touched it so he might as well see what it was.  
Hoping like hell it wasn’t somebody’s forgotten sex toy, he pulled it out.  
A flashlight, it was just a flashlight, one of those little ones. He tried the switch, it was really, really bright.  
Murderface was ignoring him, that wasn’t nice. He flashed the light into his face a few times.  
That got an instant reaction. “Damnit Toki, shtop that!” Murderface tried to resume watching his program.  
Giggling at this new entertainment, Toki did it some more, keeping it up despite the threats Murderface was now shouting at him, flashing the light repeatedly.

With a enraged howl, Murderface sprang off the couch, pulling out his knife. “FUCK YOU TOKI, I TOLD YOU TO STHOP THAT SCHIT!” He lunged.  
Toki, belatedly realizing that he’d pushed the man too far, scrambled over the back of the couch just before Murderface landed on it, knife first.  
Deciding that it was a very good time to leave the room, he did so, running unsteadily for the door.  
He narrowly avoided slamming into the side of the frame, his aim wasn’t so good right then, but made it through.  
It was good to know that even this drunk, he was still faster than Murderface.

Toki kept running for a while, taking random turns and occasionally grazing one of the walls.  
Finding a staircase, he went down, wandering deeper into the depths of the Haus.  
Things were looking different. The walls were still stone, but not like he was used to, they looked older or something. The torches weren’t on these levels, just a wire tacked along the ceiling, connecting bare bulbs. They were spaced so far apart that there was a moment of almost total darkness when moving between the weak cones of light.  
In one of the darker areas, Toki noticed a doorway. Maybe there would be something interesting and long forgotten in there?  
Looking in the doorway, he couldn’t see a thing.

Toki fumbled for the light switch, unsure of where he was now. There didn’t seen to be one, only rough stones. Maybe he should just turn around, go back? But they didn’t want him around anyway, and what if there really was something cool down here that he could discover? He was guessing that this was maybe an old storeroom or something. But it was so dark...  
Suddenly remembering, he checked his pockets. Yes! He’d automatically pocketed the flashlight he’d been using to pester Murderface before being chased out of the room.  
Turning it on, he surveyed what parts the narrow beam could reach.  
It wasn’t a very big room, and there was a solid blanket of dust over everything. It was clear that nobody had been in here for an extremely long time.

There were some dusty old bottles in the corner, really old fashioned ones. Curious and hopeful, he opened one and sniffed the contents. It was alcohol, or at least something alcoholic. Smelled funny, maybe it was spoiled? Could alcohol even go bad?  
Not one afraid to try new things, he dared to take a sip.  
He shuddered at the taste. Underneath the alcohol taste, there was something kind of horrible about it. The second sip wasn’t as bad though, so he kept drinking. Worse case scenario, he’d end up puking, but that was pretty likely already so he really didn’t care.

Even drinking as quickly as possible in an attempt to deal with the taste, he probably wasn’t going to be able to finish more than one bottle. Well he knew where it was, he could come back the next time they didn’t want him around, his secret place.  
He had barely finished the first one when he suddenly felt very bad. Trying not to throw up, he abandoned his newfound stash and stumbled out of the room, forgetting his flashlight. No matter, the dimly backlit open door was an easy target, even for someone no longer capable of walking even remotely straight.  
All he wanted now was to get to his room and pass out, without puking if that was possible.

Somehow, he found his way back to the regular levels. Weaving badly, staggering back and forth across the hallways running into the walls, he amazingly managed to find his room.  
Practically falling into his bed, he managed to pull off only his shirt and boots before collapsing completely. Reaching down, he tugged the blanket over himself.  
Toki felt horrible, worse than he ever had before.  
He was thinking that he should get back up, puke if he could.  
But he couldn’t, he just couldn’t move.  
It wasn’t long before he passed out.

**** 

It was mid afternoon when Nathan realized that they hadn’t seen Toki yet that day. True, they’d only been up for a couple hours, but he was never the last one up. Checking in on him wouldn’t be caring, it would just be... satisfying his curiosity.  
Not bothering to say anything to the others, he got up and headed for Toki’s room. If he wasn’t there, then he was probably awake and avoiding them, pissed off about last night or something. He got that way sometimes, but he always got over it.

It simply didn’t occur to Nathan to knock, or that the door might be locked. But the door wasn’t locked, so that wasn’t a problem, and he stuck his head in. He could see him still in bed. “Toki? Hey Toki?”  
Getting no response, Nathan went in and shook him gently.  
Toki groaned and opened his eyes. “Nathan? I feels really bads.”  
“You’re just like, hungover.”  
“Noes I don’ts think so, I’s really bad. Nots... like usuals.” He sounded almost scared.  
“Uh, you want me to get Ofdensen? Or something?” Nathan was starting to get worried.  
Toki nodded gratefully, and Nathan headed off to find the manager.

It wasn’t hard, he was in his office as usual. “Hey uh, Toki’s sick. Or something.”  
The manager sighed at the distraction. “Well, he was very drunk last night, I’m sure he’s just hungover.”  
“No. I mean, he doesn’t think so. And he looks really bad.”  
Realizing that he would not be allowed to continue his work in peace until he’d at least taken a look at Toki, Ofdensen set his papers aside and stood up. “Fine, I’ll check on him if it makes you feel better, but I’m sure it’s nothing.”  
“Okay. Uh, thanks?”

When Ofdensen entered Toki’s room, his confidence ebbed as he realized something just wasn’t right. “Toki? How are you feeling?”  
“Horribles. I thinks I’s dying or somethings.” He was curled up in a little ball.  
“How much did you drink last night? Do you remember?”  
“Lots. But I’s been hangovers plenty times, this is differents.” He tugged weakly at the manager’s sleeve. “Helps me?”  
“Well, I’ll certainly try.” Ofdensen pulled out his phone and summoned the doctor, sitting on the edge of the bed while they waited.

It wasn’t a long wait.  
The doctor did an assortment of poking and prodding doctor tests, looking more concerned all the time. Finally he turned to Ofdensen. “I need to call in some specialists.”  
“What’s wrong with him?”  
“I really don’t know, but I suspect some sort of toxin. It may be necessary to move him to another location, I can’t really say at this point.”  
Ofdensen nodded. “We’ll do whatever we need to do. Make those calls.”  
“Will you wait with him, or should I send up a nurse? I don’t want him unattended until we know what we’re dealing with.”  
“I’ll wait.”

After the doctor left, Ofdensen attempted to find out if Toki could tell him anything that might be helpful. “Toki?” He shook him gently. “Toki, I need you to tell me everything you remember about last night.”  
“Everythings?” That was a lot to try to remember.  
“Well how about everything after... say midnight? I was keeping somewhat of an eye on you all until then.”  
That narrowed it down a lot. “Then they’s all too busy to pal around with me, tells me to go away. So I does. Moiderface even chases me with his knife.”  
“I see. And where did you go?”  
“Not sures exactly. Down. Can’ts the doctor just gives me somethings? I feels so bad!”  
Ofdensen began rubbing Toki’s back rather awkwardly, he’d never really learned how to do hands on comforting. But he made an attempt.

Down. That covered a huge amount of territory, too much. “Toki, where did you go? Can you remember?”  
“The rooms with no lights. Bottles.”  
Bottles, that could be useful information, a lot of dangerous things could be stored in bottles. “Bottles of what? Did you touch them?”  
“Some kinds of alcohols, don’ts know what. All dustys.”  
Ofdensen was dreading the answer to his next question. “Toki, please tell me you didn’t drink something you found in an abandoned part of the basements just because you thought it was alcoholic?”  
“Onlys one bottles! And then I forgets my flashlight too.”

Ofdensen pulled out his phone again, calling a trusted high ranking gear. “I need a search of the basements. You’re looking for an unused room with no electricity that contains bottles of some kind. There will be a flashlight in there. Use as many personnel as you feel you need, and report to me the moment you locate it.”  
It wasn’t long before his phone rang. Because Toki’s flashlight was one of the new LED ones it had still been burning, making the search much easier.  
Ofdensen ordered the room sealed and guarded, and one of the bottles delivered to the doctor for testing.  
Hopefully there was something in the bottles, otherwise he had no clue where to begin searching for the culprit. It would be very hard to treat something they couldn’t identify.

Hours dragged on, but Ofdensen loyally remained at Toki’s side. It was disappointing but expected that his bandmates didn’t stop in to check on him.  
Although clearly very unwell, Toki seemed to at least be stable. He hadn’t gotten noticeably worse anyway, that was something.  
Early that evening, the call finally came in. After a long and disturbing conversation where he mostly just listened, Ofdensen hung up with a resigned expression. “Toki, I’m sorry but we’re going to have to move you to a different location for a while. We have the results of the tests, and... well you just can’t stay here right now. We’re leaving as soon as everything is ready. I need to go tell the others, but I’ll be right back, okay?”  
“Okays.” He felt too bad to care, but at least something was going to be done.

Ofdensen found the others in the hot tub, and reasonably sober. Seeing his worried expression, Nathan spoke. “Hey. Is Toki going to like, be okay?”  
“I don’t know. This is a very serious situation, and he’s going to have to be moved someplace else for more testing and observation. I don’t yet know how long he’ll need to be gone, or even if...” Ofdensen paused, fighting to stay professional and unemotional. “Even if he’ll be able to come back at all. It’s still possible that this might kill him. I hope not, but we can’t rule it out at this point.”  
They all stared at him, speechless. Never before had there been a problem that he couldn’t just fix for them. And Toki might _die_?  
“We’re leaving as soon as we can. I’ll be coming back later, to research the problem from this angle, and Toki will remain there under supervision.”  
“Dude, thet’s... can we visit?”  
“No Pickles, I’m sorry. None of you will be allowed to see him until he comes back.”  
“Brutal,” Nathan muttered, as Ofdensen left them.

Although the doctor was in charge, Ofdensen personally supervised the team that was transporting Toki to the selected secure location, he wanted no mistakes.  
Too sick to care, Toki was an easy patient and followed what few orders he was given.  
Ofdensen stayed with him as they carried him out, and rode at his side in the copter. Once the crew had finished hooking him up to an assortment of monitoring equipment, Toki rolled back on his side and curled up again.  
Unable to think of anything useful to do, Ofdensen resumed his somewhat ineffectual patting.

When they arrived, the staff quickly placed Toki in a private bed, and started an IV to make it easier to deliver the vast assortment of antitoxins they had been able to procure.  
But as the hours dragged on with none of them seemed to have any effect at all, the doctors were losing hope. And Toki had begun to deteriorate further.  
The doctors were grim. “I think we’re going to have to accept that we may lose him.”  
Ofdensen realized that he must leave. Hopefully some vital clue awaited discovery in that mysterious room. As much as he hated to let Toki out of his sight, he saw no choice in the matter. “Keep trying whatever you can think of. Im going back, to try to find anything that might give us a clue as to a different treatment.”

Once home, he headed straight down to the guarded room. Paperwork could wait, sleep could wait. this couldn’t.  
Under his supervision, all the remaining bottles were removed and their contents destroyed. No one else must get into this, it was clearly very dangerous. Once that was completed, he turned his attention to the other items in the room. It wasn’t a large room by Mordhaus standards, so it didn’t take long to be sure he wasn’t missing anything else that might be in there.  
A small trunk that he discovered was carried to his office.  
As a preventive measure to head off any speculation from the press, he made an anonymous call and reported that Toki had been admitted to an unnamed detox facility under heavy guard.  
Then he went to work, reading and researching.

All the trunk contained were a stack of unbound papers. It took quite some time to determine just what language the old an faded handwritten papers were in, and even after that the progress was horribly slow.  
Ofdensen didn’t dare hire help for this task, the fewer people who knew the better, so he forged ahead in his translations, neglecting all else.  
These documents were clearly very old and the wording was strange, almost backwards, making progress difficult. But he preservered, and slowly, too slowly, the story began to emerge.  
He put down his pen, staring in disbelief at whet he had just translated. That couldn’t be right, he must have messed up.  
But then again, it actually might make sense.  
He grabbed for his phone, thinking that maybe he’d finally found the answer. If only it wasn’t already too late...


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ofdensen offers some explanations, and Pickles has clearly been watching too much tv.  
> I'm posting a little early today, you don't mind, do you?

_It seems you're having some trouble_  
 _In dealing with these changes_  
 _Living with these changes (oh no)_  
 _The world is a scary place_  
 _Now that you've woken up the demon in me_  
-Disturbed “Down With the Sickness” 

 

A few weeks later, he called a band special meeting.  
Since band meetings were always held at their table, the guys were very surprised that this one was in Ofdensen’s office, behind locked doors.  
He gestured them to take a seat, and wondered just how to begin, and how they would handle this information. But there was no choice, they had to be told. This affected all of them.  
Maybe he shouldn’t have kept them in the dark this whole time, but without knowing how things would turn out, what could he have told them?  
They watched him warily, assuming they would finally get news of Toki, but having no idea what it might be. Since they were meeting in a locked office, it was very likely bad.  
Was Toki dead or something? And if so, why hadn’t they been told already?

Ofdensen had tried his hardest to think of how to word this news, how to break it to them. Finally he had decided to just put it very simply, and tell them straight. Or as straight as the situation allowed, that is. He took a deep breath and began. “As you all know, two weeks ago Toki became very sick and was removed from the Haus.”  
“Dude, he’s dead, raight? Jest tell us.”  
“Yeah, shtop drawing it out, that’sh cruel!”  
Motioned for silence, he continued, “No he’s not dead, in fact he’s coming home tomorrow. We’ve waited this long to be sure it was safe to bring him back. You see, he’s... Well he’s a vampire now. Or at least that’s the closest description we have to what he seems to be.”

They weren’t sure how to take that, or even what to think.  
“Scho doesh that mean he’s undead ?”  
“Well William, in the sense that ‘undead’ means alive and all of you are technically undead, then yes.”  
He watched them all thinking that one over. Great, now they were likely to start telling people that they were undead. Well he could always hope they’d just forget about it, it was very possible.  
Moving on, he made a further attempt to explain, “You are familiar with the vampire bat?” They nodded, of course they knew about something that brutal. “Well he’s most similar to that, a living breathing creature that must feed on blood in order to survive.”

Before they could start bombarding him with more questions, he continued. “Let me explain how this happened. Mordhaus was built on the site of an old castle. Although all above ground structures were leveled, the in ground parts were deemed sturdier than any new work could hope to match, and incorporated into the Haus. Do you understand me so far?”  
They all nodded. Skwisgaar looked a little confused, but seemed to be getting enough to be able to follow.  
“Okay. Now some parts we use, but some areas were just closed off or otherwise ignored. Toki found one of those old rooms that night while he was wandering around. There were some bottles that have since been destroyed, and he drank from at least one of them. We don’t fully understand how, but it changed him. That’s what was making him so sick.”

“So lemme git this straight. This place is built on the remains of an old vampire castle?”  
“There is no evidence to support that this site was ever occupied by vampires, no. We’re going on the assumption that whoever did own it acquired the items at some point, for whatever reason. Also, there’s a chance that the fluid in those bottles was originally benign, and somehow changed over the span of centuries due to fermentation or something similar.”  
“But like, how did you uh, figure it out?”  
“The papers found in the same location suggested vampires, so we tried giving him blood as a last attempt to save him. Nothing we had already tried had made any difference at all, but he showed improvement very quickly with the blood.”

Ofdensen could see that they had a lot of questions, horror movie fans that they were. He decided it might be easier to just let them ask, rather than try to cover every point.   
“Scho can he turn into a bat or shomething now?”  
“No Murderface, he can’t turn into anything at all, as far as we know. I would think that would highly unlikely under any circumstances.”  
Nathan was remembering. “Vampires are like, strong. And really fast.”  
Skwisgaar looked very worried at that part. Toki, faster? He didn’t want that.   
Ofdensen noticed his worry and answered. “From the papers found in the same room, it seems that there is a possibility of this happening over time, but as of right now, no, he seems to be the same as he ever was, physically. And before you ask, he can’t fly either. However, he really does need to drink blood.”  
“Brutal.  
“Very brutal indeed, in fact he very nearly died before we figured that one out, it was a close thing.”

Fortunately, Mordland had a large enough staff that the new ‘Blood Drive’ days were not a big issue. Everyone on the staff was now required to donate once a month, creating an almost endless supply of fresh blood. They didn’t know it was to feed the guitarist, but they didn’t need to know that.  
Pickles raised his hand, reverting to school days behavior without realizing it.  
“Yes Pickles?”  
“Does he have fangs now?”  
“We don’t know. The theory is that the fangs, if he has them, would only come out when he needs to feed. But we’re keeping him well fed on donated blood, so he hasn’t needed them.”  
“But ya tol’ us ya didn’t figure thet out fer a while.”  
“He didn’t have them then. I’m assuming he was still transitioning at the time, and has likely grown them by now. They aren’t apparent though.”  
“Whats abouts de sun lights?”  
“Good question. Again, we don’t know. The papers don’t mention it, and the place he’s been staying has no windows. We haven’t dared to test it yet, but we’ll have to find out eventually.”

Ofdensen waited, knowing they’d have more to ask if he gave them a moment to think.  
“So he um, like, doesn’t eat? Food, I mean?”  
“Well he’s still eating food, but we think it’s just out of habit. Only blood seems to actually sustain him. And before you ask, yes he can still drink alcohol, although it has less effect on him now.”  
“Dude, he could make blood cocktails er sahmthin’!”  
“Actually, that’s what he’s been doing. He seems to dislikes the taste of blood, and alcohol is one of the few things that can mask it.”  
“Dat’s pretty weirds.”  
“Yeah. Because you’d think he’d, you know, love the taste. Now.”  
“I admit we can’t understand a lot of this yet, but he seems to be safe enough, so he’ll be home tomorrow night.”

They moved to get up, but Ofdensen stopped them. “There is one more thing you need to be aware of. I am making every effort to assure this does not get out, and you all need to cooperate. The staff has not and will not be informed of this. For security reasons, they need to be kept in the dark, the less people who know the better. Also, although I doubt they listen to your conversations closely, please make an attempt to refrain from discussing Toki in front of them.”  
Hoping that they’d understood everything he’d just laid on them, he dismissed them.

**** 

Later that day, they were sitting in the hot tub. It was hard to believe that Toki had gone wandering around and accidently turned himself into a vampire or something like that, but if that’s what the manager said, then it must be true. All the more reason to just sit around a lot, as if they really needed more reasons.  
Toki had been gone almost a month. They’d noticed his absence, although none of them would go so far as to admit that they actually missed him. But things would be different from now on, wouldn’t they?  
With heads full of vampire lore and alcohol, they traded theories.

Pickles declared that Toki would buy a long cape and wear it all the time, and also dye his hair black. Because “Toki’d wanna be a well dressed vampire.”  
Skwisgaar disagreed, feeling the need to point out how “he ams always dress so sloppies, dat ams ridiculous.”  
Everyone else simply declared Pickles too high, and ignored him.  
Murderface thought he’d sneak into their rooms and attack them in their sleep, maybe even “kill ush all.”  
Nathan wondered if he would need to sleep in a coffin now, or just want to, for the hell of it “because that would be really brutal. As long as it wasn’t like, one of those silk lined ones. Because those are for pussies. Uh, dead pussies.”  
Skwisgaar didn’t bother thinking up anything, preferring to just continue belittling the other’s theories.  
It became clear that, while the others were mostly joking, Murderface actually apprehensive. Of course they teased him about it, and of course he denied it.

**** 

They were waiting on the couches, pretending to watch tv, pretending they weren’t waiting, and wondering just how weird this was going to be. Ofdensen had gone to pick up Toki, and they were due back.  
Waiting sucked.  
Then finally, they heard footsteps approaching, and Toki walked into the room.  
He wasn’t deathly pale. His eyes weren’t glowing, or even red. He looked exactly like he always had, except maybe a little tired.  
They had no idea what to say to him, and the awkward silence stretched out.  
Finally Pickles made an attempt. “So hey there Toki... uh...”  
Toki shook his head sadly. He’d been worried that they’d be uncomfortable around him now, and they clearly were. “I’s just going to go to my room, okays? Goodnights.”  
He turned to leave, but Nathan stopped him. “No Toki, wait. Stay.”

Toki turned back, waiting.  
“You uh, won’t like, melt in the hot tub or anything, will you?”  
“I don’ts melt in the showers, so probablies not.”  
Nathan grinned and stood up. “So let’s go. You guys gonna come with us?”  
And so they all went, soaking and drinking some beers, talking bullshit and attempting to put on an ‘everything is normal’ show.  
They were all back together again. It should have felt natural, they should have felt complete again. Just another night of palling around in the hot tub, just like always.   
Except that it wasn’t.  
There was just a strange tension between them now.  
It wasn’t the same, it just wasn’t the same.

Days passed, but Toki never grew more comfortable with feeling like an outsider.   
Why was he even still here? Why didn’t they just kick him out, if this was how things were going to be from now on?  
Nathan seemed okay with him, although his constant checking up was a bit annoying. Still, it was nice to know he cared, even if he wasn’t supposed to. Of course, Toki pretended he didn’t notice, that’s how they did things in the Haus.  
And the manager, ugh, always being nosy. Asking if he was drinking his blood drinks, asking how he was feeling, asking again if he was drinking his drinks.  
He hated those stupid fucking drinks.

Things were different now, but that didn’t mean he had to accept it.  
Toki tried hard to convince himself that nothing had changed, that he hadn’t changed. He still ate his meals, and then drank the horrible blood drinks in private so nobody would see him.   
It seemed to him that the blood was the only real difference, and he thought that if he tried hard enough, he could learn to do without it. He could be normal again.  
Unbeknownst to Ofdensen, Toki had started skipping the drinks on occasion, trying to cut back.  
This made him feel strange, but he was determined.  
Of course, it was only a matter of time before something went wrong.

Toki was watching tv, alone except for Murderface, who seemed to have not noticed the others leaving the room.  
Murderface was sharpening his knife when his hand slipped, cutting his finger. Cursing softly, he examined the small injury.  
Toki noticed the scent of blood immediately, and looked up. Murderface wasn’t paying any attention to him, and a thin line of blood ran down his wrist.   
Entranced, Toki didn’t even realize he had moved, but he found himself crouched beside Murderface’s chair, and leaning closer to the beautiful blood. Just a little taste wouldn’t hurt, surely? Otherwise it would just be wasted.  
Murderface looked up and freaked out, pushing backwards and falling out of his chair. “Schit Toki! Get away from me!”  
Toki sat back, shocked at what he’d almost done. “I sorries! Moiderface, I’s sorries!”  
Murderface hurried out anyway, clearly frightened.

Toki went back to the couch, alone now. They had told him to make sure he drank his donated blood on a regular schedule, but he had been trying so hard to pretend everything was normal again.  
It wasn’t working. No matter how hard he tried, things were different now.  
He’d learned this lesson, he wouldn’t try to skip his drinks again, that just wasn’t safe. He knew, well he was pretty sure that he wouldn’t have hurt Murderface, but he’d scared him. That was bad enough.  
Only Nathan treated him the same as always. Murderface avoided him when possible, and would surely do so even more now. Skwisgaar and Pickles were both acting kind of strange, but he wasn’t really sure what that was all about.

**** 

When Pickles asked if they could talk privately, he hoped things were getting better. Pickles had never really seemed scared of him exactly, just kind of strange.   
“Toki, I need a favor from ya.” There was an oddly desperate look in his eyes. “I want- Can I have samh of yer blood?”  
That was about the last thing he’s expected to hear. “Whys?”  
Pickles grinned guiltily. “I saw this show thet says thet vampire blood is tha best drug.”  
Toki was horrified. “Oh fucks no Pickle! You’s supposed ta be a smart guy, you wants to maybe ends up likes me?”  
“Nah Toki, but can I jest try it? Jest a liddle? It prab’ly won’t hurt me any. Cahm’on...”  
“Noes.”

That was it, he was avoiding Pickles. Or at least avoiding being alone with him, if possible.  
He didn’t want to hang around the manager, the man treated him like a dangerous idiot half the time, always checking in on him and asking dumb questions.   
He missed the old days when they all just did stuff, or nothing, together and they just kind of fit. Now everything seemed broken and wrong.   
Nathan was still pretty nice to him, but Murderface was clearly leery, and Skwisgaar was just odd. Not normal Skwisgaar oddness either, this was new, different, and annoying.  
He wasn’t a fucking sideshow freak, after all.   
Or maybe he was?

He’d been afraid that Pickles wasn’t going to let it drop, and it seemed that he’d been right. It wasn’t long before he caught him alone one day, trying ones again to talk him into it.  
“Heeey Toki! Cahm’on dude, ya gatta let me jest try it. I prahmise I’ll leave ya alone if ya do.”  
Toki sighed. “What parts of noes can you not understands?”  
“Jest a little? Cahm’on, I’ve gat sahn needles. I’m pretty good, it wouldn’t even hurt ya.”  
“Noes.”  
Persistent when he wanted something, he wouldn’t give up. “What, are ya scared of needles? There’s other ways!”  
“Pickle, please just stops fucking askings me.” Not waiting for a reply, he turned and walked away.

It seemed that after a good amount of odd scrutiny, Skwisgaar has clearly decided to just ignore him completely. Well that wasn’t that unusual, he did that a lot of the time anyway.   
Funny, he never would have though he’d miss the teasing and the criticism, but he did. Being treated like he didn’t even exist was worse.  
He even intentionally played badly one practice, trying to force a confrontation. In the old days, there’s no way Skwisgaar would be able to pass up an opportunity like that, but he just ignored it now.  
Just pretended he never heard a thing.  
Toki wondered why he found this depressing, when he should probably be relieved.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ofdensen has some tests, and Toki gets harassed

_You know there's nothin' like the real world_  
 _To get me down_  
 _There's nothin' like the world outside_  
 _That turns me upside down_  
 _It makes me feel like I'm headin' down_  
 _A one-way, dead-end street_  
-Tesla “Heaven’s Trail” 

 

When Toki got the word that he was needed in the manager’s office, he didn’t know what to expect. He’d been told something about eventually needing further testing, but wouldn’t that be done in the hospital wing?  
He didn’t exactly mind, there was so much he didn’t know about himself these days, so many things to be worried about. At least he might get some answers soon.  
Or maybe they’d even found a way to fix him?   
He knew he shouldn’t even bother thinking about that, but what if? Then everything would be okay again.  
Entering the office, he stopped in surprise.

There was a gear kneeling on the carpet, his head down.  
Not big fan of preliminaries, Ofdensen called Toki over to him. “There are some things we still need to learn about you, and I see no way to do this other than to stage a test.”  
“What things you wants to know?”  
“We need to know,” Ofdensen pulled up the gear’s hood, exposing his entire neck, “what happens when you bite someone.”  
Toki stepped back. “Noes! Don’t makes me does it!”  
“I’m afraid I must insist. What are you afraid of anyway?”  
How could the manager not guess? “I’m afraid I... kills him.”  
“You won’t. If you are incapable of stopping, I have the means to stop you.” He showed the small but powerful taser he held.

Ofdensen addressed the gear. “Please position yourself as you have been instructed.”  
The man rose, face still hidden under his hood, and moved to stand before Toki. They were close in height, which was partially why this particular gear had been chosen. He raised his chin, presenting his throat.  
“Bite him.”  
Toki realized that he was compelled to do it, that’s why he’s been called here so early. So _hungry_. He still didn’t want to, that was just too freaky to deal with, but it was taking all his control to stop himself.  
“What are you waiting for, do it.”  
“But hows? I don’ts got-“  
And then the fangs were there. Giving in, Toki closed the small gap and sunk them into the man’s neck, drinking greedily. It was SO much better than the bagged kind.

Clasping the man to him, his mouth pressed firmly against the soft throat, Toki drank.  
As the man began to sag against him, he heard the manager telling him to stop. But he couldn’t stop, how could he bear to give this up?  
The pain was sudden, knocking them apart and sending him to the floor.  
Satisfied, Ofdensen released the trigger and straightened up. “I’m sorry, but I need him to live. We need to know what will happen.”  
It would be a few minutes before Toki could move again, but he’d be fine. It may have been a mistake to let him experience biting a person, but they had been unable to think of a way to accurately simulate that experiment. He carefully rearranged the man’s hood, covering the marks.  
Some staff carried off the gear, and Ofdensen sat down to wait.

After a bit, Toki sat up. “That fuckings hurt.”  
“I realize that, but I told you that I couldn’t allow you to kill him. He’s been sent for observation in the place where you stayed.”  
“So he’s goings to turns into a vampires too?”  
“I have no idea, but that’s what we’re going to find out. We need to know exactly how dangerous you really are.” He made a note in his ledger. “If you feel that you can handle it, there’s one more thing we need to test soon.”  
Toki let out a sigh of dread. “Is it goings to hurts too?”  
Ofdensen shrugged. “There’s no way to know, but it’s necessary. You know I wouldn’t ask you otherwise.  
“Okays then, whats?”

“It’s like this: The papers we found with the stuff you drank say nothing on the subject, so we’ve turned to literature and mass media to give us an idea. Sunlight, Toki. Some sources say it’s very harmful, some say it does nothing at all. But I need to know, in order to plan your shows and any public appearances you might choose to do. We’ve kept you out of the sun since this happened just to be safe, but we need to find out soon.”  
Toki had seen the movies too, and this was definitely something that had been worrying him. “Okays. But... hows?”  
“Come with me, I know a place we can test this.” 

After a short walk, they came to a closed door. This was another of those rooms that the band never used, but clearly Ofdensen did. “Wait out here for a minute, I’ll be right back.”  
Seconds later, Ofdensen was back and ushering Toki into the room. There was a window in here, but it was covered with heavy blackout drapes that were still swaying from just being closed. A small amount of light was visible around the edges.  
Ofdensen produced a pair of gloves. “Here, put these on, we can’t risk damaging your fingers.” He studied Toki for a moment, then shrugged out of his suit jacket. “Put this on too, we need to cover as much skin as possible.”  
Toki complied.  
“Stand up against the wall beside the window, hold out your arm and pull the sleeve back just a little.”   
Ofdensen pulled back the edge of the drapes, allowing a thin beam of sunlight to fall across Toki’s exposed wrist.

Toki was braced for the pain that never came. In wonder, he pulled the sleeve higher.   
Reassured and deciding that he wasn’t going to burst into flames after all, he moved in front of the window, pushing the drapes aside and standing fully in the sunlight.  
Ofdensen was very relieved. “It’s okay then? No pain?”  
“Noes. It feels a littles funny, but I don’ts think it’s hurtings me.” He took off the jacket, handing it back. “It’s nice.”  
“Well consider yourself unrestricted then, but keep paying attention. It’s possible that you will become more sensitive to the sun as time passes.”  
Toki nodded, he knew of that concept.

While they were testing stuff... “Can I asks you about somethings else?”  
“Of course, what is it?”  
“Pickle... a whiles back Pickle asks me if he can has some of my bloods, he thinks it makes him high. I say noes, but he keeps askings.”  
“Hmm, I’ll admit I hadn’t thought of that angle. Very well, we’ll have some of your blood drawn, and I’ll procure another test subject. I see no need for you to be personally involved in this one.”  
Toki nodded gratefully. He was a little worried that Pickles would try to cut him in his sleep or something, even though he slept with his door locked now. If he could at least know that it wouldn’t hurt Pickles if something like that _did_ happen, he could rest a little easier.

But there was one more thing that he needed answered. He didn’t need the information just yet, but knew he would eventually. Unfortunately, it just wasn’t a subject that he was at all comfortable discussing.   
Still he had to ask, there was no other way. “What’s abouts... um.. well, abouts...”  
“About what Toki? Just tell me.”  
“Sex,” he squeaked.  
“Oh. Tell me Toki, do you use condoms?”  
He nodded. Of course he used them, he wasn’t stupid.  
“Well then, I don’t see how it could be a problem. Even on the rare chance that it might be dangerous, what protects you will protect them. Of course I’d rather limit your exposure to the fans, but if you feel that you can handle it, I won’t try to stop you.”  
All questions answered, Toki nodded his thanks and left.

Despite what the public seemed to think, it was very rare for groupies to be allowed in the Haus at night, especially following a show. They had to keep up appearances, occasionally have a little on site after party, but usually they just wanted to go home and rest.  
Waking up all rested, they could always call the gate and select a chick to be sent to their room if they wanted one.  
And despite what the public seemed to think, they didn’t do it all the time. Skwisgaar did indeed have more sex than the rest of them, but he preferred to actually pick them up somewhere rather than just calling for one from the gate.  
But even with him, it wasn’t a daily thing.

It would be good to have some answers, and less to worry about.   
Or, since he had no way of knowing what the results would be, maybe he would end up with _more_ to worry about. That would suck, but he supposed knowing was still better than not knowing.  
But at least he could go outside now, he’d been stuck indoors for so long.  
Toki began spending a good part of his time outdoors, the others weren’t all that big on it so he could be left alone. It wasn’t like they wanted him around anyway.  
Out there, with nobody around to treat him funny, he could almost pretend that nothing had changed.  
But the feeling never lasted, and he always remembered that things could ever be the same again.

**** 

“Heys Toki! Waits for me, I am wantings to be talkings to you about sometings.”  
Toki turned hopefully. Skwisgaar hadn’t wanted to spend much time around him since he came back, but maybe things were getting back to normal now. “Whats?”  
“I wants sometings form yous. A favors.  
Toki stepped back warily, leaning against the wall. “What’s you mean?” Skwisgaar was acting really weird.  
“I means...” Skwisgaar stepped forward, “...that I wants...” reaching out, he placed a hand on either side of Toki’s head, leaning close, “...you to _bites_ me.”  
Toki stared at him in shock, Skwisgaar was giving him an intense, almost seductive look. “Noes, I won’t does it! Whys?”  
“I gots my reasons, and dey ams good ones. Bites me Toki, be drinking my bloods.”  
Toki ducked under his arm, running to his room and locking the door.

Spending time locked in his room, spending time outside, it seemed that Toki could do nothing but hide these days.   
Having to deal with both Skwisgaar and Pickles was wearing him down, but he could think of no solution but to try to stay out of everybody’s way.  
Although it still bothered him that Murderface feared him, it was also almost a relief not to have to deal with him as well. Sometimes he found himself actually trying to hang out with Murderface, someone safe who wouldn’t torment him, but he seeing the man’s apprehension did nothing to make him feel any better.  
He was better off keeping to himself.

Ofdensen had finally all the results of the tests on Toki and the subsequent gears.   
After someone broke in and went through those very files in his office, he’d turned to the surveillance tapes to show him who needed to disappear. But as he watched, it quickly became clear that the solution wasn’t that simple, so he summoned Toki to inform him of this new development.  
Curious but dreading the news, Toki came into the office. “So am I deads?”  
“Well you certainly don’t seem to be, but I admit we still don’t fully understand what happened to you. Have a seat.”  
He did. "Tells me then.”  
“First of all, food. It’s completely unnecessary to you now, but if you wish to continue eating it, it seems to do no harm. You already know alcohol will still effect you, but the only liquid besides blood that has any benefit at all is, surprisingly, milk. It’s not much, but you could maybe make do on it for a short time if that every became necessary. Also, any type of blood will do, but human seems to be the most beneficial to you.”

Ofdensen continued, “The good news is that neither your bite nor someone drinking your blood will change them into what you are now. Clearly there is another factor involved for that, but we don’t know what.”  
Toki nodded, that was a huge relief, just in case something ever happened. Not that he was ever going to bite anyone, but still good to know.  
“Now the person who drank your blood, while it did seem to affect him to a small extent, it’s clearly not the high that Pickles seems to think it is, and it didn’t last very long. He’s completely fine, and has already resumed his normal duties.”  
“That’s good, maybes you tell Pickle? He probably not going to believes you though. But what’s about the other guy, the one I bites?”

Ofdensen nodded, yes this one was the problem. “I’m afraid he won’t be allowed to return to the Haus. He’s physically fine, but we couldn’t risk him talking to anyone. You see, he described the experience as being better than anything he’d ever experienced before, including sex.”  
“Oh noes! Don’ts tell Skwisgaar!”  
“Be on guard Toki, because two days ago Skwisgaar broke into my office and went through your file. It’s very possible that he read this, but I have no way of knowing for sure, or even if you would be able to understand it. Unless I’m mistaken, his ability to read English still isn’t the greatest.”  
Toki sighed. “He can reads it alrights, when he wants to. And he stops me and asks me to bites him, but I says no.”  
“I’m sorry, but there’s very little I can do at this point. Although he’s big, I don’t think he should be able to overpower you so just be on guard. And come to me if you think of anything that I can help you with.”  
Toki nodded, and headed to his room to think all this over.

When he came out later, Skwisgaar was waiting outside his door, leaning against the far wall. “You knows you wants me, Little Toki.”  
 _Why_ had he minded, back when Skwisgaar was ignoring him completely? He missed that now, missed it a lot.  
“Comes on Toki, just takes a little taste.”  
“Gets away froms me Skwisgaar, just leaves me alones.”  
Skwisgaar crossed his arms stubbornly. “Gives me what I ams wanting and I’s will leaves you alones.”  
Giving up on trying to go anywhere, Toki retreated back into his room and locked the door.

When he finally came out later, Pickles was waiting for him instead. With a tired sigh, Toki headed for the kitchen with Pickles trailing along, asking more questions.  
“So what if you were accident’ly bleeding? I could try a taste, raight?”  
“I’s not going to be accidentally bleedings.”  
“How ‘bout if ya cut yerself shavin’? Could I try it then?”  
“No Pickle. Besides, they testeds that, it didn’t does nothings. So now you knows, you can’ts get highs on me.”  
Pickles pouted. “Yer no fun.”  
Toki turned on him. “I’s not tryings to be fun! I’s tryings to go ons with my fuckings life!”  
Leaving Pickles staring after him, he went to the kitchen and made his drink.

Toki decided he just wanted to be alone some more, maybe work on a model or something. He headed back to his room.  
After closing and locking the door, he sat down at his desk, but something just wasn’t quite right.  
Looking around, he noticed the closet door was partially open. He always closed it. Someone had been in his closet. With a sigh, he went to inspect, although considering the mess he kept it in, it would be hard to tell if anything was missing.  
Someone was still in his closet. “Skwisgaar? What the fucks you doing in there?”  
Skwisgaar stepped out. “I’s waiting for yous. Now we ams all alones.”  
“Noes, leaves me alones!”  
Throwing open the door, Toki fled, knowing that Skwisgaar would get bored and leave eventually.  
Great, now he had to remember to check his closet. And probably under the bed too, just to be safe.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nathan’s being the good guy, Skwisgaar’s still a dick and causing problems

_The fear of the hunger_  
 _Will always be there in my mind_  
 _Time after time_  
 _The morning will close a new page_  
-Queesnryche “The Whisper” 

 

As time went on, nothing improved.  
He could have a gear check his room for him before he went in, but all too often he’d find one of _them_ waiting for him in the hall when he came out. Didn’t they have anything better to do that to torment him? Were they coordinating this, and trading off? That was highly unlikely, but some days that’s what it felt like.  
He was getting really jumpy, having to constantly be on guard. There was no place that he felt he could just relax anymore, and that sucked.  
Well maybe there was one place...

Once he had reached a decision, it took Toki several more days to work up the nerve to ask. Finally he was given the perfect opportunity, they just happened to be alone together. It was late, and everyone else had already gone to bed, leaving them watching tv. But he just couldn’t bring himself to say it.  
Finally, Nathan stood up. “Well I’m, you know, going to go to bed now.”  
There might never be as perfect of a chance as this again. Realizing this, Toki found his nerve and jumped up. “Nathan, waits!”  
“What is it?”  
“There’s something I’s been really wantings to asks you, but I don’t knows how to says it.”  
“So like, just say it. I guess?”

Toki took a deep breath and blurted, “Nathan can I sleeps with yous?”  
Nathan seemed surprised by that. “Uh... what? _Why_?”  
“Skwisgaar and Pickle. They won’ts leave me alones. If I’s in yous room, they wouldn’t bothers me. Besides, you’s not afraids of me, right?”  
“Huh. That’s pretty weird. No I’m not afraid of you, why would I be? What do they want anyway? Form you?”  
“Pickle wants my bloods, he thinks he will gets high.”  
“Would he? Does that work?”  
“The tests say noes, so probablies not, but I don’t likes him trying.”  
Nathan nodded. “He can be a pest. You know, when he wants drugs. What about Skwisgaar?”

Toki didn’t really want to discuss that, but he was the one who’d brought it up. “He wants me to bites him. That’s almosts worse.”  
“Well _don’t_ , but why?”  
“I’s not goings to! But he won’t leaves me alone!”  
“Wait- Do you like, want to bite him? Aren’t you supposed to want to do that now?”  
Miserable, Toki wouldn’t meet his eyes. “Mores than you can knows.”  
This was too much to think about this late at night, or maybe at any time. Nathan made his decision. “Well you can sleep with me if you want.”  
Gratefully, Toki followed the singer to his room, ignoring his own completely. The odds were good that Skwisgaar was hiding in there again anyway, waiting for him again.

In Nathan’s room, there was a moment of awkwardness. “I uh, normally sleep in my underwear.”  
Toki shrugged, it really didn’t seem like any big deal to him. But maybe Nathan was uncomfortable? “I don’t cares what you sleeps in. You wants me to sleep on the floors?”  
“No uh, you can sleep on the bed. If you want to.” Nathan got undressed, still feeling a little strange about it, and got into his bed. The realizing he couldn’t sleep in the middle, he scooted over to make room for Toki.  
Deciding that it was okay after all, Toki also stripped to his underwear and climbed in. “Thanks you Nathan, good nights.”  
“Um, ‘night Toki.”

**** 

They fell into a pattern of sleeping together, after the first night it was no big deal. It was a really big bed, they could both spread out without even touching each other. Nathan didn’t mind the company, it was like having a sleep over when you were a kid, and Toki was just happy to have a safe place to sleep without having to worry about being harassed.  
One night as they were laying in bed, Nathan brought up something that had been on his mind. “Hey Toki? Is it like, hard to sleep with me? I mean, do you want to bite me, and all that?”  
Toki sighed, he’d been dreading this conversation. “It’s okays, you don’t has to worry.”  
“No, I’m not worried. I’m just, you know, curious. Do you?”  
Deciding to stall and hope Nathan would just let it drop and not keep pressing for an answer, Toki remained silent.

It didn’t work.  
“Hey. Hey? Come on Toki, I wanna know.”  
“Fines.” He gave up. “Yes Nathan, I wants to bite you, I wants to bite everybodies. But I’s not goings to do it!”  
“Oh. Well you can if you want to. I mean, I’m bigger than you, so I’m not worried.”  
“Noes. Please don’ts start like Skwisgaar.”  
Nathan leaned up on one elbow. “Hey, I’m not. I wasn’t. I was just, you know, offering. In case you needed it or something.”  
“That’s why we had all the bloods in the frigorators, because I needs it. I’s not going to bites you.”  
“Okay then.”

Toki had worried that Nathan would start resenting him due to the lack of privacy, but he didn’t seem to mind. On the days when he felt like getting laid, he had no problem with telling Toki to leave the room early, assuming he was even still there at that hour.  
The first time that Nathan had rolled over and announced that he was horny had been a little scary, but he’d quickly realized that it wasn’t him that Nathan was planning to fuck.  
That was a relief.  
On those days he would usually order up a groupie of his own, needing the sense of normality the act brought more than the sex itself. Although he’d been very worried the first time, he’d found out that he could handle himself fine around the girls.

It was tempting of course, everything was, but he was such relief to have someone who didn’t know about all that stuff interact with him. No way was he going to let himself bite them.  
He did have to change his style a bit, needing positions that kept his face and their body far apart. That wasn’t so bad though.   
Of course he refused to kiss them, or put his mouth anywhere on them at all, but it had always been rumored that he was a bit of a strange one so nobody really thought anything of it.  
And of course, they were thrown out immediately afterwards, to avoid the risk of them wanting to cuddle or something.  
That was a little sad, he’d always liked that part, but that was just the price he had to pay.

Although he was always sleeping in Nathan’s room now, he still kept all his stuff in his own room. They all knew he slept with Nathan, but they weren’t about to criticize, _nobody_ made fun of Nathan.   
Toki was a lot more relaxed now, no longer having to worry about being constantly harassed by people wanting something he wouldn’t give. The days of people staking out his hallway were pretty much over.   
But when he walked in the door, his room wasn’t empty like it was supposed to be.  
He stopped short, surprised.

Skwisgaar was lying spread out across his bed, his shirt stripped off to expose his pale skin and the tracing of veins just barely visible beneath it. “Bites me Toki, anywheres.” He ran his hands down his torso, caressing himself.  
“Noes. Gets the fucks out of my room.”  
Skwisgaar stretched, preening. Gives me one good reason why you ams not wanting me.”  
“I might kills you, that’s a goods enough reason.”  
“Pfft, they says you am nots extras strong.”  
“Skwisgaar, I’s always been stronger than yous. Now gets out or I throws yous out.”  
Still smiling seductively, Skwisgaar just shook his head in refusal.  
Very glad that he’d had his drink before coming here, Toki picked up Skwisgaar and dumped him on the floor outside the door.  
It seemed like this would just never end.

A few nights later, sharp pain woke Toki up. Something was holding his hand, which trailed off the edge of the bed.  
Leaning over, he saw the gleam of the knife that Pickles had just cut him with, and Pickles himself, crouched on the floor and lapping at the blood.  
“Don’t worry Toki,” he whispered. “It’s jest a liddle cut.” He began sucking, trying to get as much as he could.  
Toki yanked his arm away. “Gets out.”  
“Fine, saaahrry. Ta tell ya tha truth, I’m kinda disappointed anyway, I don’t rally feel anythin’ at all.”  
“Just goes away, leaves me alone.”  
Pickles got up and picked up the knife. “Alreet, I’m goin’.”  
With a tired sigh, Toki tried to fall back asleep.

The next morning, he poked Nathan awake.  
Grumbling, Natahan rolled toward him. “Didn’t your mother even tell you that it’s not nice to point at people?”  
“Noes. But Nathan, I thinks we needs to start lockings the door. Pickle comes in last night and cuts me.”  
“What? Are you okay? Where?”  
“I’s fine, it’s just a little cuts, rights...” He stared at his wrist in confusion, it was completely unmarked. “Fucks, maybe I dreams it.”  
Nathan rolled back over, not ready to get up yet. “Well, you can like, lock the door if you want to.”

**** 

Skwisgaar was in the studio, practicing.  
He’d been given a couple free packs of some new brand of strings to try, the company was hoping for his endorsement.  
Unfortunately, either the design was bad or this particular pack of strings was defective, because halfway through a punishing solo one snapped, whipping across his finger.  
Swearing softly to himself, Skwisgaar set his guitar aside and examined the injury. He was bleeding. So much for their endorsement hopes, he wasn’t using a product that had practically maimed him.  
Well that was an exaggeration, it was just a shallow cut, but they didn’t have to know that. Maybe he could even sue them, just for fun? He’d have to try to remember to ask the butler about that later.  
The cut wasn’t too deep, an simple band-aid took care of it, but it gave him an idea.   
Could Toki turn him down if he was already bleeding? He didn’t know, but he expected not. Abandoning the studio, he set off to find him.

After a short search, he caught him in a hallway. “Heys, I gots someting for yous.”  
Toki had been very wary of him lately, but still looked hopeful at the prospect of a possible gift. “Whats you gots?”  
He _almost_ felt bad about what he was going to do, but Skwisgaar never let a little thing like guilt get in the way of what he wanted.  
He pulled off the band-aid, exposing his wound. The bleeding had already stopped, but it was still fresh and open, a little squeeze got it started again. With a triumphant grin, he reached toward Toki’s mouth.  
Toki pressed his back hard against the wall, his hands in tight fists. “Skwisgaar, please! You don’ts know what the fucks you’s doing to me!”  
“Oh I think I does.” Skwisgaar pressed his wounded finger against Toki’s lips.

Toki shoved him away as hard as he could, and ran. He had to get away, that had been too close, he _wanted_ it so bad.   
But several turns later he slowed. Why was he running, anyway?  
Skwisgaar was willing, hell, he was fucking begging for it. Toki licked his lips, tasting the small spot of blood that was smeared there, savoring it.  
He stopped in his tracks. Why fight it anymore? The need was erasing his ability to remember why he couldn’t do that, couldn’t risk it.  
He turned around and started back.   
Part of his mind still knew that he shouldn’t, the small part that told him to go to the fridge and make his damn drink.   
He ignored it.

A gear saved the day, by accidently choosing that moment to turn down the hall in front of him.  
Distracted from his destination by the presence of a living breathing body, Toki was on him before he had time to react, biting straight through the man’s hood in his impatience.  
He didn’t like the taste of the cloth in his mouth. Releasing his prey for the second it took to yank the hood up and expose the skin, he bit again, drinking.  
The man didn’t even resist, leaning into his grip, sagging against him.  
It was _wonderful_. The cold nasty stuff in the fridge didn’t come anywhere close to this taste. And the _feeling_ , it was like drinking...   
It was undescribable.   
The man had gone completely limp, still locked in Toki’s arms.   
When at last he lifted his mouth, the gear was dead.

He dropped the body, reality sinking back in.  
Toki backed up against the wall and slid down it. He had to leave, had to get away from everyone. It could have been any of them dead here on the floor.  
But he didn’t know where to go, what to do.  
It hadn’t been the same, in the manager’s office. Or maybe it had, and the ‘being tasered’ part had just ruined it for him, he wasn’t sure. That had hurt.  
Although no longer thirsty, he knew was that he wanted to experience that feeling again, couldn’t imagine not being able to.  
Which is why he needed to get away from everyone he cared about.  
Maybe the manager would have him killed, he was pretty sure he could still be killed fairly easily.  
Maybe he should ask?

Nathan found him still sitting there a couple hours later. Oddly, no one else had passed by.  
“Hey, you can’t stay there. Come with me.”  
Toki shook his head. “Noes. Stay aways from me Nathan, you don’ts understand!”  
Nathan nodded to the body on the floor, “Huh, I bet I do. Fucking Skwisgaar. Come on, let’s uh, go to bed.” Since Toki still didn’t move, Nathan reached down and hauled him to his feet. “You gonna walk, or do I have to carry you?”  
“Fine, I walks. But-“  
“It’s late Toki. We can like, talk about it in the morning. Afternoon. Whenever we wake up.”  
Once in his room, Nathan pointed to the bed. “Toki. Sleep. You’re not going to hurt me.”  
It was easiest to just comply.  
Reluctantly Toki got in bed, curling up at the far edge of the mattress with his back to Nathan.

The next day when Nathan woke up, Toki was watching him.  
He was still as far away as the bed would allow, but awake. “Damn Toki, did you even sleep?”  
“Nots so much.”  
In his ususal impulsive manner, Nathan stretched out an arm. “Come here.”  
Toki couldn’t back up any further, but he tried anyway. “Noes. I don’t wants to bite yous.”  
“I don’t want you to. You’re not going to. I’m trying to like, prove it to you. Now come here. It’s pretty fucked up that you’re getting afraid to be near us anymore. Just come over here.”  
Slowly and carefully, Toki moved closer.  
When he was in range, Nathan grabbed him, pulling him hard against his body.

Panicked, Toki fought to get free, but Nathan was stronger and wouldn’t release him. “Whoa, calm down!” Toki kept fighting, and Nathan tightened his arms, all but immobilizing him.  
Crushed against Nathan’s chest, Toki was terrified. Bare skin under his face, all he’d have to do was open his mouth...  
“Toki? Hey, it’s okay. It’s okay.”  
He finally realized that he wasn’t biting, wasn’t even trying to bite.   
Breathing easier now, Toki finally relaxed, letting Nathan hold him. It was nice, it made him feel safe, something he hadn’t felt in a long time.

He took a shuddering breath. “I kills that guy, Nathan.”  
“Yeah I know. But he was just a gear, it’s not that big of a deal.”  
“I don’t cares about him, but it was really luckies that he was there. Fucks Nathan, _I was goings back_.”  
“To Skwisgaar? Yeah, I kinda figured that.”  
“I gots to leave. I can’ts be in the bands no more, it’s too dangerous. _I’s_ too dangerous.”  
“No. You’re not leaving.” Nathan’s arms tightened around him again. “I think I have an idea. You need to learn to, you know, bite people without killing them.”

Toki tried to scramble away again, but Nathan was ready for it and held on. “Hey, whoa, settle down. I don’t mean me. Well, you can if you want, but I was talking about practicing on gears.”  
Toki quieted again, listening.  
“Maybe you drink your blood milkshake or whatever the fuck you’re doing with it now, first. Then you try a little bite? I can be with you. Or Ofdensen, or both of us. We could stop you, if you can’t.”  
This sounded like it just might work, except that Nathan didn’t know about the effect it was supposed to have. Therefore, gears were really not an option, unless they disappeared afterwards.  
“No, it does somethings to them. I can’t talks abouts it, but they would kill any gears I bites.”  
“That’s brutal.”

Things were looking up though, at least a tiny bit. Pickles seemed to have completely backed off, and while he still wasn’t exactly treating Toki like he used to, he was being cool.  
Even though this was a huge relief, it also meant that it probably hadn’t been a dream, that night in Nathan’s room.  
He really couldn’t decide if that was more reassuring or disturbing.   
Skwisgaar, on the other hand, he was trying to avoid harder.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Would you people like some biting? Well you’re getting it. And Skwisgaar’s still being a dick.

_I don't mind the sun sometimes_  
 _The images it shows_  
 _I can taste you on my lips_  
 _And smell you in my clothes_  
-Butthole Surfers “Pepper” 

 

“You goes on Nathan, I’s be there soon. I wants to look for somethings, then I needs my drink.”  
They split in the hallway, heading for their own rooms.  
Toki headed straight for his closet, digging for an old comic book that he was pretty sure was in there somewhere. For some reason, he’d felt like reading it again lately, if he could ever find it. Shoving piles of stuff aside, he started searching a likely corner.   
Suddenly he was grabbed from behind, and an arm circled his throat in a vicelike grip. Changed as he might be, Toki still needed to breathe. He clawed helplessly at the arm but couldn’t budge it, and to makes matters worse, he’d had no air when he was attacked.

Staggering against the weight and fighting a losing battle to stay conscious, he kelp trying to get free but was quickly growing weaker. The iron arm wouldn’t relent.  
Where was security, how had someone managed to get in to attack him?  
He couldn’t breathe, not even a little bit. It was so easy to take breathing for granted, it was almost funny how much he missed it already.  
It wasn’t funny at all.  
At least whoever it was, they were doing the others a favor. Killing him.  
He couldn’t stay standing anymore, sagging against his attacker, helpless.  
There was no air left in the world.  
Everything finally went black.

He woke up slowly, he couldn’t move. Some sort of cloth bound his wrists and ankles, securing him to his own bedframe. He struggled against them, but it was clear that he had no chance to break free. If he could reach, maybe he could bite through them?   
He couldn’t reach.  
How long had he been unconscious? And why was he still alive?  
His door opened, and Skwisgaar walked in.  
“Skwisgaar, helps me! Somebody attacks me and ties me up. Hurries, before they comes back!”  
“Pfft, dat was me who done this, Little Toki, I has been waitings for yous to wakes up. Now you ams going to gives me what I ams wantings.”  
Skwisgaar had done this to him? “Whys?”  
“Ja, I reads dat paper, and I tink you knows it. Bites me Toki. You ams goings to does it, I’s not giving yous a choice.”

Toki lay there helplessly as Skwisgaar straddled him, leaning low over his face. “You am nots running aways form me dis time, I has you nows.”  
“Please Skwisgaar, don’t makes me... lets me go...” He closed his eyes.  
“No.” Skwisgaar pressed his wrist against Toki’s tightly closed lips. “Opens yous mouth!”  
He shook his head, trying to turn away, trying so very hard to keep resisting.  
Skwisgaar’s long, strong fingers wrapped around his jaw, squeezing mercilessly until his mouth was forced to open. He shoved his wrist in quickly, scraping against Toki’s fangs, drawing blood.  
At the taste of the blood, it was over. Toki bit down hard, drinking.

Skwisgaar gasped, unprepared for the sheer intensity of the sensations.  
The papers hadn’t said it would be like _this_...  
If he took the best orgasm of his life and multiplied it by every cell in his body, it _might_ come close. Suddenly unable to hold himself up he dropped, laying on Toki, lost in the experience.  
Toki drank.  
He’d thought the gear had been incomparable, but Skwisgaar was _far_ beyond that level.  
Tied down, unable to use his hands or even move, he was at Skwisgaar’s mercy, hoping this would never end.  
Toki bit down harder, trying to hold on it the only way he could.

When Toki didn’t show up, Nathan decided to go looking for him. Just in case. He headed for his room, might was well start where Toki had been planning to start.  
The door was closed, so maybe he was in there?  
Nathan threw it open, and blinked in surprise at the sight in front of him. Toki was tied down to his bed, and Skwisgaar was writhing on top of him in apparent ecstacy, his wrist shoved into Toki’s mouth.   
And Toki was biting him, Nathan could see the blood on his lips.  
This didn’t look entirely voluntary, especially since Toki had been very determined _not_ to bite anyone. And of course, the... ropes or whatever those were.  
Without stopping to think, Nathan grabbed Skwisgaar and pulled him off. Once he was removed from Toki he fought mightily, but was no match for Nathan’s sheer strength. Despite his struggles, he easily threw him out the door and locked it.

Nathan came back to the bed where Toki lay tugging at his bindings, Skwisgaar’s blood still on his lips. His eyes were wild.  
“Oh _fucks_ Nathan... Fucks. Is he okays?”  
“Yeah. He’s really pissed off at me, so he’s fine.” He reached for the knots.  
“Noes! Don’t lets me up! I gots no control yet, needs more so bad...”  
“I could like, get you some? From the fridge? Can you drink it plain now, or am I supposed to mix it?”  
Toki closed his eyes. It wouldn’t be anywhere close, but it work all the same. “Just gets it please, hurries. Plain is fines.”  
“Okay, I’ll uh, be right back then. I can’t lock the door, but I don’t think he’ll come back. Yet.” Nathan left the room.

It didn’t take long to grab a bag of blood and get back to Toki’s room, where he was still tied down and still alone. Noticing that a portion of tubing was attached to the bag, Nathan assumed it could be used as a straw and worked it free.  
“Uh, here.” He placed the tube between Toki’s lips.   
Toki drank, making a face. He still really disliked the taste of the cold blood, if it wasn’t mixed with something. Funny how much better it was to drink it directly from a living person. But he drank it all anyway, and felt the cravings subside.  
“So can I untie you now?”  
Toki just nodded and lay limply, waiting patiently as Nathan worked at the knots.  
Finally, he got them all untied.

They went to Nathan’s room and crawled in bed, but Toki was too worried to sleep. He’d bitten Skwisgaar, actually _bitten_ him. He’d been unable to stop himself, and he’d really tried.  
And then Nathan... he knew he would have bitten him too, if he’d been able.  
At least he’d been able to warn him away.  
What would have happened if Nathan hadn’t stopped it? Would he have actually killed Skwisgaar?  
He didn’t know, but it seemed likely.  
Nathan had been thinking too. Skwisgaar’s rage at being stopped, the desperation in Toki’s eyes... “Toki? I think we- well _you_ , need to talk to Ofdensen. About like, practicing on people. I don’t think he’s going to give up. And I can’t protect you all the time.”

“I don’ts think I can does it. I don’ts know _whats_ to do!”  
Nathan sat up. Fuck it, he couldn’t think of anything else to do. “You _can_ do it, and I’m going to fucking prove it to you. Right now. Bite my fucking finger.”  
Toki gave him a totally betrayed look, sitting up as well and facing him.  
“I’m serious. There’s like, no way you could possibly kill me that way. And if you try, I’m bigger and stronger than you. I can stop you. Come on.”  
“Nathan, these’s somethings you doesn’t know. The managers did a test, makes me bite a hood. That guy never comes back, I think they kills him laters.”  
“Why? What happened?” Was Skwisgaar going to die or something?  
“If I bites, it makes them feels... really goods, I think. The reports says better than sexes.”  
“Oh. That like, explains... Fuck it, I don’t care. Do it anyway.”

Nathan was right, just a finger wouldn’t be dangerous. You could cut your finger _off_ and not die, one little hole wouldn’t really matter.   
He couldn’t believe he was even really considering this.  
“I trust you.” Nathan held out his arm, presenting a finger.  
Slowly, Toki reached out and took his hand, seeming to examine it. But it wasn’t really dangerous, it was just a finger. Right?  
Nathan kept quiet, waiting as Toki clearly fought it out in his head.  
Then closing his eyes, hesitantly brought the finger to his mouth, nipping it. Tightening his grip, he began sucking, 

“Oh _fuck_ Toki, that’s... That’s really fucking nice.” He didn’t find this to be particularly erotic, but it felt really good all the same. “I want to see you stop yourself. Don’t make me stop you. You can do it.”  
Toki merely tightened his grip, sucking harder.  
Ignoring the sensations but remaining still, Nathan tried again. ‘Toki. Stop.”   
Toki looked, up meeting his eyes. With a little whimper, he dropped Nathan’s hand and turned away, curling up in a little ball.  
Nathan moved over, curling around him. “It’s okay Toki, you did it. I’m fine. It’s okay.”  
He held him until they both fell asleep.

The next day, on Nathan’s insistence, Toki headed to Ofdensen’s office.   
“Yes Toki, come in. What can I help you with?”  
Toki took a seat, not knowing where to start. “Last nights... there... Does you have the cameras in our rooms?”  
“No, not in the rooms themselves. You all complained that it would be in invasion of privacy. Why, what happened?”  
“Skwisgaar. He was hiding, I didn’t sees him!”  
“Tell me.”  
“He... he chokes me ‘til everything goes black. I wakes up tied to my own beds. Thens...” He was having a hard time telling this, but he had to say it. “Thens he force me to bites him.”

Ofdensen sat back, considering this. “Well I saw him earlier, he seems no worse for it. Where did you bite him? I doubt his insurance policy covers vampires.”  
Toki made a face. “I wish you wouldn’t calls me that. Just on his wrist, he shoves it in my mouth. Then Nathan comes in and throws him outs, takes care of me.”  
“Okay. Is there more?”  
“Ja. Nathan makes me bites him too.”  
“I see. Well I’ll have a talk with Nathan, and as for Skwisgaar, I think I have a solution for you.” He opened a desk drawer, taking out a small canister. "This is low strength mace. It won’t hurt him, well actually it will, but it won’t damage him in any way. Use it if you need to, it will stop him. Understand?”  
Toki nodded.  
“Good. And tell Nathan to come see me.”

It wasn’t long before Nathan came into the office. “What?”  
“I understand that you forced Toki to bite you. I don’t appreciate you taking risks like that.”  
“No I uh, didn’t force him. I just asked. A lot. I don’t know. Look, he was scared. I didn’t want him to freak out and try to leave the band or something.”  
“So you told him to bite you. Yes Nathan, that makes perfect sense.”  
“Good. I thought you’d understand.”  
Ofdensen sighed, he should have known better by now. “I was being sarcastic. What the hell were you thinking?”  
“Uh, I wasn’t?”  
With another long sigh, Ofdensen dismissed him.

It wasn’t very long before Skwisgaar approached him again, clearly set on more negotiating.  
“Backs off Skwisgar, I’s not warnings you again!” He gripped the small can tightly, ready to use it. He couldn’t take much more of this without breaking.  
“Gives in to its. Dat’s your nature now, jus does it.”  
Toki sprayed him right in the face.  
“AAGHH!! Yous little fuck, you fuckings _maced_ me! It ams _burnings_!”  
Toki was a little worried by his reaction, but if the manager said it was okay, he was going to try to believe that. “That’s what you gets for nots leavings me alones! Maybe you stops when I says so next time!”   
He made his escape, leaving Skwisgaar to sort himself out.

**** 

Laying in bed, Nathan noticed how Toki was staring at his hand with a wistful expression. He chuckled at his frustrated little sigh. “Toki? You can bite me whenever you want. You know, for practice.”  
“I don’t wants to hurts you.”  
“It doesn’t hurt. And I don’t mind.” He extended an arm, putting it in range of Toki’s mouth. “I just think... it might help you?”  
Toki picked up the hand, tracing the veins with his finger. He _had_ managed to stop before, maybe Nathan was right? Maybe he could learn to control it? Hesitantly, he selected one broad finger and brought it to his mouth.

Watching Nathan’s face closely and seeing no objection, he bit, sucking softly at the small wound.  
After a few minutes he pulled back, just to prove he could. “Nathan? What’s that feels like to yous?”  
“Good, really nice. Like almost... comforting, I guess. Uh, what’s it feel like to you?”  
“Kinds of the same things. I thinks maybe I feels what the other person feels?”  
“Oh. So biting Skwisgaar was different than biting me?”  
Toki thought about it. He’d been far from clear headed at the time, and not really in a position to examine his feelings while it was happening. “I thinks... ja it was.”

Once it happened once, it kept happening. Not every night, but at increasingly shorter intervals.  
Nathan was only encouraging, always offering his hand.  
Although he still felt strange about drinking from Nathan, Toki was slowly growing more comfortable with the act. After all, it seemed safe enough.  
Finally there came a night when he reached for the hand on his own, without having to be talked into it. Nathan just smiled.

One night without warning, Skwisgaar strode in to the room. Seeing Toki clearly sucking on Nathan’s finger, he stopped in shock. What the hell, Toki had been refusing him, and then biting Nathan behind his back? Not exactly a rational thought, but he was angry. “What’s de fucks, Toki?! You has been bitings Nat’ans?!”  
Toki dropped the hand, but before he could even try to defend himself Nathan jumped up, pissed off at this invasion. “Skwisgaar, calm the fuck down! You don’t understand, now get out of my room!”  
“Fucks you Nat’ans, you can’ts be hasing him all to yourselfs! Dat’s what yous am wantings, I knows it!”  
Nathan didn’t even bother addressing the accusations, “Get the fuck out before I throw your ass out!”  
Fortunately for his health, Skwisgaar obeyed.

He’d eventually fallen into the habit of biting Nathan every night. It was just something they did, when they went to bed.  
Nathan’s fingers were a getting little sore, but he didn’t mind. Toki’s bites seemed to heal faster than a normal injury anyway, disappearing in just a few days. But tonight, something seemed different. Toki was holding back again, but looking at him almost pleadingly. Nathan grinned in understanding, “Anywhere Toki. I trust you.”  
Rolling over onto his stomach, he ran a finger up and down Nathan’s arm, tracing the veins. He leaned closer, seeming to test himself, then quickly sank his teeth into Nathan’s wrist.”

Nathan jerked a little at the suddenness of it, then relaxed. This was a more serious bite, but Toki was doing so well lately, it would be okay. And he _loved_ the way it felt.  
After a bit, Toki let go. “Nathan? Don’t you dares fall asleeps when I’s doing this. Don’t trusts me that much.”  
“Mm-hm. I’m not asleep, I was just enjoying it.”  
Toki lay quietly for a bit thinking. This had been a new experience, but he couldn’t really say just why. “It’s a little differents there... for yous too?”  
“Um, yeah. More intense or something, but you know, good.”  
Intense. Yeah, that was what it was, definitely.

**** 

Summoned to the office once again for one of those trivial ‘how are we doing’ talks, Toki was slouched in his chair. The manager had apparently spoken to Nathan and Skwisgaar, and he wanted to know why their reactions were so varied. Of course, Toki had no idea.  
“Well Toki, one theory is that different people would feel different things, but at the same time, it goes against everything I’ve been able to find.”  
“Like I’s supposed to knows?”  
“Well, I wasn’t implying that you did, but aren’t you curious as well? After all, this is your life we’re talking about.”  
“I can’ts does nothing about it anyways.”  
“Yes, I’m aware of that, but we still need to learn just as much as we can about this.” And Ofdensen had just the thing in mind.

“Toki, we need to test this theory further, but I can’t ask our employees to volunteer for security reasons. I want you to bite me, purely for research purposes. Preferably on the hand or arm, but if you would prefer another location, we can discuss it.”  
As Toki stared at him in disbelief, Ofdensen continued, “I’ve talked to Nathan and Skwisgaar about their reactions, but I would rather keep Pickles out of this test if possible. And as you know, Murderface is still quite wary of you, so it wouldn’t be fair to ask him.”  
“Seriouslies?”  
“I’m completely serious. What part would you like?”  
This was pretty weird, but the manager was insisting. “Hand is fines.”

Ofdensen automatically held out the hand he didn’t write with, and Toki took it, still giving him odd looks. Then, seeing only acceptance, he bit.  
Trying to remain as detached as possible, Ofdensen attempted to analyze the experience. It didn’t match what Nathan or Skwisgaar had described, or the reports form the test gear. The other gear he’d bitten couldn’t be questioned of course, since Toki had killed him.  
It was not unpleasant, but he didn’t particularly enjoy it either. He supposed he just had too high of a self preservation instinct, or maybe it was merely that he wasn’t really the letting himself go type. “Thank you Toki, that was quite informative. That will be all for today.”  
Feeling rather confused, Toki left.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes experiments can end badly... that’s all I’m saying.

_Cut my life into pieces._  
 _I've reached my last resort,_  
 _Suffocation,_  
 _No breathing._  
 _Don't give a fuck if I cut my arm bleeding._  
 _Do you even care if I die bleeding?_  
 _Would it be wrong?_  
 _Would it be right?_  
 _If I took my life tonight?_  
 _Chances are that I might._  
 _Mutilation out of sight,_  
 _And I'm contemplating suicide._  
-Pappa Roach “Last Resort” 

 

There was something Toki had been wondering about, but didn’t dare bring it up with the manager. However this latest test had brought it back into consideration.  
In every vampire movie he’d ever seen, they always bit on the neck. He’d only done that twice, with gears and killed one of them, but if it was different with everyone...  
Biting Nathan was fine, he did it all the time. Despite his warnings, he never really felt he was in any danger of killing him. Not like Skwisgaar, not like that gear.  
Nathan was clearly the best person to try it with, if he was ever going to.  
If he dared. If he would even be allowed to try.

And that was how he found himself sitting on the bed, leaning close and studying Nathan’s neck.  
Tilting his head up, Nathan pulled his hair back in permissions and understanding. He felt Toki’s warm breath against his neck, and then the brush of his lips. He seemed to be waiting, maybe testing his limits. Nathan held still, waiting.  
Toki was indeed testing himself. It was maddening to hover so close, to smell the warm skin and feel the pulse beneath his lips.  
Why was the neck different? It shouldn’t be, it was the same blood. Still, if felt like it was different. Deciding he was just being silly, Toki bit.

It _was_ different, it was so much better.   
It was scary, how good it was.  
Nathan was surprised, for the first time he understood what that gear had supposively reported, about this being the best thing. He didn’t want to move, didn’t want to possibly interfere in any way. Actually, he wasn’t all that sure he could move if he tried.  
He groaned helplessly, wishing it could go on forever, never stop.  
Toki drank. He was unaccustomed to the amount of blood this site provided, completely unused to actually feeding on a living person.  
It was powerful.

Suddenly Toki realized just what he was doing. This was _Nathan_ , and he was-  
Oh shit.  
He let go and pushed away, backing off the bed and running out of the room.  
Nathan just lay there weakly. Well if he wasn’t dead yet, he probably wasn’t going to die. And blood grows back, or something like that.  
As an afterthought, he fumbled for his phone and pushed the emergency button for the manager.   
He felt really, really tired, he just wanted to take a little nap.  
That was probably bad.

Moments later, a very angry and concerned Ofdensen burst into the room.  
Seeing that Nathan was barely conscious and largely unresponsive, he immediately summoned the some nearby gears to transport him to the medical wing. He didn’t dare wait any time at all.  
A phone call on the way had assured the doctor would be waiting, and ready to get right to work.  
The staff quickly started IV’s in both arms, the faster they could get blood back into him the better. He was deathly pale, and very still.  
Fortunately they were well stocked with all types of blood, hanging one bag after another, maintaining a steady double flow.

Ofdensen later confronted Toki, who had been avoiding everyone since the incident occurred. Well at least he seemed to know that he’d done something wrong. “I suppose you’ll be relieved to know that Nathan will be fine. We did need to give him a blood transfusion, but he’s already back in his room.”  
Toki couldn’t bear to look at him.  
“Look, I know you two have been playing some sort of biting games, but _do not_ feed on him again. Or on any of them for that matter, that’s why we keep the refrigerator stocked for you. You almost _killed_ him Toki, do you even realize that?”  
Toki nodded miserably. “I knows. I’s really sorries. I knows now, that’s the kills spot. I can’t does that agains, on anybodies. I _won’ts_.”  
“Very well then, you’re dismissed.”

Nathan had spent enough time with Toki lately to figure out that when he didn’t come back, he was probably feeling guilty. He found him in his room, sitting at his desk and fiddling with a craft knife. “Hey.”  
“I fucks up, I’s sorries!”  
Nathan sat on the bed, still feeling a little weak. He noticed just how closely Toki seemed to be examining the knife. “What are you doing with that?”  
“I fucks everythings up Nathan. But I thinks I knows how to fixes it. Probably be pretty easies too, I knows rights where all the veiny things are.”  
“What are you talking- Oh fuck no Toki!”  
With an odd smile, Toki quickly ran the knife the length of his forearm, laying it open. The bleeding was immediate and heavy.

Nathan grabbed his phone. “Ofdensen, get the fuck down here, Toki just tried to kill himself!” Throwing the phone aside, Nathan grabbed a shirt off the bed and pressed it to the wound. Spotting a roll of duct tape, he grabbed than and wound it tightly around Toki’s arm. He didn’t really know what the fuck he was doing, but it just made sense.  
“Damnit Toki, why?”  
He shrugged but held still, letting Nathan wrap it. “Just don’ts see no other way.”  
“No. You’re not fucking allowed to do this. I won’t let you.”

Ofdensen appeared moments later. “The doctor is on his way.” He realized what he was seeing. “Duct tape, Nathan?”  
Nathan just shrugged, and Ofdensen began to unwind the tape so he could evaluate the damage. It was quite a lot of tape.  
To his relief, when he finally got it all off and peeled back the shirt to reveal the wound, it clearly wasn’t all that serious. He pulled out his phone and called off the doctor, they didn’t need him for this. “Nathan, it’s not that bad, you must have just panicked.”

“Huh? But- Look at all the blood!”  
There was an awful lot of blood, considering the relatively shallow depth of the wound. He looked again, wondering if he was seeing things. Was it even shallower now? “Well Toki, I’d venture to guess that you have some sort of enhanced healing abilities now, you’ll probably be just fine in no time.”  
That didn’t seem to cheer him up any. “Can’ts even kills myself without fuckings it up. Guess I’s should have cuts my throat insteads.”  
That got his attention. “So you really were trying to kill yourself then?”  
He still wouldn’t look at either of them. “Didn’ts work anyways.”

**** 

Skwisgaar stopped him in a hallway. “Toki, wait.”  
He stopped, one hand going into his pocket to grab the mace, just in case. After the crap he’d been through lately, he really did _not_ feel up to dealing with Skwisgaar. “Whats?”  
“I’s been tinkings abouts yous. Now here we ams all alones, nobodies to be botherings us. I knows you ams wantings to, I knows I ams. Remember how goods it feels, we can has more of dat.” He pulled his hair over one shoulder, exposing plenty of neck.  
This wasn’t funny. Not bothering to even reply, Toki pulled out the mace.  
Skwisgaar noticed what was in his hand. “Oh shits.”  
Without a word, Toki maced him and left.

It took about a week, but Toki was sleeping in Nathan’s room again. He’d been very resistant at first but Nathan had insisted, and when Nathan got like that, you might as well just do what he says.  
After several nights and a lot of encouragement, he’d even resumed his biting, but was limiting himself to just fingers. Fingers were safe.  
Nobody ever died from a finger wound.  
It was clear that Nathan was going to pretend that whole thing had never happened, but he couldn’t let himself forget. He knew now just how dangerous he really was.

**** 

As he walked by the doorway, Pickles called to him. “Hey Toki, cahm in here, I wanna ask ya ‘bout sahmthin’.”  
Hoping like hell it wasn’t going to be another request for his blood, he went over to him. Pickles had been acting a lot more normal with him lately, maybe it would be okay?  
With a freshly rolled joint and a mischievous grin, Pickles patted the couch beside him. “I’ve been wonderin’, can ya still git high?”  
“Don’ts know, I hasn’t tried since.” But it would be interesting to find out, so he sat down, watching as Pickles lit up and inhaled.  
As they passed it back and forth, it was clear to Toki that he could indeed still get high, but like alcohol, the weed seemed to have less effect on him now.

Murderface walked into the room, saw them smoking, and freaked out. “Oh schit Picklesh, you’re getting the monshter high?! You’re gonna make him kill ush all, our blood will be on your handsh.”  
Toki replied before Pickles could, “I’s not a monster.” He didn’t want to deal with this. ‘Thanks Pickle, I’s going outside now.”  
He could hear them arguing as he left, just needing to get away from everyone for a little bit. It wasn’t fair, every time things seemed to be going better, he was always reminded that nothing could ever be the same.

He ended up just lying on the picnic table until his high wore off, trying not to think at all.  
That didn’t work out so well, but he did try.  
Murderface thought he was some kind of monster, that was depressing. Maybe he really was a monster now? But if so, what could he do about it?   
Funny, he would have never expected to miss his old life, being plain old overlooked and ignored Toki, but if only he could go back...  
It was impossible.  
Finally getting up, he headed back inside.

Skwisgaar was waiting in his room, sitting on his bed.  
He held up his hands. “Don’ts sprays me! I am just wantings to talks, I promises.”  
Still wary, Toki sat on the other end of the bed, keeping his spray handy. “Whats?”  
“You know what I wants. What does I has to do to gets it? Anythings you says, Toki, I will does anythings.”  
“You really likes it that much?”  
"Ja. Nothing ams comparing, nots even de ladies. I knows you am bitings Nat’ans, why won’ts you bites me?”

Speaking of Nathan, he walked in. Seeing Skwisgaar, he stopped in confusion, looking to Toki for what to do.  
Skwisgaar raised his hands again. “I’s behavings!”  
“He’s behavings so far, but he’s tryings to talks me into bitings him agains. Don’ts leave me alones with him?”  
“Uh, okay.”  
Skwisgaar resumed his bargaining. “Comes on Toki, jus a little bites? I gives you anytings you wants, if I’s can jus has dat. _Anytings_. I will even lets you fucks me, if dats what you wants.”  
That statement rendered Toki temporarily speechless with shock. Skwisgaar wanted it _that_ bad? Despite that wild offer, all he really wanted was to be able to taste this wanting, to drink it in. Despite his all protests, he wanted that quite badly.

Toki made a decision. He was still scared, but the desire was outweighing his fear. “Okays. I tries it, but Nathan has to stay.” He looked at Nathan, who nodded in agreement. “Gives my your arm.”  
Skwisgaar immediately scooted over as close as he could get, presenting his arm.  
Quickly, before he could change his mind or find his sanity, Toki bit him.  
As he began to drink, Skwisgaar’s head fell back and his free arm wrapped around Toki’s shoulders, holding him tightly. He moaned in helpless pleasure.  
Toki clung to his arm as the sensations roared through him as well, it was like being burned alive without pain. He knew he needed to stop, but how could he?  
But he _had_ to.

Nathan was watching closely, knowing he might have to intervene.  
He saw Toki release and try to pull away, but Skwisgaar wouldn’t turn loose. “Skwisgaar! Let him go, that’s enough!”  
“No it ams nots... just a littles mores... oh _please_...” He pressed his bleeding writs to Toki’s mouth.  
With a snarl, Toki bit him again, and Nathan jumped to separate them. “Toki, let go! Skwisgaar, get the fuck off him, get out of here!”  
Seeing that Nathan was about to punch him in the head if he didn’t listen, Skwisgaar quickly backed down and left the room. He could always try again some other time. After _that_ , how would Toki ever be able to resist him?

Toki buried his head in his hands.  
Nathan sat down beside him. “Toki? You okay? What do you need? Uh, you want my arm?”  
“Noes. Just gives me a minutes.”  
“Uh, okay.” They sat in silence for a bit. “Is it really, you know, that good? Biting him?”  
“ _Oh fucks yes_.” He shook his head sadly. “That’s why I can’t does it. Agains.”  
“Uh, why not? If you like it?  
“ _Because_ I likes it so much. I don’ts think I woulds be able to stops.”  
Nathan frowned, remembering. “But... you _did_ stop.”  
“Nots for very long. Fucks, I’s afraid I’s going to end up killings him, if he doesn’t stops this. It’s... I can’ts handle it, it’s too much.”

“So, why do you think it’s so different? With different people?”  
“I’s been thinking abouts that. Nathan, what’s you feel when I bites you? I mean... emotionsally?”  
“Uh..” Nathan wasn’t the greatest at expressing himself, but he tried. “It’s like... I want to take care of you. You know, protect you. And I know... like, that you wouldn’t hurt me? Again?”  
Toki nodded thoughtfully. “I think’s you makes me feels that too.”  
“Oh. And because Skwisgaar’s all about sex...?”  
“It’s not reallies like sex, but I can’ts explain it. But maybe you’s right. I don’ts know for sures. I woulds have to bites a lot more people to finds out, and I don’ts really want to does that.”  
Nathan lay back on the bed. “Well you can bite me whenever you need to, since it like, calms you down? I don’t care if the other guys see.”  
“You’s a good friend Nathan.”

“Will you try somethings? An experiments?”  
“Uh, sure, I guess so. Like what?”  
Toki struggled to find the words. “Well whats if.. Maybes if its... If you tries...” He gave up. “Stupid words.”  
“Well just, you know, say it. Instead of explaining it, or whatever?”  
He nodded. “If I feels what you feels... can you tries to feels something different, and see if I does too?”  
At Nathan’s nod he bit, but let go after a couple minutes. He couldn’t tell any difference at all, so either this didn’t work at all, or... “Are yous even tryings?”  
“Um, not very hard?”  
Toki just sighed.

**** 

They sat around the table, it was band meeting time. Again.  
“As you all might remember, you have a scheduled tour coming up soon. I may need to cancel it, but I wanted to discuss it with all of you first. First of all, it’s a small one, only four stops, so it might still be possible to pull off.” Turning to Toki, he got to the point. “Toki, do you feel that you would be able to handle this yet?”  
He considered. “I thinks so?”  
Not a great answer, but it would do. “Well everybody, what do you say? Do you want to go on tour as planned, of should I reschedule it for a later date? I should mention that not going at all is not an option.”  
If they absolutely had to do it, they might as well get it over with. They agreed.

Later, Nathan went looking for Skwisgaar, he had something to say. He finally found him where he should have looked first, in his room. “Hey. We really need to talk. About Toki.”  
“You can’ts be asking me no to tries, dat’s de most amazing ting evers.”  
“I’m asking you... just, look. He can’t handle you right now. We’re about to be on tour, and we need him. It’s going to be like, really hard for him anyway, without your shit too.”  
“Pfft, why’s tour hards for him? I does all de work.”  
“Skwisgaar? What happens when we play?”  
“People die, usuallies.”  
“And?”  
Understanding struck. “Oh rights, there am lots of bloods.”

Just because he could understand didn’t mean he liked it. “But I can’t helps de udder peoples, dat ams not mine fault.”  
“I know, but...” Nathan sighed. Toki was going to be pissed when he eventually found out about this. “Okay look. If you promise to leave him alone ‘till after the tour, I’ll help you.”  
Skwisgaar was skeptical. “You will makes him bites me?”  
“Uh, yeah. So will you? Behave, I mean?”  
“It won’ts be easies, but fines, I backs off. And knowing dat he ams still bitings yous... but I will does it. Jus for dis tour.”  
“Well um, thanks.”

He turned to leave, but Skwisgaar stopped him. “Why ams it so differents, yous and me? Why ams bitings you okays?”  
“It’s like, we’re just different. I guess? He says I calm him down.”  
“Ands me?”  
“With you he loses his mind. It scares him. He’s uh, afraid he’ll kill you.”  
Skwisgaar considered, remembering. “I tink you ams goings to has to helps us both. Because I tinks maybes I would let him kills me, it ams _dat_ good. How’s you going to does dis anyways?”  
“I have no idea. I guess I’ll, you know, figure it out eventually. I hope.” He considered. “So uh, what’s it feel like? To you?”  
“Best ting _evers_.”

They practiced more, as they always did before a tour.  
It was almost like the old days, before this whole mess started. While they were playing, the music was all that mattered. Even Murderface seemed to forget and actually stood near Toki some of the time.  
They were good, they were ready.  
Still, Nathan could tell that something was bothering Toki, but his playing was fine. Even the ever critical Skwisgaar couldn’t really find anything to pick on. He was probably just worried about the tour.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s tour time, there are problems, Murderface gets pranked, and Skwisgaar throws a fit

_If you feel alive,_  
 _In a darkened room_  
 _Do you know the name,_  
 _Of your solitude_  
 _If you ain't got the answer,_  
 _If you don't know the truth_  
 _If you want the power_  
 _Then let it flow through_  
-Danzig “How the Gods Kill” 

 

They were all watching Murderface play Wheelchair Bound, and the cleaning gears were working behind them. Suddenly there was a crash and a cry, and they all turned to look. Well, all except Murderface, who didn’t want to lose his chance at the high score.  
One of the gears had slipped on a beer bottle, and fallen neck first on another one, this one unfortunately broken. Arteries severed, the soon-to-be corpse writhed on the floor in a growing puddle of blood.  
Toki turned to Nathan desperately. “Nathan, holds me back, stops me!”  
Nathan did his best, managing to remove them both from the room in the process, but it wasn’t easy. ‘Toki, you’re getting stronger now. You’ve gotta learn control, I’m probably not going to be able to uh, hold you much longer.”  
“Will you helps me?”   
“I would, but I like, really have no idea how. I’m sorry.”

The rest of the cleaning crew had finished cleaning, including all the blood.  
Nathan was sitting on the couch when Toki leaned over the back and whispered in his ear. “Nathan? Will you comes with me? I needs to show you somethings. But you’s got to promise not to tells anybodies.” He looked almost guilty.   
Nathan got up, curious. “Uh, okay. Where?”  
“Studios.”  
Toki had decided it would be easier to show him than to tell him. He punched some buttons, bringing up one of Skwisgaar’s fastest solos. “Listens.”  
Confused, Nathan listened carefully. It sounded just fine to him. “I don’t get it?”  
With a determined expression, Toki picked up his guitar. Then he played the solo effortlessly, and in slightly less time.  
Nathan gaped at him in shock. “Holy fuck, you’re faster than Skwisgaar!”  
“I knows. Don’ts tells him!”

**** 

The item Nathan had been waiting on had finally come in the mail. He had been regretting his decision to order online instead of trying to find some locally, it had looked like it wouldn’t arrive before they left. But it was here, so his worry had been for nothing.  
Just to think, he’d spent all that time worrying when he could have been eating chips or something.   
Of course he could have worried _while_ eating chips, but that would have distracted from the overall chip experience.  
It would probably be best to wait until later, when everybody would be together.  
Now he just had to go find Toki.

Nathan knew that it bothered Toki, the way Murderface was still afraid of him.   
Since they were about to spend some time in very close quarters, he’d come up with a diabolical little plan to lighten the mood.   
But first he had to find Toki, which wasn’t too hard. “Hey Toki? Come to dinner tonight, it’s gonna be funny. You don’t wanna miss it.”  
Toki nodded, curious. He’d gotten out of the habit of showing up at mealtimes, it caused awkward silences. And besides, eating food had pretty much lost all appeal a while back.

But that night he showed up and sat in his usual chair. What had been his usual chair, anyway.  
Skwisgaar and Pickles didn’t pay him much mind, but Murderface complained, “What’sh he doing here? He doeshn’t even _eat_!”  
Toki shrugged. “Stills my table too.”  
Then Nathan walked in, an evil gleam in his eye. “Hey Mur’erfathe. Mur’erfathe, ook a’ me.”   
“WHAT?!”  
When he turned, Nathan lunged toward him with his mouth open, ginning hugely and exposing long white fangs.  
With a terrified shriek, Murderface pushed away from the table so fast that he knocked his chair over.  
Toki fell out of his own chair laughing.  
Laughing himself, Nathan took out the teeth. “Wow. You uh, screamed really loud. They’re just plastic, see. I told you Toki’s not contagious, or whatever.”

Pickles curiously nudged the limp form at his feet with a toe. "Toki? Dude, ya gonna make it?”  
“Can’ts... breathe...” he gasped weakly, still laughing.  
Slowly he started to get himself under control. It didn’t help that the others were all laughing too, they kept setting each other off again.  
Refusing to admit that this might be even remotely funny, Murderface glared at them all. “You’re all dicksh!”  
Unfortunately this didn’t have the desired effect, merely causing another wave of laughter.  
He stomped out, leaving them to finally recover in their own time.

Nathan’s prank did seem to have a positive effect however, because two days later when they left to start their tour, Murderface seemed much less jumpy.  
He clearly wasn’t completely comfortable being around Toki yet, but he was at least willing to be in the same room, and even making the occasional effort to speak to him.  
This was good, since they would be on the road for about two weeks, four shows with a couple days in between for travel and rest.   
Ofdensen had stocked a special fridge with more than enough blood to see Toki through the trip.

At the first stop, the tension was high. Ofdensen was going to make a few suggestions, but as they were about to go on stage, Nathan took charge. “Skwisgaar, Murderface, stay on opposite sides of the stage. Toki, stay behind me. If you can’t take it, make sure you go for me, I’ll be right in your way. I can like, pretend we’re fighting or something, get us offstage. Okay?”  
They all nodded, and the manager was impressed. It was always reassuring to know they weren’t truly the incompetent idiots they acted like a lot of the time.

At first, the show went surprisingly well, casualty-wise.  
However, they were just three songs from the end when some of the usual Dethklok related chaos broke out. Some people were injured or more likely dead, and the scent of blood was heavy in the air.   
Toki was in trouble. If only he could stop and get a drink, maybe this wouldn’t be the sheer torture it was quickly becoming.  
In a last effort to control himself, Toki turned his back to the audience and played the rest of the set with his eyes tightly closed  
Somehow he made it through.

As soon as it was over they all hurried off stage, wanting to get back to the bus.   
It was taking every shred of control for Toki to keep walking. He was so close, as soon as they were inside... he was nearly blinded by the need.  
The usual gears plowed a steady path through the crowd, clubbing any that didn’t fall back.  
Nathan saw Toki start to turn but catch himself, stumbling a little. He gave him a shove between the shoulder blades, speaking quietly, “Almost there. Keep going.”  
Finally they made it.

Once inside, Toki headed straight for the fridge. Grabbing a couple bags, he sucked them down cold while standing in the open door, dropping the empties on the floor. He had to get himself under control before he hurt somebody.  
Murderface wrinkled his nose. “That’sh pretty grossh.”  
“Can’t helps that. I needs it.”  
“Yeah? To keep you from going crazy and killing ush all?”  
“Don’ts push me Moiderface. It’s... nots a good time.”

As they traveled to the next location, Toki did a lot of thinking. There was no way he could do three more shows like this.   
But he had to play, had to be able to play.  
The others especially Nathan, seemed to have some idea how close he’d been to just losing it completely, but they didn’t know how to even bring that up.  
Fortunately for everyone involved, Toki thought he’d come up with a solution. Now all he had to do was to get Skwisgaar to agree to cooperate.

“Skwisgaar, I needs you to helps me, when I’s havings too much trouble.”  
“How ams I supposed to be doesings dat?”  
“Pick on me, gives me an excuse to run off stage. You can calls me whatever names you wants, just gives me a reasons to leave so I can goes and gets a drink. I’ll comes back.”  
Skwisgaar shrugged. “Fines, fines. But how ams I supposed to knows when you wants me to?”  
That was the easiest part. “Simples, I just fucks up a little.”  
“But you does dat alls de times!”  
“Nots anymore.”  
Now that he thought about it, Toki hadn’t messed up his parts in quite a while now. Strange.

Ofdensen had agreed to wait backstage with a cooler of blood, just in case. Once again, the guys had surprised him with their thinking, he had to admit this would never have occurred to him.  
He listened, the show seemed to be going well so far.  
Then there were screams, the wrong kind of screams. Apparently all hell had just broke loose, as usual.  
He only hoped that Toki wasn’t the cause of this.  
Assuming he that wasn’t, he should be coming back soon.   
Ofdensen was ready.

The scent hit him before the screaming did, thick and rich.   
Hoping like hell that Skwisgaar was paying attention, he missed a note.  
Right on cue, Skwisgaar turned on him. “Whats de fucks Toki, you can’ts even plays an easies song like dat without fuckings it up? A stupids dildos monkey coulds be playings better than dat!”  
Feeling that was good enough, Toki put down his guitar. “Fucks you Skwisgaar!” He ran off the stage.  
“Ah, he there he goes, to crybabies house for vacation.”  
Some people in the crowd laughed at that.

Pickles seemed pissed off at this, because they had somehow forgotten to inform him of the plan. “What tha hell Skwisgaar? Ya didn’t have ta be such a douchebag ‘bout it!”  
It was okay though, it actually made the whole thing more convincing.  
Backstage, Ofdensen was waiting, blood in hand. Toki sucked it down as fast as he could and went back, to cheering.  
Giving Skwisgaar a dirty look just for effect, the picked up his guitar and they finished without further incident.

Back in to bus, Nathan threw himself down on the couch.  
Toki headed straight for Nathan, curling up on the couch next to him and taking his hand.   
They all watched as he selected a finger and bit, sucking on it.   
Murderface had somehow managed to go this long without witnessing a bite, and watched in morbid fascination. Toki was acting more like a lost kitten than a scary monster. “What, you jusht let him bite you whenever he wantsh?”  
“Uh, yeah. Doesn’t hurt.”

Being on tour made everything feel mostly normal again.   
Or maybe it was just that, in these smaller quarters, they couldn’t avoid each other.   
It was like old times, with Skwisgaar announcing how many women he’d fucked in every single town they passed through, no matter how small. As in ‘small towns’, not ‘small women’, although he did mention a midget or two at one point.  
Sure things had changed, but they were still Dethklok, and that hadn’t changed at all.   
There were only two shows left now.

Their third show was the easiest one yet, casualty-wise. There had been only minor incidences so far, and Toki was determined to make it all the way through. He needed to, to prove to himself that he could.  
Skwisgaar kept throwing him glances, clearly focused and waiting for a signal if he needed to give one, but they kept playing, and Toki didn’t mess up.  
Feeling a bit proud of himself, Toki focused all his attention on his fingers, blocking out everything but the music. He could do this.   
And he was doing very well, actually.

Suddenly there was chaos, a crazed fan had somehow managed to smuggle in a huge knife. He attacked the line of hoods guarding the stage, slashing wildly. Blood flew and the line was breached, a few people managing to force past before the remaining hoods could close the gap. A severed head rolled across the stage, coming to rest near the drum kit and leaving a trail of blood as it traveled.  
The on stage guards were too far away to stop the fans as they stormed the band.  
Swerving nimbly past Murderface, two of them threw themselves at Skwisgaar.  
He went down hard, unfortunately sticking out his arm to break his fall.

Nathan started for Skwisgaar, but Pickles and Murderface were already running to help him, they could handle that.  
Oh shit, all that blood... Toki. He was probably close to losing it, if he hadn’t already. He looked around.  
Toki indeed appeared to be going for one of the guys who was still on stage, one that the hoods who were finally rounding them up hadn’t caught yet.  
Veering off track, he intercepted Toki, tackling him, and hopefully making it look like he was aiming for the other guy and just missed.  
Hitting the stage, he felt Toki’s teeth sink into his chest. It didn’t matter, the blood wouldn’t really show too much against his black shirt. “Get what you need quick, we’ve gotta get out of here, ” Nathan growled softly, feeling Toki’s desperation filter to him through the wound.  
There wasn’t time for this. “Enough. Come on!”

Leaving the stage, their stage guards closed in around them protectively.  
One hood, at close range, noticed the blood on his shirt. “My lord, you’re hurt!”  
Nathan waved him away impatiently, “I’m fine. It’s nothing.” Just Toki’s teeth, which you don’t know about. It was amazing they’d managed to keep their staff in the dark so long.  
Looking back, they saw Skwisgaar briefly holding his wrist, but he got up and raised his arms high, pretending that he was okay.  
It looked convincing, but they knew better.

Back in the bus, they were soon joined by Ofdenesn. “Skwisgaar’s being x-rayed, we’ll have the results soon.” He noticed Nathan’s bloody shirt. “Nathan, you’re bleeding, you should go get checked too.”  
“It’s nothing.”  
“Still-“  
Nathan cut him off by yanking his collar down to expose the wounds.  
“Oh. He bit you on stage?”   
“Better me than that other guy.”  
“I can’t disagree with that, but I sincerely hope none of the cameras caught it.”  
Well, there was really nothing they could do about that now, if they had.

Sitting around the table, they were all waiting anxiously for the doctor’s report.  
Soon he came in with a dejected looking Skwisgaar, whose arm was bandaged. “Well, the good news is that he didn’t break it, it’s just a bad sprain. He’ll be completely fine in a about a month.”  
Ofdensen nodded, and then knowing their main concern asked, “Well, can he play? There’s one show left.”  
“I would prefer he didn’t play at all, but it won’t do further damage if he does. However, the injury will likely affect his speed.”  
Skwisgaar went pale at that. “Gives me my guitars now, I has to be knowings!”  
With a resigned sigh, Ofdensen grabbed it and handed it over.

They all watched him play. Although still very fast, he was defiantly not quite up to his normal speed.  
It wasn’t long before he threw the guitar aside in frustration. “Dis ams no goods! Gives me de pills so I can plays!”  
The doctor just shook his head. “Well you see, it’s a tendon injury Skwisgaar, so pain killers will have no effect on that. I can make it not hurt, but it’s the damage that’s slowing you down. I’m afraid you’re just going to have to let it heal.”  
Ofdensen thanked the doctor, who left. “Very well then, I see no choice but to cancel the last show. I’ll be in my office if you need me, and we’ll head home tomorrow.”  
He turned to leave, but Nathan stopped him. “No, don’t cancel. We’re playing.”  
“Really, I don’t see how that will be possible. I know you’re disappointed, but sometimes these things happen.”  
With an apologetic look at Toki who was watching him in dread, he continued, “No. We’re playing, and Toki has lead.”

“Don’ts be stupdis, he ams not fast enough.”  
“Yah dude. Toki’s good, but it jest wouldn’t be tha same.”   
“No, Toki can play it, he uh, showed me. He’s faster now.” As an afterthought he added, “And stronger.”  
“I don’ts believe yous. And I finds dis unacceptables.”  
Guiltily, Nathan looked at Toki. “Prove it to them. It’s the only way we can play.”  
“Fucks.” Toki gave in. “Fines then, gives me a guitar.” One was placed in his hands. “What’s you want me to plays?”  
Skwisgaar’s eyes narrowed. “Plays dat new solo I writes.”

Still a bit reluctant, Toki played it. They couldn’t believe what they were hearing, he was every bit as good as Skwisgaar. Regular, full speed Skwisgaar, not the currently slightly injured Skwisgaar.  
When he was finished, Skwisgaar snapped. “You’s been keeping dis froms me!? Whys?!”  
“Uh, because, you know... you’d freak out? Like you’re doing?”  
“I AM NOTS FREAKINGS OUT!!”  
“Yah ya are dude, fuckin’ chill. What’s tha big deal anyway?”  
Skwisgaar turned on Pickles. “De big deals,” he explained, poking him in the chest with his good hand, “ams dat _I_ ams de fastest guitarist alives! Nots Toki!”  
“Maybe Toki’sh not alive anymore, scho it doeshn’t count?”  
“I’s pretty sure I’s still alive, Moiderface.”

Ofdensen was just sitting back waiting for them to work it out, so he would know what he needed to do.  
Toki made an attempt to reassure Skwisgaar. “I don’ts want to be the fastest, I don’ts want to takes yous place. That’s why I tells Nathan not to says anythings.”  
“See dat, he ams not even wantings to plays.”  
“I SAID WE’RE PLAYING AND THAT’S FINAL!” Nathan slammed both hands down on the table, and everybody shut up. “We’re playing. And you’re playing Toki’s parts.”  
“I gots and idea. Skwisgaar? We can plays at different angles than we usuallies do, then nobody will knows who is playings what parts.”  
“Dat ams dildos, woulds never works.”

Pickles decided to step in. “Look, I gat it. Ya know how we always wanted ta try playin’ in masks? We’ll jest do that.”  
“Oh ja Pickle? Do tells us how de masks hood tings ams goings to be hiding what our hands am doings?”  
“Ya switch clothes, and put yer hair up under it.”  
“Dat’s de stupidest ting I ever hears. We ams nothings alike.”  
The others were just listening now. “Sure ya are. Yer taller, but if we sep’rate ya, it won’t be so obvious. An’ ya look ‘bout tha same size ta me. Yer boots might be a prablem though.”  
“Nope, they fits pretty goods, ands the clothes too.”  
Skwisgaar turned slowly. “Toki? How ams you knowing dat?”

Whoops, he’d never meant to mention that, it just kind of slipped out. “Yous mad at me?”  
“Probablies. Tells me how you ams knowings dis.”  
“I tries them on one times, just to see. Onlies the pants and the boots, but they fits.”  
Nathan grinned. “Well. So we’ll play in masks. Uh, you two will have to play on opposite sides of the stage, kinda in the back. Murderface, stay up front with me so nobody can use you to compare size. Oh, and don’t forget to trade guitars!”  
Toki and Skwisgaar looked at each other guiltily, that very critical point actually hadn’t occurred to either of them. Good thing Nathan brought it up.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The last show, and some problems with the press

_I'm not afraid to live_  
 _I'm not afraid to die_  
 _I can only give_  
 _What I see inside_  
 _You can only take_  
 _What I give of me_  
 _You can only win_  
 _When I'm not afraid to lose_  
-Days of the New “Whimsical” 

 

Dressed in Toki’s clothes, Skwisgaar was not pleased. The pants were too short, but the boots hid that so it didn’t really matter. “Looks at dis! I’s never gone on stage looking dis sloppies in mine whole lifes!”  
“Yer jest lucky Toki’s gat big feet, could be a lat worse.”  
Toki walked in dressed as Skwisgaar, which looked even stranger.  
Skwisgaar was examining his freshly unwrapped, swollen wrist. “Dis idea is dildos, everybodies am goings to sees dis.”  
Toki disagreed. “Noes they won’ts. Trusts me Skwisgaar, nobody looks at me. They’s all goings to thinks I’s you, so they’s all goings to be watching me."

Out of time, Skwisgaar dared to admit his fears. “What if I ams not even fasts enough to be yous rights now? Mine hand jus doesn’ts works right.”  
It was too late to worry about all that. “You’s be fine, you’s see.”  
It was then that he remembered something that they’d overlooked. “Oh fucks Toki, I forgets. You ams not going to be able to gets off de stage, if you’s being me.”  
He’d already thought of that, but it couldn’t be helped. “I’ll manage somehows, I gots no choice.”

The masks were strange. Made of black leather (of course), but not glossy because shiny wasn’t brutal, and lined with a dark material which covered their eyes and mouths but didn’t interfere with breathing or vision in any way. While the head part was fairly fitted, they loosened at the neck and long strips of black material flowed from under them.  
Toki and Skwisgaar stuffed their hair up under it, and Pickles did too for a more uniform look. Murderface’s hair wasn’t long enough to show underneath, and Nathan left his loose to mix with the cloth strips.   
Then Nathan put on the pair of heavy chains he’d selected, draping them so that they crossed his chest.

When they walked on stage, they were met with a shocked silence. It was really Dethklok though, even with his face covered there was no mistaking Nathan Explosion.  
“We’re wearing masks tonight. We uh, wanted to surprise you. In outfits.”  
They played, Murderface proudly standing up front with Nathan.

Skwisgaar played as fast as he could, his injured arm wasn’t wanting to cooperate. He wished he could have left it wrapped, unbound it was swelling worse, threatening to slow his fingers even more.   
To have to listen to Toki playing his solos was very hard, but he knew he just wasn’t capable at the moment. The fact that he was playing them flawlessly only made it worse.  
Determined not to mess up, Skwisgaar pushed himself harder, forcing his fingers to cooperate.  
So far, Toki was managing okay. The mask let him not worry about his expressions and just play, and Skwisgaar’s complicated solos took all of his concentration since he’d never really tried to play them all before.

It was probably just a coincidence, but no real mayhem broke out. Sure there were an assortment of minor injuries and crushing deaths, but the overall bloodshed was well below average.  
They were all happy to finish and get back to the bus, so they could get out of those masks. Nathan and Pickles had pulled theirs off on stage after the last song, but of course Toki and Skwisgaar had to wait. And Murderface seemed to actually just like wearing his.  
They’d made it through, they could go home now.

**** 

Skwisgaar woke up early.  
Deciding it was finally time to go find Toki, he got up and pulled on some pants. He knew just where to look too.  
Sure enough, they were both in Nathan’s bed. Since Nathan tended to gravitate toward the middle in his sleep, there was plenty of room on the other side of him.  
Moving with surprising stealth for his size, Skwisgaar carefully crawled on to the bed, laying down next to Nathan. Then he carefully reached across, aiming a finger for Toki’s mouth.  
He wanted Toki to bite him without knowing who he was.

Toki was mostly asleep when he felt the finger slip into his mouth. Instinctively he nipped it.  
Quickly realizing just whose finger this was as the sensations hit him, he jerked away.  
This woke Nathan up. After a moment of disorientation, he realized just who was pressed against his other side, whose finger was now bleeding on his chest. “Skwisgaar! What the hell are you doing in my bed? And, you know, you promised!”  
Skwisgaar smirked, never taking his eyes off Toki. “Ja I dids, but the tour ams overs now. Besides, it ams safe enough wit yous in de middle, rights?”  
Awake now and considering the situation, Toki had moved back in close. “Uh, Toki?”  
They weren’t even looking at him. Toki held his hand out. “Gives me?”

Skwisgaar reached across Nathan again, and Toki took his wrist greedily, biting.  
Nathan sighed. It was really weird being in the middle of this, he could feel the intensity all around him.  
Just when he was thinking that he’d have to break them apart, Toki let go and Skwisgaar reluctantly withdrew his arm.  
“I wish I could like, see how that feels. You know, for you two?”  
“Maybes you cans.” Toki sat up. “Both of you, gives me your fingers.”  
With a quick glance at each other, Nathan and Skwisgaar promptly flipped him off.  
Laughing, Toki reached for their hands. “You wants that finger? They all tastes the sames to me.” He brought both fingers to his mouth, nipping each of them and sucking on them together.

The effect surprised them all.   
Nathan _could_ feel the intensity they had tried to describe, but probably not to the extent that they were feeling it.   
For Skwisgaar, it subtracted nothing from the experience, but made it less frantic, more controlled.  
And Toki, he was just thrilled. Here was the answer, mixing Skwisgaar and Nathan. It was completely intense but felt very manageable, he could probably learn how to handle Skwisgaar if they did it this way for awhile.

After a bit he let go. There was something Nathan had said... “What’s this you says about some promises?”  
Well crap, he did hear that part. “I told him that uh, if he left you alone ‘til after the tour, I’d uh... I’d make you bite him.”  
“Well I’s so glad you asks me first!”  
“Aw Toki, don’t be mad. Besides it’s like, okay now. Isn’t it?”  
Skwisgaar smiled at him, playing with his own hair and just happy to have gotten his way, “Ja Toki, You see hows it ams all workings out fines.”  
Toki tried to sulk, but it was hard to be mad at them.

Nathan saw what Skwisgaar was doing, pushing his hair back and stroking his neck seductively. Fuck it, he was going to have to tell him. “Toki, leave the room.”  
“Whys?”   
“Because I need to talk to Skwisgaar. Alone.”  
“Fine, whatevers. You two have funs.” He got up and stalked out the door.  
Skwisgaar, sensing this was a serious moment, barely managed to refrain from throwing one of his classic ‘lady on her periods’ remarks after him.

“Well he ams gone, what ams de problem?”  
“You gotta stop that shit. You know, with your neck. Just quit it.”  
Skwisgaar sneered at that. “Whys? Ams dat jus for yous? Pfft.”  
“No. Look, don’t let him know I told you this, he doesn’t want anybody to know. But we tried that once.”  
“Oooh. Was it goods?”  
“Skwisgaar, he almost killed me. I had to like, get transfusions and stuff. And then he tried to kill himself.”  
“For serious?” This was clearly the last thing he’d expected to hear.  
“So now you know. Just don’t do it.”

**** 

Nathan was beginning to wonder if he’d ever have his bed to himself again.  
Toki was still sleeping with him most of the time, and now he had Skwisgaar in there as well.  
Toki would occasionally bite Skwisgaar on the wrist if he felt he was up to it, and if Nathan was between them. Usually though, he just sucked on their fingers.  
The three of them were falling into a pattern.

As the three of them lay in bed together, Nathan realized just what he was feeling on his leg. Or more importantly, what he wasn’t feeling. “Uh Skwisgaar? Wake up! Are you naked?”  
“Well ja, dat ams how I sleeps.” He still sounded mostly asleep.  
“Uh-uh. Not in my bed. You’ve gotta wear at least underwear. And get that off my leg. Now!”  
Skwisgaar made no move to get up and put something on, but at least he rolled over.  
That didn’t really solve the problem, but it made it a lot easier to ignore.

A few hours later as they were all relaxing in the hot tub, Ofdensen came in and changed the tv channel. Ignoring their protests, he explained, “There’s been a development, and you all need to see this news broadcast. Now be quiet and pay attention.”  
The Dethklok Minute was they only news they ever bothered watching, and it wasn’t time for that. What else could possibly be important?  
A commercial ended, and a ‘breaking news’ banner flashed across the screen. They listened as the attractive but very serious looking news lady began to tell them the story.

 _“Are the members of the popular metal band Dethklok vampires? As unbelievable as this may sound, new evidence says yes. We have some footage from their most recent tour, and I warn you that it is not for the sensitive. You may want to ask your children to leave the room.”_  
They looked at each other in surprise. People thought they were all vampires? Why?  
After an appropriate pause, the news lady continued, _“Here you see the attack on the guards nearest the stage.”_ A short segment of video showed the blood flying, and even the beheading that they hadn’t really noticed at the time. Then the fans were rushing Skwisgaar. _“Watch closely as the guitarist falls.”_ On the tv, Skwisgaar went down. The video looped in to slow motion. _“See how his arm hits, and how he holds it afterwards? He’s clearly been injured.”_ Skwisgaar on the ground, clutching his wrist in the moments before he’s pulled himself together and pretended he was fine. 

_“And then there is this, from the same concert. Please watch closely.”_ The video showed the part where Nathan had tackled Toki. Nathan was pleased to see that he’d managed to make it look like he’d been aiming for the other guy after all. The video slowed to a loop.  
 _“See how both Nathan Explosion and Toki Wartooth go after that poor man? Fortunately, they collided and the man was able to escape unharmed. Here in these closeups,”_ The picture changed to still photos, _“you can clearly see the blood where Toki has bitten Nathan, probably out of frustration.”_ There were a series closeups, from different angles. Although it looked bad, they were all relieved to see that Toki’s fangs weren’t visible in any of the shots. And then another shot, as they were hurrying off stage. _“If you look closely, you can see the blood on Toki’s mouth, and although it’s harder to see, the blood staining Nathan’s shirt.”_

More video, a small clip from the last show. _“And now for this concert, two days later. This show was started just before dark. It is speculated that the concealing masks that they are wearing are to block the remaining daylight, which would be dangerous to them.”_  
“Dat ams bullshits! What’s about our arms? Stupid dildos reporters.”  
 _“Notice that Skwisgaar is playing flawlessly, and his arm is not even swollen. Our experts all agree that this would be impossible, unless he had mysteriously healed in just two short days. They have reviewed the taped extensively, and are positive that no human could sustain an injury of that nature without at least partially affecting his manual dexterity. Therefore, it seems clear that Skwisgaar Skwigelf is no longer a mere human.”_  
Pickles scratched his head. “Well, at least ya fooled everyone.”

 _“Other than the masks they wore in the daylight, we have no solid evidence that either Pickles the Drummer or William Murderface are also infected, but it seems highly likely under the circumstances.”_ The video was replaced by a still photo of the band, and she continued, _“The public wants to know, will Dethklok come forward and address these issues, or will they hide away in their estate? We’ll have to wait and see. I’ll be bringing you further updates whenever anything new is uncovered. In other news...”_  
Pickles turned off the tv.  
They all looked at the manager, waiting.

“I’ve taken the liberty of scheduling you a press conference, it just won’t do to let this thing get out of hand. It’s two weeks from today, and all five of you will have to attend.”  
Before the usual grumbling could start, he continued, “There is however, a complication. I’ve managed to learn that the ‘experts’ plan top subject you all to a series of tests. I will try to prevent this, but I know who’s handling their legalities, and he’s very good. It’s likely that he will have counter measures ready for everything I can throw at him, so we need to be prepared.”  
“Uh, what kind of tests?”  
“Most of them won’t be any issue. There is one though, the one that I know they’ll push the hardest for, that has me very worried.”

“It ams not de silver bullets, I hopes?”  
“That’sh for werewolvesh, you idiot.”  
Ofdensen held up his hands for silence. “No it’s not bullets, I would never allow anyone to shoot any of you, they know better than to even suggest it. No, what they plan to do is ask each of you to bite a volunteer, to prove you’re not a blood sucking vampire with fangs. It’s unlikely that I will be able to legally prevent this, so we need to be prepared.”  
Toki was staring at him, clearly terrified. “But I’s _am_ a bloods sucking vampire with fangs! How’s I supposed to does that?”  
“Well you have two weeks to learn to control it, so you can safely bite someone without drawing blood.”  
“Noes! I can’t does it, just fucking kills me or somethings! Maybe tells them I falls down the garbage chutes, I don’ts care, just gets rid of me!”  
Nathan stood up, leaning over and pounding both fists down on the table. “NO! And don’t fucking say that again!”

“Toki, I need you to at least make an effort here, this is very important.”  
“We’s will helps you. You can be practicing on us, ja?”  
Nathan nodded in agreement, “Yeah. Practice.”  
“I bites you all the times, how’s I supposed to just stops?” Toki shook his head. “I’s hopeless.”  
“I’ll do it.” Everyone turned to Pickles in surprise. “What? I’m perfect fer it. Look Toki, ya’ve never bitten me. An’ if ya accidently do, it’s naught a big deal.”  
That actually sounded like the perfect solution.

“There is one more thing we need to discuss, Nathan, Skwisgaar, listen up now. I don’t want either of you to allow him bite you anymore until this whole thing is over. Time is short, and he needs to be focused on _not_ biting. Now Toki, Pickles can be your test subject, and I volunteer myself as well if you feel you need another. Is everyone clear on this?”  
They all seemed far from pleased, but they grudgingly agreed.  
“I can’ts has Nathan? Nots even a little? He helps me!”  
“No Toki, I’m sorry. And I’d like you to sleep in your own bed, to reduce temptation.”


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Practicing, and the press conference

_There's no reason_  
 _To deny_  
 _It's the season_  
 _Of the lie_  
 _Having someone_  
 _Grin at you_  
 _Look at little fingers_  
 _Pointing truth_  
 _Man it's a weight on my mind_  
 _And that's fine_  
 _But now we wade past the point of decline_  
 _There's no time_  
-Alice in Chains “Lying Season” 

 

Although the test would likely involve an arm, Toki was trying to start with just a finger. Pickles lounged patiently beside him, doing his part even though his finger was getting pretty sore. Toki hadn’t drawn blood yet, but he’d been chewing on it in frustration with his front teeth while trying to control his fangs.  
They were so automatic, it was really hard to believe he could ever learn to control them. He concentrated, trying to hold them back. Progress was slow.  
Growing tired of this, Pickled yanked his wristband higher up his arm. “Jest try it.”

Closing his eyes and holding his breath (the less sensations the better), Toki slowly and carefully placed his mouth on Pickles’s arm. He could do this... maybe.  
And then he lost it, his fangs plunging in, giving up and drinking.  
He managed to stop fairly quickly. Pickles wasn’t like Skwisgaar, the way he felt to bite, that made it a lot easier.  
But no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t stop his teeth. Pickles’s wrists were getting very torn up, and had taken about all he could deal with for the moment.  
Of course, his wristbands his the injuries.

Ofdensen was looking over some reports when Pickles walked in and draped himself across a chair. “Yes, may I help you?”  
I was jest wonderin’... Toki’s bit ya, raight?”  
“Yes he has, once. It was necessary for collecting vital information.”  
“Well I was wonderin’, what did it feel like ta ya?”  
“I see. Hmm, it wasn’t unpleasant, but I didn’t find it to be particularly enjoyable either. Why do you ask?”  
Pickles nodded thoughtfully. “Thet’s what it feels like ta me too, nothin’. I thought there was sahmthin’ wrong with me maybe.”  
“From what I understand, it’s different with different people. Besides, you know that very little has any effect on you anymore, so I suppose it’s not surprising that this doesn’t either.”

“Look Afdensen, I don’t know what ta do. He’s tryin’ so hard an’ he’s gatta learn, but it’s jest naught workin’. Good thing I gat wristbands, ‘cause he’s chewin’ me up pretty good.”  
Retrieving the taser from his desk drawer, he placed it in front of Pickles. “Perhaps he needs more incentive.”  
“Won’t thet hurt ‘em?”  
“Yes. But you know what’s at stake here, so don’t hold back. Can you handle this?”  
Pickles shrugged. “I don’t like it, but I can do it.”  
Deciding he might as well get started right away, he went to find Toki. They could get another lesson or two in tonight.

“Alreet Toki, Afdensen gave me this ta help ya.” He placed the taser on the table in front of them.  
“Oh fucks, not that thing agains.”  
“I’m sahrry, but ya gatta learn. Maybe this’ll make ya try harder.”  
That just pissed him off. “I’s trying as hards as I cans!”  
Pickles could be a hardass when he needed to be. “Well then maybe ya won’t need it. Practice.”  
Toki took the offered arm warily. He put lowered his mouth, keeping an eye on Pickles’s other hand.  
Pickles wouldn’t really use that would he? Would he?! His concentration broke and his teeth sunk in.  
OH FUCK HE WOULD.  
Toki hit the floor.  
Pickles set the taser aside to wait for him to recover enough to continue practicing.

A few days later, Murderface approached him almost shyly. “I wanna know what it feelsh like.”  
Toki looked up, confused. “What’s you mean?”  
“When, you know, you bite people.”  
“Hows it feels to me? Or... are you askings me to bites you? You knows I’s supposed to be tryings to learn _nots_ to does that.”   
“Yeah I know, but you’ve bit everyone elshe... I jusht don’t wanna be the only one left. I bet I tashte really terrible though.”  
“I bets you won’ts.” He smiled reassuringly. “You’s sure you wants this Moiderface?”  
Despite his fears, he was determined to go through with it. “Yeah. Jusht do it Toki.”

Toki did, biting him on a finger. As he had suspected, Murderface tasted just fine. Toki could taste his fears evaporating as he realized that it really didn’t even hurt.   
In fact, it felt pretty good to Murderface. It wasn’t something he be really wanting to do again, a bit too intimate for his tastes, but he was glad he’d worked up the nerve to experience it.  
Toki let go. “We’s good, Moiderface?”  
“Yeah Toki, we’re good. Thanksh.”

The press was clearly not going to let the whole thing drop, in fact the claims were only getting wilder.  
Pickles came running in, waving a newspaper. “Dude, ya made tha headlines!”  
NATHAN EXPLOSION: HEAD VAMPIRE?  
There was even a photo, altering him into a monster with red eyes and huge fangs.  
Nathan turned to the manager. “Hey, is there like, any way to find out who made this photo?”  
“Why yes Nathan, and don’t worry, I fully intend to sue them.”  
“No, I mean I wanna buy it. It’s really cool.”  
Well... “Very well then, I’ll make an offer for it, if you like it that much. Now while I have you all here, I also have some news.”

“Listen up, I’ve succeeded in finding out what the tests will be. The first will be sunlight. I think they truly expect all of you to burst into flames, so they should be quite disappointed with that one. Then, when you survive that, some moron wants to sprinkle you with holy water.”  
They were finding this pretty funny so far.  
“Oooh heys, can I pretend day I ams meltings?” Skwisgaar looked excited at the prospect.  
“I would really rather that you didn’t. Moving on, they will also give you all a small amount of food and drink, to see if you can consume them.”  
“Uh-oh. Toki doesn’t eat anymore.”  
“I’m aware of that, but he’s still capable. Toki, you might want to eat a little every now and then, refamiliarize yourself with it.”  
Toki waved that off. “I eats for years, that’s not something you forgets how to does. I’s fine.”

“I’m still working to find a way to prevent the last test they have planned, but I’m unlikely to succeed. They do indeed wish to see all of you bite someone. Toki, I know you’re working hard on this, but the rest of you, please refrain from taking out a chunk just because you can. Do you understand me? _Do not draw blood_. If you can’t do that for me, do it for Toki, think of how that would affect him.”  
They nodded. Of course they would have to behave, much as they really wanted not to.  
“The main focus will likely be on Nathan and Skwisgaar, and that’s in our advantage.

**** 

Time had run out, and they were on their way to the press conference. All they could do now was hope that Toki could manage to pass the test.  
In the blacked out privacy of the limo, Ofdensen handed Toki a cooler.   
Opening it, he found several bags of blood, and looked up questioningly.  
“Drink at least two of them now.” It wasn’t a request, it was an order.  
“Why’s? I’s okay.”  
“I didn’t ask you if you thought you were okay, I told you to drink. We’re going to need every advantage we can get in there.”  
Making a face, Toki obeyed. He still didn’t like it cold and plain, especially if he wasn’t really hungry at the time. After draining the required minimum, he set the cooler aside and went back to staring out the window. 

After parking in the secure underground garage, they went in.  
The place was packed. It was supposed to be members of the press only, but either they’d let in others, or this crowd contained press from all over the world. The announcer greeted them, ushering them to the stage. Ofdensen was asked to take a seat off to the side, where some nervous looking young men sat in folding chairs. These were probably the ‘volunteers’ for the biting test. This was out of his hands now, he could only hope it would all work out for the best.

For the sake of his control, Toki had wanted to be far away from Skwisgaar and close to Nathan. Even though they’d been behaving themselves, Skwisgaar was just too tempting. And preferably close to Pickles, his practice buddy. So that’s how they lined up; Nathan, Toki, Pickles, Murderface, and then Skwisgaar.  
They stood proudly, but still looked a bit like prisoners about to be executed.  
The announcer jumped right in, explaining how they were suspected to be vampires, and that there was photo evidence to support this. “Now if you’ll focus your attention to the big screen...”

A photo of Skwisgaar lying on the stage holding his wrist was shown, next to a clip of him (but actually of Toki) playing at the next show and completely fine. “It’s quite clear to everyone looking at this that you were injured. Yet, a mere two days later, you played a show with all your usual speed, and that is simply not possible. Unless of course, you have a supernatural ability to heal, hmm?”  
Even though his arm _still_ wasn’t completely healed, you couldn’t tell just by looking at it anymore. “Pfft, you ams all dildos, I’s not hurts.”  
In disbelief of this blatant denial, the man gestured to the photo. “Yes you were, Look at this.”  
“I don’t knows what you ams talkings about.”

Seeing he was getting nowhere, the man turned to Toki, and the photos changed. Now they showed closeups of him and Nathan on the ground, the blood on his mouth clearly visible. “How do you explain the blood that these photos clearly show?”  
Making his English _much_ worse in hope to avoid further questioning, Toki gave them the story they had decided on. “People crazy, all runnings. Runs that way, Nathan, falls down. Mine lip, owie hurts, gets on him shirts all bloodies.”  
They watched the man attempting to process this into something that actually made sense. “So you’re saying that you split your lip when you fell, and the blood got on Nathan? Is this correct?”  
“Stupids, not listens. Likes that, I just am tells you hows.” There was a reason that Toki rarely spoke in public, so that he could get away with shit like this.  
The man gave up. “Uh... okay, very well then.”

Turning back to the audience, he continued, “At _great_ cost, we have had a specially designed remote controlled skylight installed in this building. As I’m sure you all know, sunlight is a common weakness of vampires, and possibly even fatal to them. We will now _open the light_!”  
Very, very slowly, a widening beam of light appeared on the floor in front of them. As the unseen motor labored, it grew up their legs.   
The crowd waited.  
Eventually, they stood completely in the light. And nobody was catching on fire, or even looked uncomfortable.  
Well, that sky light had been a waste of money for sure, but they weren’t through here yet.

“Our next test will be holy water!”  
An elderly man in clerical robes came onto the stage, carrying one of those religious water-sprinkling things. At the announcer’s nod, he started working his way down the line.  
Nathan and Toki didn’t react at all, and Pickles just wiped at some that hit him in the eye. Murderface ignored it completely.  
Then he came to Skwisgaar.  
Skwisgaar screamed as the water hit him, throwing his hands up. “I’S MELTINGS!” Then he ruined the effect by breaking into hysterical laughter.  
The holy guy looked offended, and left the stage.

“Vampires can only consume blood, correct? They should no longer be able to eat human food, and will become violently ill if they try.”  
Where the hell did this guy get his information? But the crowd seemed to be agreeing with him...  
“You all saw the water did not harm them, but another liquid might. Anything but blood should be like swallowing drain cleaner to a vampire.”  
Seriously, what the hell? Toki was still nervous although he hid it well, but the others were trying not to laugh at this man’s stupidity.

“For this test we have selected cheese and vodka. Each band member must consume both to prove that they are capable. As I previously said, a true vampire would be sickened by such things, and find them unbearable.”  
An attractive woman in tight clothes walked out with a small plate of cheese. Someone had thought it would be cute to stamp a small cross on each piece. Another woman followed, carrying a tray of already filled shot glasses that had crosses on them as well, probably drawn with a Sharpie. They moved down the line, handing out there wares.  
Toki ate his immediately, cheese was still pretty good even if it was useless to him now.  
The others were eating theirs without complaint, and none of them were going to argue about the vodka, of course.  
Free drinks made any situation better. Refills would help even more, but that looked unlikely.

But when they came to Skwisgaar, he waved at the first girl dismissively. “Nones for me, cheese ams too fattenings.” Everyone stared at him in disbelief. “Ha, I’s just kiddings with yous, I loves de cheeses.” Still smirking, he popped it in his mouth.  
Ofdensen couldn’t decide if he wanted to strangle Skwisgaar or thank him. He didn’t normally act out like this, but it was focusing most of the attention on him and away from Toki. Was that intentional, or was he just being a dick? It was hard to say.  
And of course, Skwisgaar could pass all the tests.

The poor announcer was clearly discouraged, but unwilling to give up. “Now for our final test, one that will prove _beyond any doubt_ whether or not these men are truly vampires. Will they chosen volunteers step forward?” The five men, clearly soldiers, got up and came to stand before the band, one for each of them. He continued, “These brave men have graciously volunteered to risk their lives. One at a time, they will allow themselves to be bitten on the arm, chancing infection and even death!”  
For some reason, the crowd thought this was great, and started cheering wildly. The assigned test subjects looked quite fearful, clearly expecting the worst.  
“Our first test will be Nathan Explosion, the accused head vampire! Go ahead Nathan, bite the man!”

Pissed off at this whole thing and not feeling very nice, Nathan bit him hard. Only his concern for Toki kept him from exerting the full pressure of his jaws. The man screamed in pain, and the crowd went wild again.  
Various cries of, “He’s a vampire!” rose from the watchers.  
The announcer waved for silence. “No he’s not, see, there’s no blood.” He studied the impressions. “He doesn’t have fangs, just has kind of long teeth.” He moved closer, and Nathan snarled to give him a better view. “Why didn’t your dentist file those things down a little when you were a kid?”  
“He tried. I bit him.”  
“I bet you did.” He’d hate to be the dentist who had to take care of this man.

“Next up we have Skwisgaar, our jokester. Bite your volunteer.”  
Still in his evil mood, Skwisgaar brought the arm to his mouth, then slowly ran his tongue from elbow to fingertips, then sucked a couple of the fingers into his mouth. Several people in the audience swooned at this sight.  
The interviewer was not pleased, not at all. “Mr. Skwigelf, if you would simply bite your volunteer now?”  
With a smirk, he did, sucking hard at the man’s wrist. The crowd gasped.  
Skwisgaar let go and held the arm out to the audience, showing the hickey he’d just put on it.  
From the sidelines, Ofdensen shook his head, very glad it wasn’t this one who’d turned into a vampire.   
Although he had to admit, he’d have made an excellent one.

Pickles was called next. Finding Skwisgaar’s mood a bit contagious, he gave his guy a sly wink before deciding to behave and just giving him a quick bite. It was also a test to see if they’d accept that, or if they were going to insist on a longer one. He hoped Toki was paying attention, since there was no way he could say anything to him.  
Finding this acceptable, or just glad to be moving along after the trouble with the first two, Pickles was declared not a vampire.  
They called Murderface next.  
He grabbed the presented arm roughly, biting down and grinding his teeth a little.  
The man grunted in pain, yanking his arm away, and the crowd strained to see blood.  
There was none.

Now only Toki was left, this was the moment of truth. His success rate was still only about 50%, but all the time had run out. Although he was doing a very good job of not showing it, he was terrified.  
Just real fast, like Pickles did, that was his only real hope.  
When instructed, he took a deep breath and went for it.  
He pressed his mouth to the arm lightly for a second, then dropped it. He hadn’t dared actually bite down. The question was, would they accept this?  
The man, having no idea how close he’d been to real danger, was just relieved to be done. He held his unmarked arm up proudly, and it was over.  
All having been proven to not be vampires, they were dismissed.

Back in the limo, Ofdensen once again tried to force the cooler on Toki, but he refused, curling up next to Nathan instead. They watched him, Skwisgaar with envy and the manager with resignation, as he bit a finger and began sucking on it. Well, at least he hadn’t done it inside.  
Once again having proven that the press were idiots who really knew nothing about them, or anything else for that matter, they were done.  
Now they could go back to as normal of lives as they could manage, which except for Toki, would be pretty normal. And he was doing a lot better now, overall.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magazine offers, and Skwisgaar finally gets his way

_I lie, I wait  
I stop, I hesitate  
I am, I breathe  
I meant, I think of me   
Is it any wonder I can't sleep?  
All I have is all you gave to me  
Is it any wonder I found peace through you?  
Turn to the gates of heaven, to myself be damned  
Turn away from eye  
It's not enough, just a touch  
It's not enough   
-Smashing Pumpkins “Eye” _

 

Skwisgaar’s wrist was pronounced completely healed, and regular practice resumed. They hadn’t played together at all since what they now referred to as the hooded show.  
Toki resumed his old place with no complaint, and Skwisgaar seemed to be determined to pretend that the whole thing hadn’t really happened, that he had never actually played rhythm for _Toki_.   
Things were more normal now, the forced closeness of the tour had brought them all back together.

Although Toki had readjusted to sleeping in his own bed, now that he was allowed to do it again he started sleeping in Nathan’s bed some nights. Often Skwisgaar would join them too.  
Of course Skwisgaar had suggested they sleep in _his_ bed for a change, despite the obvious risk of getting blood on his white everything, but Nathan refused to sleep anywhere but his own bed. And although Toki would sleep with just Nathan, he refused to sleep with only Skwisgaar. So Nathan’s bed it was, at least until one of them could think of a solution to this.

Toki still only dared to bite Skwisgaar on the fingers, except for the rare occasion when he still felt comfortable with Nathan standing watch or lying between them. It wasn’t that he distrusted him, it was just that he knew that Nathan could no longer overpower him, making things more dangerous now.  
But the biggest problem with this arrangement was that, unlike Nathan, Skwisgaar needed his fingers to play. The assorted small wounds hurt when he practiced.  
Even though he’d tried hard to think of a solution, it was Skwisgaar himself who finally came up with one.

They were all together when he decided to mention it. “I was tinking abouts whats you can be bitings and not worries. I has an ideas, tongues bleed a lots.”  
“I dunno dude, I’ve heard ya can die from thet.”  
“Noes, I looks it ups on de interwebs. What’s you says Toki? Wants to bites mine tongue?” He stuck it out, wiggling it at him.  
He looked very uncertain. “Are you sures I can’ts kill yous that way?”  
Sensing victory, Skwisgaar grinned and walked over to him, pressing his mouth to Toki’s and sliding his tongue in.

Toki tried to jerk back, this was too much like a kiss for him to be comfortable with it, but Skwisgaar hung on and quickly impaled his own tongue on one of Toki’s teeth.  
It bled freely and Toki immediately reversed directions, wrapping his arms around him and sucking it deeper into his mouth.  
Skwisgaar moaned, melting against him.  
If Toki hadn’t been holding him up he would have just slid down into a big Swedish puddle on the floor.

The others watched in a kind of horrified fascination. It wasn’t the biting that bothered them, not anymore, it was just-  
Well, Pickles put it best. “I don’t know man, it looks like yer jest makin’ out or sahmthin’”  
“Uh, yeah. Better not let the press see that shit.”  
They were really distracting. Still supporting Skwisgaar, Toki pulled his mouth away. “Stands up you big dildo, I can’ts holds you up forever.”  
“Hmm. Feels like you coulds, you ams reallies strong.” With a sigh, Skwisgaar made his legs go back to holding his weight. 

“Why’sh it scho different with Shwisgaar?”  
Toki shrugged. “Don’ts know, everybody’s just differents I guess.”  
“Yah, I didn’t rally feel anything at all. Kinda wish I could though, jest ta see.”  
Skwisgaar looked at him thoughtfully. “We can makes you feels it.”  
“Ish that even posshible?”  
“Works with Nat’ans.” He could see they were intrigued.   
“I wanna schee.”  
“Yah, me too, I’ve been wonderin’ what tha big deal is.”  
“What’s you think Toki, both of dem at once? Would’s dat work?”  
“I thinks so. Pickle is pretty neutrals, so I don’ts see whys not.”

Pickles glanced at Murderface, he seemed okay with it. “Eh, how do we do this?”  
“Gives me yous fingers, doesn’t matter which ones.”  
Skwisgaar held one out and they followed suit, Pickles eagerly and Murderface somewhat warily. Toki took the fingers into his mouth, nipping them all and working at them with his tongue to mix their blood together. He watched their expressions change as they shared the experience.

Pickles attempted to analyze it. “Ya know, this jest feels like nothin’ else. I guess I’d have ta describe it as erotic, but it’s naught sexual. I mean, I don’t have a boner or anythin’.”  
“Me eithers, it ams not likes dat.”  
“Thish feelsh a little too pershonal for me. Like a nonschexual orgy or shomething.” He took back his finger, and Toki let go of the others as well.  
Ever hopeful, Pickles had a thought. “Maybe it’s jest yer blood Skwisgaar. Maybe it’s gat nothin’ to do with Toki. Can I try it?”  
That was an interesting thought, so Skwisgaar stuck his still-bleeding finger in Pickles’s mouth.

Pickles wouldn’t make a very good vampire, he talked too much. Even when he had a finger in his mouth. “Tase like bhlood.”  
They all found that pretty funny.  
“Dat’s what it ams, so dat ams not surprisings.”  
“Yeah. Uh, what did you expect it to taste like?” Nathan was finding this whole thing amusing.  
Pickles shrugged and spit out the finger. “Nah, doesn’t do nothin’ ta me.”

****

Nathan had his bed back, most of the time now.   
Toki was sleeping in his own bed, or maybe even with Skwisgaar. They were spending a lot more time together now, if he didn’t know better he’d think they were doing more than biting behind closed doors.  
But not them, they wouldn’t be doing _that_. He was pretty sure anyway. Besides, Toki still turned up wanting to bite him, and of course he let him. It was just too nice to pass up.  
But it was getting really weird to watch them together.

Toki was lounging on the couch. Skwisgaar walked in and went straight to him, straddling him and sitting in his lap.  
He looked up at him with a grin. “Hi Skwisgaar, what’s you wants?”  
“You knows what I ams wantings.” He lowered his head, flicking at Toki’s lips with his tongue.  
Toki pulled back. Skwisgaar couldn’t be healed from the last time yet. “Are you sures? It’s goings to hurt.”  
At the affirming nod, he took the presented tongue and bit, feeling Skwisgaar’s entire body melt against him.  
Toki held him close, not sucking but letting gravity feed the trickle of blood into his open mouth.

“That looksh scho gay.”  
Toki broke the contact, but Skwisgaar responded first. “Pffts, it ams not de gays, we shows you, you feels it.”  
“I was jusht shaying that’sh how it looksh. You’re practically having schex right now.”  
“No we’s not.”  
“Ja, we ams not. Don’t even has de boners, you can checks.”  
Murderface recoiled a bit in horror. “That’sh shick! No way am I touching your dick!”  
Since his tongue was still bleeding a little, Skwisgaar put it back in Toki’s mouth, wanting to get as much as he could out of the experience.

Ofdensen happened to walk in and catch the end of it. “Uh, guys? Why are you kissing?”  
Skwisgaar sighed and looked up. “Ams not de kissings, he bites mine tongue.”  
“Oh. Well I assure you, to everyone else it looks like you’re kissing. You need to limit that to your rooms so nobody sees it, unless you want the gay rumors to start.”  
“We uh, already told them that. I think they just like, don’t care. Or something.”  
“Well if the press finds out, you’re on your own, just letting you know.” With that he left, on his way to where ever he’d been heading before being distracted by them.

Pickles had been thinking again. “Hey Toki, I was wanderin’ ‘bout sahmthin’. Doesn’t kissin’ Skwisgaar like thet make it hard to kiss girls?”  
“I can’ts kiss the goils anymores, too dangerous.”  
“Aww thet sucks, ya always liked thet.”  
Toki just shrugged, nothing he could do about it. Things were just different now.  
“Scho let me get thish shtraight- you only kissh Shwisgaar now? That’sh scho gay.”  
“Oh fucks you Moiderface.”

Pickles wasn’t done yet. “Ya can’t kiss ‘em at all? Anywhere?”  
“Noes. I has to keep my teeth far away or I wants to bites them.”  
“But ya could. I mean, they sign all tha waivers an’ shit, ya can do whatever ya want ta with them. Even kill ‘em if ya want, an’ nobody’s gonna care.”  
Toki gave him a hard look. “ _I_ cares. I don’ts want to kills people.”  
Pickles backed down. “Sahrry dude, it was jest an idea.”

****

It was meeting time again, and they sat around the table waiting for the manager to pile the latest bullshit on their heads.  
“It seems that the recent vampire rumors have increased your popularity, if that’s even possible. I’ve received several requests from magazines wanting to run photos and interviews. Would you even like to hear them, or should I just tell them all no?”  
“Let’sh hear them, I like knowing who wantsh me.”  
“Anyone else?” At their apathetic nods, he opened a folder.

“Okay. Well Nathan, you’ve received another request from Playgirl. I assume you haven’t changed your mind about posing for them?”  
“Fuck no! I don’t want, you know, _dudes_ jackin’ off to me. That’s... not cool.”  
“You are aware that it’s a magazine designed for women, aren’t you?”  
Murderface knew better. “I read shomewhere that over half their readersh are men. Gay men.”  
“Gee Moiderface, you sure knows a lots about gay.”  
“Schut up Toki.”

Ignoring them and continuing, “Now Murderface, Speed Sport News knows that you’re a NASCAR fan and wants to run an article on you.”  
“Will I be on the cover?”  
Ofdensen scanned the whole request. “No, they just want a short interview. Are you interested?”  
“Will it have picturesh?”  
“I don’t believe so, no.”  
Disappointed, he nodded. It was still better than nothing.

Nathan knew how Murderface got when he gave interviews. “Don’t like, be telling them you’re the Dethklok song writer. Again.”  
“What the hell Nathan, one little mishtake and you never let me forget it?”  
“Uh, you said it on live tv. To the whole world. How the fuck is that a little mistake?”  
Not willing to let a full out argument develop, Ofdensen tried to move on. “Calm down Nathan, I’m sure he’ll be just fine. Murderface, please refrain from telling outrageous lies this time.”  
“Hey!”  
Ofdensen ignored him.

“Now Skwisgaar and Toki, Rolling Stone wants you both for the cover.”  
Skwisgaar waved dismissively, unimpressed. “Pfft, whatevers.”  
“I wants to do it!” Toki had never been asked to do a cover before. “Or else,” he added threateningly.  
Skwisgaar raised an eyebrow. “Or elses whats?”  
“Or else I stops biting you!”  
“Pfft. Yous not goings to be doesing dat, you likes it jus as muches as I does. But if it means dat much to yous, den okays, we will does it.”

“Pickles, I’m sorry but there were no requests for you this week.”  
“Thet’s fine, I don’t rally like doin’ those anyway.”  
“Well I guess that’s all then. I’ll give Playgirl the bad news and tell the other two that you accept. Hopefully all the rumors will die down soon and things will get back to normal around here.”  
Meeting over, they all wandered off to do whatever. Except for Ofdensen, wandering wasn’t his style. He went back to work, with purpose.

****

Skwisgaar and Toki sat in the manager’s office, wondering what they were in trouble for this time. Ofdensen tossed a tabloid down in front of them.   
On the cover was a slightly grainy photo, but you could clearly tell it was them, and they did indeed look like they were kissing.  
“I thought I asked you to limit your biting games to your rooms, but apparently you didn’t listen to me. I’m showing you this so you’ll know what to expect, but you’re on your own with this one. I will of course, deal with the photographer if I can find them out. Oh, and you can expect Rolling Stone to bring it up, so think of what you’re going to tell them.”

Left alone without their accustomed automatic super manager bailout, they tried to think of what to do.  
And, not coming up with anything, they gave up and asked the others for advice.  
“Maybe uh, like tell people that it’s not really you? Imposters? Who stole your clothes?”  
“That’sh shtupid, you can schee both their facesh too well. It’sh them. Jusht admit you’re gay.”  
“But we’s not gay!”  
“I gat it.” Pickles retrieved his laptop, typing until he found what he was looking for. Then he motioned them closer.

“I gat tha answer fer ya, listen ta this.” He hit play, and they watched the band on the screen.  
“They ams... pretty goods I guesses, but what dat gots to do wit us?”  
“Dude, keep watchin’... There, this part!”  
As they watched-  
“Oh heys, they’s kissing! Are they gays?”  
“Nah, they jest do it ‘cause it’s funny.” He studied them for a moment. “Ya know, they even look kinda like ya two. Heh, never noticed thet before.”

“So what ams you saying, Pickle? Dat we should be kissings for reals?”  
“I’m jest sayin’ thet metal guys can kiss an’ naught be gay.”  
Toki objected with strange logic, “If we does that, they’s goings to say we copies them!”  
“We will tell dem we ams doings dis longers, dey copies us. Dat guy, he ams goods, but wish he was goods as me. And de udder guy, you can plays better dan dat, and you doesn’t even play keys much.”  
“Heh, there ya go. Try it out, kiss er sahmthin’.”

“Well Littles Toki, has you ever kissed a guys?”  
“Does what we do counts?” Skwisgaar shook his head. “Then noes. Wait- you means you _has_?”  
“Why ams you surprises? You knows I’s done pretty much everytings.”  
“I don’ts want to.”  
“Ah cahm’on Toki, ya said ya can’t kiss girls anymore. I bet ya miss it.”  
Nathan finally spoke up, “Pickles? Uh, why the fuck are you pushing for this?”  
“‘Cause it’s funny as hell, dude! I wanna see ‘em makin’ out!”

The topic was dropped, but later when they were in Skwisgaar’s bed, he brought it up again. “Toki? Tells me how it feel when yous bite mine tongue.”  
Toki looked over at him, confused. “You knows that, you feels the same thing.”  
“Tells me anyways.”  
With a sigh, he tried to explain. “It feels... it’s never enough. I knows I has to stop, but I don’ts wants to, not evers.”  
“So whats if it ams not jus de bloods? Maybe it ams jus me?”  
Toki would have replied, but that’s when Skwisgaar leaned over and kissed him.

It was soft and teasing. Toki reached for the expected tongue, wanting to bite, but Skwisgaar wouldn’t give it to him, just light kisses with his tongue barely brushing his lips.  
He kept it up, one hand in Toki’s hair, holding him back. This was his game, the seducer no one could manage to resist, or at least not for long.  
He forgot he just who he was dealing with.

Toki couldn’t take being teased and denied, he was losing control.   
Suddenly he flipped them, pinning Skwisgaar to the mattress and trying like hell to remind himself to bite him somewhere safe. Staring hard into Skwisgaar’s eyes, he growled, “Gives me your tongue, _now_.”  
Seeming to suddenly realize the danger he was in, Skwisgaar meekly complied and Toki’s mouth came down hard on his as he drank.

When he finally let go, he immediately moved away from Skwisgaar. “I tolds you I can’t fuckings kiss, don’ts ever push me likes that again. You has no ideas how _close_ that was.”  
“You wouldn’ts be hurtings me.”  
“I hurts you alls the time. I could kills you in seconds.” He shook his head. “I’s goings to my room.”  
“You ams going to Nat’ans, I bets.”  
“Noes. But think what you likes.” He got up and left the room.

Toki did spend that night in his room alone, but the next night he turned up in Nathan’s locking the door behind him.  
“Hey Toki. Uh, you have a fight with Skwisgaar? Or something?”  
“I can’ts trusts him and I don’ts want to kills him.”  
“Oh.” Yeah, killing Skwisgaar would be bad. “You like, want my arm?”  
“Mm-hm.” He hadn’t been going to ask, but since Nathan offered... he bit his wrist, relishing the comforting feeling of Nathan’s blood. They were so different...


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The interview, and problems that only keep getting worse

_In your life you seem to have it all_  
 _You seem to have control_  
 _But deep within your soul_  
 _You're losing it_  
 _You never took the time_  
 _Assume that you're to blame_  
 _You think that you're insane_  
 _Won't you spare me_  
-Tantric “Breakdown” 

 

The Rolling Stone interview was at the magazine’s headquarters. They’d been instructed to bring their guitars and wear tight pants.  
No problem for Skwisgaar, all he owned were tight pants. Toki just picked the tightest ones he had, which weren’t really all that noticeably different.  
They were mostly quiet on the ride there. They hadn’t spent much time together since that night in Skwisgaar’s bed, Toki worried by what had almost happened and Skwisgaar just realizing that he’d pushed things too far. This was the closest they’d been to alone since, with only a couple guards.  
But because of this, they’d never come up with any sort of story or explanation, and were just going to have to try to wing it.

It was hard, knowing how it could be... just a little bite, missing it.   
But it was impossible, these guards couldn’t know, and the people waiting on them _really_ couldn’t know. So they suffered in silence, wondering why they ever agreed to do this in the first place.  
Soon they arrived, it was a big building. They had no idea where to go.  
This wasn’t a problem, because they were greeted by a perky woman whose name they both immediately forgot.  
She ushered them in, leading them down a hall to a studio, seeming very excited to have them there. 

“Okay, now what we’d like to do is get the photos done first, then interview you both. Is that alright?” They shrugged in acceptance. “What we’d really like is if you two would be willing to take your shirts off?”  
Skwisgaar peeled his off without a second thought, tossing it aside. Toki, not knowing what else to do, followed suit.  
With much directing and rearranging, she got them and their guitars situated how she wanted them and turned on a big fan so their hair would blow. Toki found all this really weird, but Skwisgaar had done covers before and seemed to take it all in stride.   
The flashes were distracting.

After many shouted instructions and camera angles, she’d apparently found the look she was going for. The fan was turned off, but it looked like they weren’t done yet.   
And sure enough, she had more in mind. “Due to the recent vampire rumors, we would love to get a few staged shots. Will you play along?”  
Skwisgaar crossed his arms. “Tells me what you has in minds.”  
With a huge grin, she held up a finger and hurried over to a box by the door. Retrieving it, she addressed Skwisgaar. “Will you put on these fake teeth and this cape, and pretend to bite Toki?”

That would be pretty funny. With a glance at Toki to make sure he seemed okay with this, Skwisgaar agreed, taking the items. The cape was very nice, red lined black silk. It was too short on him, but he guessed their feet wouldn’t show anyway. The teeth were a Halloween prop, but not bad quality overall. They felt really funny in his mouth, and weren’t even accurate, not that these people would know.  
Dressed, he awaited instruction.  
Toki, looking at this apparition, muttered, “Don’ts you dare bites me for reals.”

She positioned them, giving instructions the whole time. “Toki, stand in front of Skwisgaar... no a little off to the side. Good, now lean back just a little and tilt your head like this” She showed him how she wanted it. “Good. Skwisgaar, bend close, show the teeth. Keep your eyes on the camera. Toki, close your eyes.” She paused to consider. “Hmm, Skwisgaar, grab his hair, like you’re pulling his head to the side, good. Toki, could you try to look a little scared or something?”

Toki _was_ scared, so he just quit trying to hide it. That seemed to be what she wanted. It was so hard, being this close. When Skwisgaar was instructed to grab his jaw, those fingers were only inches from his mouth. He wanted to bite, but couldn’t do it here. This was torture.  
Apparently she liked the tortured look, because she said they had enough.  
However, her expression said she wasn’t done with them just yet.

“One more thing I have to ask, because everybody will want to know: Are either of you gay?”  
Toki was still keeping quiet and letting Skwisgar do all the talking, he was the one she was focused on anyway. “We ams not de gays, no.”  
“Now I’m not sure I believe this, but there’s supposed to be a photo of you two kissing?”  
“Ja we does dat sometimes, drives de fans wild. Dey loves it.”  
“So it’s true then, you really have kissed Toki? Will you do it on camera?”  
“Sures why nots? I kisses anybody, I ams not picky. Wants me to be kissings you?”  
Feeling that was a great idea, she gave instructions to the cameraman and approached him.  
Neither of them seemed to notice Toki’s somewhat horrified expression.

“I kisses you den I kisses him, okays?”  
She nodded, standing so the camera angles wouldn’t show her face well. Her body of course was unmistakably female, it spoke for itself.  
Skwisgaar kissed her, leaning down to her level and putting all his considerable skill into it. The camera flashed repeatedly.   
When he stopped, she was out of breath and struggling to regain her composure.  
She walked rather unsteadily back to her spot near the cameraman, and instructed, “Now kiss Toki.”

Skwisgaar tried his best, and while Toki wasn’t resisting the contact, he was keeping his teeth clenched. Skwisgaar groaned, to be so close... all he needed was a little bite... “ _Toki please_...”  
Toki _wanted_ to, wanted it more than he had probably ever wanted anything, but he wasn’t going to do it. Not here, not like this.   
Skwisgaar was licking at his teeth now, trying to catch an edge. It didn’t really work that way.  
Fortunately, the cameraman said he had enough, and Toki stepped away.  
They put their shirts back on.

Then there was the interview.   
It was really pathetic, the chick just reading off a page of questions and not caring all that much what they said. Dumb shit, like did they all get along? Well of course they did, or they wouldn’t still be together.  
She was still focusing mostly on Skwisgaar, making Toki wonder why they’d even wanted him to come too. It couldn’t be the gay thing, that hadn’t come out until after the offer was made.  
Would she ever shut up with bullshit questions?

Finally it was over, and they were on their way back home. Toki was sitting against the door, as far away from Skwisgaar as he could get. This whole thing had been a lot harder than he’d expected it to be. Why did he still think he could pretend to be normal?  
Skwisgaar was watching him in confusion, not sure what he might be thinking. He was probably mad about the kiss, but Pickles’s idea had been all he could think of when put on the spot like that. All he really knew was that he had to get Toki to bite him again, somehow.  
The short ride home seemed to take forever.

As they walked through the Haus, the others wanted to know how it went. Toki ignored them all and went straight to his room, locking the door.  
Skwisgaar, who had tried to follow him, stopped in confusion. Not knowing what else to do, he went back to talk to Nathan. “Heys. Cans we talks?”  
“Uh, sure. Here?” Skwisgaar shook his head, not in front of the others. “Um, lead the way?” He got up and followed as Skwisgaar headed to his room.  
Lacking other furniture, they both sat on the bed. Nathan waited.

“You gots to helps me Nat’ans. He won’ts bites me no mores, won’ts even be hanging around wit me. And I _needs_ it, I ams worse dan Pickle an his drug, I needs it so bads.”  
Nathan really wasn’t the best at this sort of thing. “So like, what happened?”  
“I fucks up. I tries to be kissings him, he gots scared or somethings. He ams avoidings me evers since. Tells me what I shoulds be doings.”  
“Ah man... I have no idea. Maybe like, try talking to him? Why’d you kiss him anyway?”  
Skwisgaar shrugged. “Seems like de good ideas, at de times.”  
“Sorry. Really, I got nothing.”  
“Tanks anyways Nat’ans.”

****

A few more days of making no progress, and Skwisgaar was thinking of resorting to more devious measures. He remembered that first time, how as soon as Toki had tasted the blood he’d been willing.  
So all he would have to do is bleed a little, that sounded easy enough. It wasn’t long before he saw his chance.  
Toki was on the couch, watching tv alone. Now was his chance, there wouldn’t be a better opportunity than this.  
Skwisgaar bit his own lip, and it hurt like _fuck_. But it was bleeding, that was all that mattered.

He walked quickly to Toki and pressed his mouth to his, making sure to get blood on him.  
The reaction was instantaneous and unexpected. Toki shoved him hard, throwing him across the room.  
He hit the floor on his back, sliding a little and knocking the air out of him. But before he could even think of trying to get up, Toki was on him, eyes wild and clearly at the very edge of his control.  
Skwisgaar stuck out his tongue in invitation, although it seemed just as likely that Toki would go for his throat instead.  
He closed his eyes and waited.

Toki was so close. He could feel his weight on top of him, his breath on his skin. So very close.  
And then he was gone, and he heard the slam of the door as he left the room.   
Skwisgaar lay where he was, crushed by his failure. Also, his back hurt from hitting the stone floor.  
Even blood wasn’t enough to bring him back.  
There was only one more thing he could think of, one place that might work. He really had nothing left to lose.  
Skwisgaar went to Nathan’s bed that night.

Nathan didn’t seem too surprised to see him. He doesn’t sleep here much, you know.”  
Skwisgaar just shrugged, miserable and craving.  
With a sigh, Nathan got up. “Stay here. I’ll be back.” He supposed he had to talk to Toki, this was getting out of hand and he didn’t much like being in the middle of it.  
He found Toki in his room. “Hey. Come with me.”  
“Whys?”  
“You know why. Because this is bullshit and it needs to end. Besides, I’ll be there.”  
Nathan in the middle, like the old days. Funny how he already thought of them that way, it wasn’t long ago at all. With a tired sigh, he got up and followed.

They climbed in bed, Toki looking at Skwisgaar warily over the wall that was Nathan.  
Nathan didn’t fuck around. He grabbed Skwisgaar’s arm, pulling it across himself. “Toki, just bite him. I can’t take any more of this crap, so get it over with.” He held the arm out expectantly.  
Fuck it, he’d blame it on Nathan. Toki bit.  
It was everything he remembered, everything he’d tried so hard to forget.  
Lying against Nathan’s other side, Skwisgaar sobbed softly as the feelings poured through him.

It took a quite a bit of shoving to make him let go, and even more to keep him from biting again.  
Finally Toki backed off, then just got up and left the room without even bothering to say anything.  
Skwisgaar stayed.  
Nathan decided he would talk to the manager, this was getting too much to try to deal with. Something had to be done. Things had seemed fine when Toki was biting him regularly, so maybe they just need to make him bite more? All he really knew was that both his guitarists were miserable and it was causing trouble.

****

After a conversation with Nathan, questioning the others, and lots of thinking, Ofdensen thought he had a plan. It didn’t take long to gather the things he might need, or hoped he didn’t need.  
Now here they all were, in an informal band meeting to attempt to resolve this. Toki sat on the couch, with Nathan and Ofdensen on either side of him. Skwisgaar sat in a chair across from him, with Pickles and Murderface close by.  
Skwisgaar looked miserable, Toki looked very nervous. Murderface looked kind of nervous too.

“Okay guys, this tension is causing problems in the band, so it’s important that we get it resolved. We all know you two used to enjoy the biting games you played, but then you stopped. It seems like things were better then, so the solution seems to be that you should resume.”  
“Noes. I’ll kills him.”  
“But you like, worried about that before. And it was fine?”  
Toki didn’t even look at him. “Never was fines. I can’ts control it, if we keeps doing it I’ll kills him.”

“I see.” Ofdensen had expected resistance. “Well I have an idea, I want you to bite him with us here to keep things from getting out of hand. Will you do it?”   
Skwisgaar looked hopeful, but Toki just shook his head. “You can’ts stop me anymores.”  
“Oh I’m sure we can. Skwisgaar, will you come closer?”  
He did, crawling up to straddle Toki’s lap like he used to, leaning close.  
Toki didn’t move, but closed his eyes and growled at him through clenched teeth, “ _Gets away from me now if you wants to live_.”

Nathan and the manager were holding his arms, Pickles and Murderface were standing by. Skwisgaar kissed him, and when he somehow managed to not react, changed tactics. He twisted a little and pressed his neck against Toki’s lips.   
Toki was fighting with everything he had, he so badly wanted to rip into that throat, drink from him until there was nothing left. He was very, very close to doing it, and they wouldn’t be able to stop him.   
If he killed one of _them_ , he wouldn’t be able to live with himself. Why didn’t they believe him, why didn’t they understand?

Ofdensen was getting frustrated, why was Toki resisting? They had it all under control, it was safe. He noticed that Nathan and Pickles were looking unsure now, and Murderface had backed off a few steps.  
He yanked on Toki’s arm roughly, trying to knock him out of whatever trance he seemed to have put himself in, and realized that Toki was holding his breath now. That was easy to fix, he elbowed him in the ribs, forcing him to breathe.

The combination of the pain and the need for air made Toki open his mouth, and when he did, Skwisgaar’s skin was right there, pressing in.  
Even at his best he’d never managed good control over his fangs, and at this point he had none at all. They slid into Skwisgaar’s neck and he lost what small measure of restraint he had left, drinking.  
It was the sweetest thing he’d even known.  
He didn’t even hear Ofdensen commanding that he stop, or the rising panic in the other’s voices.   
There was nothing left in his world but this moment, this blood.

Ofdensen had quickly realized that Toki wasn’t listening, and pulled out his taser. What worked in the past should work now. Giving orders for Nathan to briefly let go and Pickles to grab Skwisgaar, he tasered him.  
It didn’t have much effect, didn’t incapacitate him or knock him out.   
It did however, cause him to let go of Skwisgaar’s neck just long enough for Pickles to yank him backwards and onto the floor. Pickles tried to drag him farther away, but even weakened as he was, Skwisgaar was trying to get back to Toki.

As they struggled to restrain Toki, Ofdensen realized that things were much worse than he’d thought. Even with Nathan’s considerable help, it was taking all their combined strength to hold him back. The only good thing was that he was still completely focused on Skwisgaar and hadn’t turned on either of them. Yet  
They were slowly losing.   
On his own, Pickles wasn’t managing to move Skwisgaar further away, and Murderface was still just standing by, looking somewhat dazed.  
For the first time, Ofdensen wondered if he was going to have to kill Toki to stop him.

Toki was almost free, time had run out.   
Ofdensen shifted his grip and reached for his gun. They would blame him for letting this happen, he would blame himself. But what else could he do, except hold on as long as he was able?  
Toki finally turned on them, knocking Nathan aside and wrenching free of the manager’s grip.  
He turned back to Skwisgaar.  
Pickles, still holding him, feared for his own life.  
Ofdensen raised the gun.

Then Murderface stepped between them, slashing his own arm with his knife.  
Toki shifted his focus and sprang at him instead, knocking him back and to the floor. Grabbing the bleeding arm, he drank.  
The taste of Murderface’s terror washed over him, making him stop.  
Once again aware, he looked around him in confusion, seeing the blood, the fear, and the gun aiming right for him. Horrified by what he’d done, Toki got up and ran out of the room.  
They let him go.

Ofdensen put the gun away. “Skwisgaar, I want you to go to the hospital, you most likely need a transfusion. Murderface, you go too, that arm needs stitches. That was a very brave thing you did. Nathan, Pickles, are you okay?”  
Nathan just nodded, and Pickles waved off his concern. “Eh, I’m fine. An’ Murderface is a hero, who would ‘ave though.”  
“Alright, I’m going to go make sure these two get taken care of. Nathan, would you be willing to try to find Toki? I don’t think he’ll try to hurt you.”  
“Um, yeah. Okay.”  
They set off for their various destinations. Pickles, who wasn’t needed elsewhere, headed to his room. He wondered if he had enough drugs to forget this whole thing, if there were even that many drugs in the whole world.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things are changing even more now.

_The way we were..._   
_The chance to save my soul..._   
_And my concern is now in vain._

_Believe the word._  
 _I will unlock my door..._  
 _And pass the cemetery..._  
 _Gates._  
-Pantera “Cemetery Gates” 

 

Toki had locked himself in his room, and he was thinking.  
When Nathan pounded on his door and demanded to be let in, he got up and unlocked it, no need to make Nathan break it down. And he probably would too.  
Nathan sat on the bed beside him. “Talk to me.”  
He had to ask, “Hows are they?”  
“I’m pretty sure they’re gonna be fine. Skwisgaar was even up and walking.”  
Toki nodded, that was good.   
They sat in silence for a minute, neither knowing what to really say.

Nathan was replaying the whole thing, and no matter how he tried, it still looked the same. “So uh, about Skwisgaar? Would you have really killed him?”  
“You knows I would have.” He stood up. “I’s leaving.”  
“Why? So you can kill yourself and we can’t stop you?”  
“Does it evens matter?” Without another word, without even taking anything, Toki walked past him and out the door.  
Nathan let him go, there was no way he could stop him if he was truly determined to leave.  
Maybe he was kidding? Maybe he’d come back?

Three hours later, Ofdensen finally found Nathan, asleep on Toki’s bed.  
He shook him gently. “Nathan, wake up. Where’s Toki?”  
Nathan sat up, looking around. “Fuck. He uh, left. I thought he might come back.”  
Nothing seemed to be missing. “What did he take with him?”  
“Nothing? He just like, walked out. I think... he was planning to kill himself?”  
“And you just let him go?” Ofdensen shook his head. “I’m sorry Nathan, I shouldn’t have said that. I know you would have been unable to stop him, as strong as he is now.”

The second band meeting of the day was held later that night, after a search of the Haus and grounds had turned up no sign of Toki.  
Not bothering with preliminaries, Ofdensen jumped right in. “Not long after the events of this afternoon, Toki left the Haus. He told Nathan he was leaving, and took nothing but the clothes he was wearing. Nathan believes he was planning to kill himself, and that is a possibility.” He could see they wanted to ask questions, but he wasn’t up to answering, and continued. “If he’s alive, he will need to feed. I will be watching news reports carefully, there’s no way something like that would go unnoticed. If he’s alive, I’ll find him. If nothing turns up... then I’m afraid we’ll have to assume the worst.” Uncharacteristically, he turned and left them at that.

They stayed where they were, not really knowing what to think.  
“Nat’ans? Ams he reallys gone?”  
“Yeah. But maybe he’ll come back? I mean, he’s gotta, right?”  
Pickles was trying to picture Dethklok without Toki, _life_ without Toki, and he couldn’t. “Afdensen’s gonna find ‘em, wait an’ see.”  
They wanted to believe that, but it was hard.  
After a while, they drifted to their rooms, if they weren’t together it wasn’t as obvious that they _all_ weren’t together.

Nathan woke up to the sound of soft crying. Hopefully, he rolled over, but it was only Skwisgaar. “Hey.”  
“Fucks, I wakes you ups. I sorries.”  
“It’s okay. I uh, miss him too.”  
Skwisgaar just cried harder. “It ams all mine fault! I keeps pushings him, he tell me to stops but I doesn’t!”  
Nathan pulled him closer, trying to offer what comfort he could. They’d shared a bed so many nights, but never without Toki there too.  
His absence was huge.

**** 

As the weeks grew into months with still no sign of Toki, Ofdensen was losing all hope. He tried to tell himself that Toki was the least distinctive of them all, the one who could most easily go unrecognized, disappear. But no matter how he tried to rationalize it, Toki needed blood to survive and he would have to kill for it. Without the resources they had here, there would simply be no way for him to get enough otherwise.  
Every day, he scanned news and tabloids from around the world, searching for any mention of vampire or unexplained animal attacks.  
Every day he found nothing that pointed to Toki.

The press and the fans knew that Toki had left the band, but had been given no details why.  
The questions were starting, the people were wondering about the next tour, who would play with them.   
Audition tapes came in the mail daily, from hopeful fans seeking to join Dethklok. As much as he wished he could just throw them all away, Ofdensen listened to them all, keeping the ones that were very good. Someday they would have to talk about getting another guitarist. Not yet, none of them could face that yet, but eventually.  
It looked like Toki was lost for good.

Skwisgaar came to Ofdensen one day. “I am wantings someting.”  
“What is it Skwisgaar?”  
Dose pictures de magazine take, I wants alls of dem.”  
That was an odd request. “All of the magazines?”  
“Pfft noes, alls of de udder pictures, dey takes lots.”   
Well that should be easy enough. Still... “Are you sure-“  
Skwisgaar cut him off. “You works for me. I wants dem, so does it!”  
“Very well.” He’d deal with Skwisgaar’s mental health later.

****

The band was recording again, very slowly.   
It had been a long time since their last album, and Ofdensen had encouraged them to record. They needed something to distract them, it killed him to see them all still moping around. Every now and then someone would forget for a minute and laugh, then look guilty.  
Since Skwisgaar almost always ended up recording the rhythm lines himself, it shouldn’t have been so hard for him to do them, but it was. His regular parts he got down in one take, but the other parts... he was needing more takes that even Toki ever had.

After he’d thrown his guitar down once again, ruining yet another take, Knubbler finally yelled at him. “Just play the damn lines, or we’ll get somebody else in here to do it!”  
“NOES! Those ams Toki’s lines! He can does dem when he comes back... any days now...”  
Pickles went to him. “It’s okie man, cahm’on.” After leading Skwisgaar out, he turned to Knubbler. “I’ll record the damn tracks, okie? An’ don’t tawlk ta ‘em like thet again.”  
With a shrug, Knubbler waved him toward the booth. “Whatever. As long as it gets done.” Who were they fooling, they couldn’t possibly tour without another guitarist. But that wasn’t his problem.

Pickles went to find Nathan later. “What a day, eh?”  
“Uh-huh. You get those tracks done?”  
“Sure. I’m naught Toki, but I’m okie, they’ll do. Skwisgaar still won’t accept it, will he?”  
“He like, blames himself. Hell, we all do.” They’d all fucked up, at some point.  
“Ya gat thet raight. Hey, do ya rally think Toki’d kill himself?” This had been bothering him for a while.  
Nathan nodded. “He tried once, right in front of me. Didn’t do it right, I guess. And he talked about it a lot.”  
“I jest whish I would ‘ave known, this rally sucks. Drink with me?”  
“Sure.”

They sat in the hot tub, drinking beers. Murderface was probably still in the studio, and Skwisgaar kept to himself a lot these days. The hot tub seemed too big and kind of empty with just the two of them in it.  
Pickles sighed. “I hate ta even bring this up, but it’s gatta be said. We’re gonna have ta hold auditions soon.”  
“I know, it sucks. And Skwisgaar’s gonna hate it.”  
“Well, he gave Toki hell at first too, we jest gatta fins sahmbody fast enough that can put up with his bullshit.”  
“Pickles? Can we stop talking about this? For now?”  
“Sahrry.” They kept drinking, in silence.

****

Nathan realized he hadn’t seen Skwisgaar for a few days. They were all far less social than they used to be, but this was exceptional. He was probably in his room, he spent most of his time there these days. He went to look.  
Skwisgaar was sitting on his bed, he didn’t hear Nathan come in, he was busy.  
Nathan saw the blood and stopped. “Skwisgaar? What the hell are you doing?”  
He looked up, tossing the knife aside and trying to hide his bleeding wrist. Nathan grabbed him, throwing him down and pinning him. “DO NOT fucking kill yourself! I mean it!”

“I nots, I ams being carefuls!” He didn’t look like he gave a shit.  
“Skwisgaar, I’m fucking serious.”  
“I _misses_ him Nat’ans! I tells him all de times dat he ams no goods, dat he can’t plays. I tells him dat I _hates_ him. So why does I misses him so damns much?”  
“So... What? I don’t get it.”  
Skwisgaar sighed, starting to cry again. It seemed that’s all he did some days. “I was tryings to be pretendings dat he was here. Doesn’ts work.”  
“Oh.” Nathan pushed himself to the side, dropping on the bed beside him.   
They stayed on Skwisgaar’s bed that night.

As he was falling asleep, Nathan noticed something. A guitar in a guitarist’s room was nothing noteworthy, but he still should have seen it sooner.  
On a stand in the corner was Toki’s Flying V, with Skwisgaar’s own Explorer next to it.  
That spoke more than words ever could.  
Even in the dim light, he could see the difference, see the dust on Toki’s. He wasn’t even playing it, he was keeping it as...  
Some sort of shrine?  
Shaking his head, Nathan put an arm around Skwisgaar and went to sleep.

Pickles had been wondering something, and Nathan was the most likely one to know. “Hey, can I ask ya ‘bout sahmthin’?”  
“Uh, okay. But I probably don’t know the answer.”  
“Well if ya don’t, then nobody does, ya spent tha most time with ‘em. Skwisgaar’s naught getting’ over this, do ya think he was _in love_ with Toki? I mean, they weren’t havin’ sex or anythin’, raight?”  
“No they weren’t, but Skwisgaar would have. He like, offered it at least once. But yeah, I think he was, I’m not sure he even knows it.”  
Pickles nodded. “That sucks.”

Ofdensen walked in. He’d checked the security monitors, needing to talk to the two of them and seeing the perfect chance. “Sorry to interrupt, but there’s something we need to discuss. Could you both come with me to my office?”  
They followed, wondering what it would be.  
He motioned for them to be seated, then pulled out a small box. “There’s no easy way to say this, so I’m just going to jump right in. You will be expected to tour in a few months. You need to audition guitarists.”  
“Yeah. We like, already talked about that. A little.”  
“It sucks, but what are we gonna do? Jest quit?”  
“Well I certainly hope you won’t all quit. I’ve received a number of demos in the last few months, and kept the better ones. I’d like you to listen to them and pick some to try out. Can you handle this?”  
They both nodded, took the box and left.

They went to Pickles’s room, he had the best sound system outside the studio. There were eleven demos that the manager had felt worthy of their consideration. There were no labels, but he had marked each with a number.  
Slowly, they went through them, sorting them into ones that they liked and ones they didn’t.   
Really it should have been Skwisgaar doing the sorting, but neither of them felt comfortable asking him to even listen to these.  
Finally, they’d picked the three that sounded the best, overall.  
Not bothering to walk back, Pickles called the manager. “Okie, we listened ta ‘em. Set it up for 3, 5, and 8. Yep, no names. Okie.” He hung up. “Thet’s done, we’re gonna studio test ‘em Monday.”

But there was one big problem, how to tell Skwisgaar. After much debating, they decided it was a job for Murderface, so they went to talk to him.  
“Murderface. We uh, have to try out guitarists. On Monday.”  
He nodded, “Well it wash jusht a matter of time.”  
“An’ dude, we need ya ta tell Skwisgaar. Make ‘em agree ta it, ya know?”  
“What do you want me to schay?”  
“Just, you know, be a dick. You’re really good at that.”  
Murderface puffed up. “Yesh I am. Scho are we doing thish now?”  
Pickled nodded, and they went to find Skwisgaar.

He was in his room, as he usually was these days, and looked at them suspiciously when they all came in. “What ams you wantings?”  
“Uh, guitarists try outs are Monday. You have to be there.”  
As expected, he was not agreeable. “NOES! I plays wit Toki or I doesn’t plays! I quits!”  
Murderface stepped up, ready. “Toki would want ush to go on, you know it. Do you think he’d want to schee you deshtroy Dethklok becaushe of him?”  
“You ams right. For Toki? Buts nobody will ever be replacings him!”  
“We’re not. We’re getting another guitarist, not another Toki.”  
“Dude, well put.”

****

On Monday, they were working out the last details. Pickles would be running the audition for the most part, and had some ideas on how to go about that. “We need ta level tha field. They all gatta play tha same guitar, naught whatever they own. Hmm, maybe Toki’s?”  
“Noes! Dey ams not touchings Toki’s guitars! Dey can use one of mine extras.”  
“Schounds fair. Hey, maybe one if then ish fat, then they could be the fat one in the band.”  
“Uh, we don’t know what any of them look like. It doesn’t matter. All three are good, if one turns out to be a monkey I don’t care.”  
“Nat’ans? We ams not playings wit a monkeys.”  
“Yeah dude, it’s gatta be a person. But I git what ya mean.”

It was time, so they headed for the studio.   
The test would be very difficult. The applicants were already there, but waiting in a separate room. One at a time, they would be required to go into the recording booth and play something, anything they wanted. But they had to use one of Skwisgaar’s guitars, and they had to do it in the dark.  
That had been Skwisgaar’s condition, and they had all agreed because sometimes on stage, it did become impossible to see.  
One at a time, one would be brought in under a big sheet, and shut in the booth. That way they wouldn’t even see each other until they picked the winner.

Ofdensen, Knubbler, and a few gears were already seated and waiting.  
As they sat down, Skwisgaar was having second thoughts. “I don’t think I can be goings through wit dis after alls.”  
“It’a alreet, I gat it.”  
“Jusht remember, do it for Toki.”  
Skwisgaar nodded, and Pickles went to work. “Alreet, bring in number one!”  
They had been assigned numbers, to keep things nice and fair. A Klokateer escorted in a sheet-draped person, and led them to the booth. In the dark, they were handed a guitar and the door was closed.

There was silence.  
Pickles took the mic, “Dude, here’s yer chance. Play sahmthin, impress us.”  
“W-what...” the voice sounded terrified, “what should I play?”  
“Thet’s yer call, but ya’d better decide pretty quick.”  
There was some fumbling and random jarred notes, and then he played.   
They sat and listened, trying to picture how this style might fit with theirs.  
After a few pauses where the person in the room was prompted to play even more, they called it good enough. The sheet-bearers removed that one and brought in number two.

It went similarly for both two and three, the person being prompted to keep playing for some time, until the band was finally satisfied.   
When number 3 was removed, still under the sheet, they compared notes.  
“I ams not likings any of dems.”  
“Dude, they’re naught thet bad. I do say thet number 2 should leave though. Rally fast, but no technique.”  
“Ja, can we throws out de twos?”  
“Fine with me.”  
Ofdensen, sitting behind them, motioned for number two to be escorted out. Then he waited to see who they would choose.

Pickles looked through his notes. “Well number one’s prab’ly better, but I think I like number three. He’s kinda rough, but there’s potential.”  
“We’re shupposed to go on tour again in a few monthsh, we don’t have time for potential.”  
Pickles sighed. “Alreet. Number one, what do we like ‘bout ‘em?”  
“Uh, he’s fast?”  
“I don’t knows, he ams very nervous when he starts. I don’t likes him.”  
“But ya don’t like any of ‘em.”  
“Dis ams true.”

Pickles rolled his eyes. “Fine, number three. What do ya like? I alreedy said what I think.”  
“They like, both sound good to me.”  
“I schay he’sh not fasht enough.”  
“Skwisgaar?”  
“How does we even know if dey can plays what I tells dem to?”  
“Eh, he’s gatta good point. Well, let ‘em play with ya? Make it as hard as ya want, see what they can do. What do ya think?”  
“Fines. Brings de ones and de threes backs in, we meets dem now.”  
The waiting Klokateer went to get them.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Choosing the new guitarist, finishing the album, and going on tour

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those who may be interested, I did a character sketch of Silas, who you are about to meet, and Alex, who you will meet in chapter 14. It’s not great, because I made it for me not you, but you can see it [here](http://ic.pics.livejournal.com/zsomeone/17730743/40910/40910_original.jpg) if you like. I’m not going to get super-descriptive.

_Close your eyes and bow your head_  
 _I need a little sympathy_  
 _‘Cause fear is strong and love’s for everyone_  
 _Who isn’t me_  
 _Kill your health and kill yourself_  
 _And kill everything you love_  
 _And if you live you can fall to pieces_  
 _And suffer with my ghost_  
-Soundgarden “Burden in my Hand” 

 

Unsheeted, two rather nervous looking guys walked back into the room.   
One was shorter and a little chubby, with short bleached hair that he wore spiked up.  
The other was thin and of medium height (which is to say somewhere between Pickles and Skwisgaar) with long dark hair, and a chunk in the front dyed bright red.  
“Okie, yer both gonna play with Skwisgaar.” He studied them, the blond guy was definitely the most nervous. He might puke or something if they made him wait. Pickles motioned to him. “Number one, yer first, have at it.”

The guy put on the spare Explorer like he was afraid of it. Skwisgaar looked down at him.  
“Okays, I plays sometings, you copies me. Cans you does dat?”  
Sweating, the guy did his best to nod assuringly.  
Skwisgaar played one of the easier (in his opinion) rhythm lines. The guy copied it.  
Back and forth they went, Skwisgaar adding harder stuff, and everyone judging to quality of his playing.  
Just to see what would happen, Skwisgaar instructed, “Plays wit me.” and started playing his own lines.   
The guy was lost. He had copied well, but couldn’t do this. It didn’t really matter anyway, he would never be allowed to write his own lines.

Skwisgaar looked done, so Pickles indicated that the other guy should take his place.  
He did so, seeming a lot more confident. Or at the very least, a lot less neurotic.  
Around and around they went again, Skwisgaar feeding him different lines, harder and harder ones. Then he did the same thing, playing his own parts to see what would happen.  
After listening for a moment, they guy started playing. It wasn’t quite what Skwisgaar would write, but it was acceptable. It would be good to have a guitarist who could wing it if that ever became necessary.  
Finished, they were both dismissed from the room so the band could decide.

Murderface hadn’t changed his mind. “Number one ish shtill fashter.”  
“Dude, I thought he was gonna puke up there, I don’t know if he could be on stage with us. I still like number three. Nat’an?”  
“Uh... How the fuck should I know? Skwisgaar, you decide.”  
Skwisgaar considered. “Dey both copies fine. I agree wit Pickle, de little fats one ams too nervous. De udder, I tink he can does it.”  
Pickles, still being in charge, instructed that the number one guy be dismissed, and number three be brought back in.

He walked back in, clearly anticipating but trying not to get too excited.  
“Well dude, congradulations, yer in. What’s yer name?”  
The guy grinned. “Silas Warren.”  
Skwisgaar cocked his head. “Silence? Dat’s a funny names.”  
“Call me Sy. This is... _unbelievable_! Do I need to get branded or something to make it official?”  
“Thatsh jusht for the gearsh, you’re one of ush now.”  
Now that it was over, Ofdensen stepped up. “If you’ll come with me, you can pick out your room. I also need to know what kind of guitar you want so I can order it for you.”  
Still grinning helplessly, Sy followed his new manager out of the studio.

****

The envelope was waiting on his bed when he walked in. Finally, Skwisgaar had his photos. It hurt so much to look through them, but he did it anyway, crying the whole time.  
Toki had been so uncomfortable there, it was almost funny looking back. If only he could go back.   
He wondered if he’d loved Toki. Never having experienced that, he didn’t know what it even looked like, felt like. But if he did, if he had....  
Then it sucked.   
No wonder people said love was a terrible thing, if this is what it did to you. How did anyone ever even manage to survive it, something that could tear a hole in your very soul?  
Did it ever get any better, any easier to bear?

They had a new guitarist now, and they were planning a long tour.   
He would teach this guy as much as he could, make him as good as he was possibly capable of being.  
He would play the tour.  
But after that, if things were no better...  
He would go find Toki. A knife would probably be the best way, blood just seemed appropriate. He would try to pretend everything was okay, keep everything inside. They didn’t understand anyway, they couldn’t.   
His decision was made.

They would all be hanging out with the new guy later. He couldn’t keep thinking of him as the new guy. Weird name... Silence? Sy, that was easier.  
Easier... Pickles probably had something to make things easier.  
Skwisgaar wasn’t all that knowledgeable about drugs. Sure, he’d sometimes take something that was offered to him, but never bothered asking what it was, and never bothered to learn the names of anything to even ask for.  
But Pickles knew lots, and had lots.   
He headed off to find him.

Pickles was in his room, looking for something in his closet.   
Not being the knocking type, Skwisgaar walked right in. “Hey Pickle?”  
Pickles jumped, banging his head on the shelf he was under and swearing. Backing out, he turned. “Dude, ya jest can’t walk in like thet, what if I’d been suckin’ my dick or sahmthin’?”  
“You’s not. I wants you to gives me someting.”  
This was unusual, Skwisgaar had never asked for anything before. “Eh, what do ya want? Do ya even know?”  
“Sometings dat feel likes... likes Toki?”  
Pickles shook his head sadly. “They don’t make a drug like thet, maybe ya better jest stick ta drinkin’?”  
Skwisgaar shrugged, and wandered out of the room.

Pickles said he should drink? Fine, he’d drink.   
Even though he knew they’d all be drinking later, that’s just what you did when you got a new band member, he was going to get a good head start.  
By the time they were all ready to leave, he was pretty drunk. Pickles was right, he did feel a lot better. Maybe that’s why Toki had-  
Don’t think about Toki.

They went out that night, taking the Murdercycle. They hadn’t used it since they’d lost Toki, the empty seat was more than any of them wanted to deal with. Well, the official excuse was that it would be unbalanced, but they all really knew better.  
It was so strange to see Silas sitting in Toki’s spot.  
But they’d get used to it. It would take time, but they’d all get used to it.  
It wasn’t a very long ride to the bar anyway.

They were having a great time, drinking and doing the get-to-know-you thing, when Skwisgaar spotted somebody across the bar. He ran over and grabbed the guy, spinning him around.   
Nathan and Pickles looked at each other and went to retrieve him.  
He was grasping at a very disturbed man in a very confused way. Pickles touched his arm. “Dude, it’s naught him. Cahm’on, let go.”  
Skwisgaar turned to Nathan for confirmation, and he nodded. “It’s not Toki.”  
It wasn’t, it really wasn’t, but he kept thinking he saw him everywhere. It never was. He’d read somewhere that this was what happens when you lose someone, you think you see then in every face.  
It was so true.

There was a lot of practicing, some with the whole band and a lot more with just Skwisgaar and Silas.   
Sy had his brand new Les Paul. The band seemed to favor Gibsons and he’d always really wanted one, so why not?  
Skwisgaar was trying to be a good teacher, but couldn’t forget how horrible he’d always been to Toki. He’d thought that was a good way to teach him at the time, but know he knew he’d been so wrong. Now, when it was way too late.  
Silas was patient, and although he knew something was a little strange he never asked him about it.

He did however, ask Pickles.   
The drummer just seemed the friendliest and most approachable of them all, so he was the natural choice. “Hey Pickles, can I ask you about something?”  
“Sure, what ya wanna know?”  
“It’s about Skwisgaar and Toki... was there something between them? He seems to strange about it, I was wondering if they were lovers or something.”  
Pickles started to wave it off, but reconsidered. “There was sahmthin’, but I’m naught rally sure what. Even though he usually sticks ta women I know Skwisgaar’s bi, but Toki was straight so I rally doubt they were havin’ sex or anythin’.” He decided not to mention the whole vampire thing.  
Silas nodded. “Okay, thanks.”

They practiced a lot.   
Everything was coming together nicely, and although it wasn’t quite the same, it was good.  
The biggest difference was the overall appearance. Toki and Skwisgaar had played together for so long that they moved almost as one on stage. Sy was of course different, so he didn’t quite mesh.  
Pickles thought this might be to his advantage because it made him stand out more, where Toki had always tended to get overlooked or seen as merely an extension of Skwisgaar. 

Murderface approached Silas one day. “I hate your name, I can’t schay it right. Can I call you shomething elshe?”  
“Aw, I don’t care if you fuck it up. But you can call me something different if you want to.”  
Murderface thought about it. “What wash your lasht name again?”  
“Warren.”  
“Warren. I can schay that, I’ll call you that.” He realized what it sounded like. “Schit, maybe not, it’s too close to Wartooth, Shwisgaar would probably get pisshed. I’ll jusht call you Hey You.”  
Silas laughed. “That’s fine too.”

**** 

There was the matter of the still unfinished new album. Nathan and Skwisgaar had two more songs they hadn’t written all the parts for, and there were still various tracks left to record on the others.  
Nathan turned to Skwisgaar and Pickles. “So uh, let’s go finish writing those last songs?”  
To his great surprise, Skwisgaar turned to Silas. “You comes, see if you can be writing you’s own parts. Yous too Murderfaces.”  
Murderface stared at him in shock. “You’re going to let me write my own bassh linesh?”  
“Ja. You ams always sayings dat you’s a songs writer, now ams yous chance. If you sucks too bads, I just fixes it for yous.”

“Hey, if we’re gonna let ‘em write an’ all, maybe Sy can redo the guitar tracks I recorded. He’s better.”  
“Wow Pickles, you can play guitar too?”  
“Dude. Snakes n Barrels?”  
That was really embarrassing. “Oh right, sorry.” He grinned at Pickles sheepishly.  
“Eh, it’s alreet, thet was mostly a long time ago. But rally, ya should redo my tracks.”  
But why had Pickles been doing guitar tracks at all? “Why didn’t Skwisgaar just do them?”  
“He was s’posed ta, but he jest wouldn’t do it. Knubbler was gettin’ pissed, so I did it fer ‘em.”

Nathan was still processing all this. “What the hell, Skwisgaar? I mean, you never offered to let Murderface write before. And you never let Toki write either. Or let him have a solo.”  
Skwisgaar shrugged. “I probably shoulds has, but I can’ts be changing dat nows.”  
Sy looked at him hopefully. “Can _I_ have a solo?”  
“I will tinks abouts it.”  
Murderface looked at him strangely, but didn’t dare say anything that might make him change his mind. He was finally getting his creative voice, and it was about damn time.

And so Murderface and Silas found themselves in the studio together a lot, working on their parts. Skwisgaar had made a recording for them, and they played it repeatedly as they wrote.  
It was clear that Sy had some experience with writing, but Murderface hadn’t written anything but his cock slap parts in years. Well, and Planet Piss, which he hadn’t really written anything for. Maybe when he got used to writing, he’d actually be able to get some of his songs down.  
It was a lot of work, but they were both coming along well.

****

Skwisgaar was having problems.   
He kept thinking he saw Toki everywhere, every time he actually left the Haus. He’d quit stopping them anymore, but he still saw them.  
Pickles, who had been with him one time, had agreed that one in particular had actually looked quite a bit like Toki, but of course it hadn’t been.  
He’d upped his drinking, and was getting comfortable with it. It made everything less important, so he’d found himself drinking earlier and earlier. Sometimes he’d just put it in a cup to disguise what it really was, to keep them from knowing.  
Like Toki had.  
Shit.

Murderface had been wondering something. “Scho do you know any cool tricksh or anything?”  
Sy shrugged. “It’s not really a trick, but I used to do some martial arts. I’m not very good though.”  
That still sounded cool. “Can you like, do that thing? You know, where they throw people and shit?”  
“Yeah I can do that. You wanna see?”  
Nathan wasn’t sure, but Pickles was. “Dude, throw me!”  
Ofdensen conveniently happened to be passing through, and overheard. “Guys, if you’re going to do that, go down to the gym. At least it’s padded.”

And so they all did. Sadly, they had to give up and ask a passing gear for directions, but they eventually found it. The floor was indeed mostly covered by some sort of athletic pad.  
Sy picked a nice spot in the middle, and motioned to Pickles who was clearly impatient. Pickles ran at him.   
Then he was in the air, landing a short distance away. He got up grinning. “Thet was cool! Bet ya can’t throw Nathan!”  
Taking that as his cue, Nathan charged.   
And hit the floor with a thud and an oof. “Ow. Yeah, that’s... cool?”

“I’m gonna git ya!” Pickles came back for more, and was thrown again.   
Murderface was scowling at them. He would never admit that he wanted to try it, and would say no when they asked him to. Nobody asked him to.  
Skwisgaar wanted nothing to do with it at all, being thrown around was not his idea of a fun thing to do. It was kind of funny to watch, but he wasn’t going to do it. Besides, he was already somewhat drunk and would probably just puke or something if he tried.  
Pickles, after being thrown for the third time, muttered, “Gawd, Toki would’ve loved this guy.”  
Deciding they’d had enough, they left to find their way back to more familiar areas.

Silas had become one of them easier than any of them would have thought. It helped that they were practicing so much. Skwisgaar, although oddly patient with him was still a bit aloof, but the others accepted him completely.  
He’d even been on the Dethklok Minute several times.  
He wasn’t Toki, but he wasn’t even trying to be Toki. He was Silas, and now he was Dethklok.

****

In a secret meeting far away, a man with long grey hair was listening to a man with a long and nearly unpronounceable name give a report.  
“...is likely to tour soon. While we feel that the loss of Wartooth should have neutralized their power, it’s certainly not obvious. Either these prophesies you keep alluding to are wrong, or this Warren has somehow taken his place in every way. I recommended we make out move now, before they can grow even stronger.”  
“We will allow Dethklok to go on tour. We will wait.”

****

Ofdensen had been tracking their progress, and things were looking good. The album had been finished and released, and of course was selling at a truly ridiculous rate. Now the fans wanted a tour, and it had been a while, so he called a band meeting to discuss it. “You haven’t done a world tour in a good while, do you feel that you all can handle it? How about nine stops?”  
Silas looked excited. “I think I’m ready.”  
Nobody disagreed with him, but they weren’t thrilled touring, as usual.   
Taking the lack of objection as an affirmative, he nodded. “Very well, I’ll get it set up then.”

It didn’t take long to work out all the details, and soon they were traveling.   
Their newest member’s excitement was contagious to all but Skwisgaar, making them feel like touring was actually a good thing. For a change.  
This would be the first time ever since they had formed that Dethklok would play with someone else, someone new.   
All too soon it seemed, they were getting ready for the first show.

Helping each other a little as usual, they got ready.  
Sy was very amused by his corpse paint, and it looked good on him. That red streak in his hair looked like blood streaming against the black and white.  
Skwisgaar seemed pretty wasted, but he was Skwisgaar, he’d be fine.  
The changed lineup had tensions high, there could be trouble, so there was more security than usual on stage with them. On the sides, hidden and being invisible, but on stage all the same.  
But despite all their worries, everything was going well. 

Pickles was watching them play. After all, this was Sy’s first time on stage with them, but he seemed to be handling it just fine. Skwisgaar was ignoring him completely, and his playing seemed just a little... different. Pickles shrugged it off, with a new guitarist of course things were going to sound a little different.  
Then, in the last song, He saw something he’d never in a million years expected to see. He didn’t have time to think about it though, they had to finish the song.  
And then the stage erupted in chaos.

As the song ended, fans suddenly surged forward, many actually climbing on to the stage. The security team intercepted them, and the fighting was fierce. But there were just too many of them, and the hoods were starting to lose the fight.  
This had never happened before.  
They watched in surprise as the head security chief was pulled down, already dead. As their personnel continued to fall, the band was hurried off stage to safety.

There was no after party, so Nathan was just going to go to his room, but Pickles stopped him. “Nat’an, ya gatta tawlk ta Skwisgaar, he _might_ listen ta ya.”  
“About what?”  
“Ya didn’t hear thet, in tha last song?”  
“Uh, I heard Sy mess up, but-“  
Pickles cut him off. “Thet wasn’t Sy, thet was _Skwisgaar_. Sy covered for him tha best he could.”  
Impossible. “Skwisgaar never makes a mistake.”  
“Dude, I wouldn’t believe it either, but I’m raight behind ‘em an’ I saw it. But if ya thought it was Sy, everybody else prab’ly did too. An’ then everythin’ went all ta hell...” 

Nathan wasn’t really good at this sort of thing, but felt he needed to at least make an effort. He found Skwisgaar in his room, already drinking again. “Hey. You need to like, drink less. Before we play. You fucked up out there.”  
Skwisgaar waved at him dismissively. “Pfft, I knows. You ams not needing to reminds me.”  
“I’m fucking serious.”  
“Fines Nathans, I will drinks less befores de show, now goes away and leaves me alones.”  
“Just like, don’t do it again?” Deciding that he should probably let the manager handle this, he headed for his office.

Ofdensen looked up at the knock. The door was open, but sometimes Nathan could be very polite. “Yes Nathan?”  
“I’m uh, worried about Skwisgaar?”  
“I’m aware that he’s still having trouble coping, is that what you mean?”  
“What if he’s like... We can’t lose him!”  
“I see. Well I’d like to think that I’m familiar with the way he thinks. He agreed to touring, so if he is planning to try anything, it won’t be until after the last show. I intend to put him under guard then, but I feel we’re safe for now.”  
“Oh. Well, as long as, you know, you got it?”

The second show went smoother.  
Although they all knew he was drinking, Skwisgaar at least wasn’t noticeably drunk when they went on stage. He played flawlessly, and Pickles couldn’t quite put his finger on what was different. It was almost kind of _flat_ , but his guitar was tuned to perfection. What was it?  
When they were finished, there was another incident with people rushing onto the stage, but the remaining security personnel successfully held them back.  
Barely, but successfully none the less.

The morning after, well actually it was late afternoon, Silas staggered out to join them. “Man, if I even think it’s a good idea to bring three chicks back with me after a show again, somebody stop me.”  
Pickles found that really funny. “We’ve all been there. Naught worth it, is it?”  
“Yes!” That was the kind of thinking that caused this problem in the first place. “No, not really. I though they were going to kill me before they were all satisfied. I see now why none of you brought one.”  
“Yep. Rest up an’ git one in tha mornin’ if ya want, thet’s how we do it.”  
“I’ll remember that. If we had to play tonight... man, I don’t know if I could.”   
“Don’t worry ‘bout it dude, like I said, we’ve all been there.”

Skwisgaar had come to a decision, and as they traveled to the next stop, he’d decided that it was time. “Sys, comes wit me.” Skwisgaar waved for him to follow.  
Having no idea what was going on, Silas did so. They ended up in the mini-studio, and Skwisgaar grabbed his guitar.  
“Pays attention, I rewrites dis so you cans be playings it.” He noticed the surprised expression. “Ja, you can has a solos. Now listens.” He played it.

Back and forth they went, until Silas could play it to Skwisgaar’s satisfaction.   
“Dat one ams yours, okays? You can steps up wit Nat’ans and makes de crowds goes crazy.”  
Sy would have hugged Skwisgaar if he’d been the hugging type, and if he’d thought that the other man would even accept it. His own solo, that was a huge honor. He couldn’t stop smiling, not that he was even trying to.  
To his surprise, Skwisgaar smiled back. “If you likes dat, maybe I will be givings you mores.”


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ofdensen hires some help, and Skwisgaar keeps heading downhill  
> Good pic I did of [Alex](http://fc08.deviantart.net/fs70/i/2012/198/2/e/alex_by_zsomeone-d57mhnf.jpg) later on, in case anyone wants to look

_And you cant fight the tears that ain't coming,_  
_Or the moment of the truth in your lies._  
_When everything feels like the movies,_  
_Yeah you bleed just to know you're alive._

_And I don't want the world to see me,_  
_'Cause I don't think that they'd understand._  
_When everything's made to be broken,_  
_I just want you to know who I am._  
-Goo Goo Dolls “Iris” 

 

They had lost too many security personnel, so Ofdensen himself was on stage for the third show, playing invisible like the others but ready.  
He’d been told they had something special planned but not what it would be, so it was best to be prepared for anything.  
They’d saved it for the last song, not knowing what kind or reaction they would get.  
When at last it came time for the solo, Skwisgaar stepped back and Sy stepped up and played it.  
The crowd went crazy, this was completely unheard of. Skwisgaar was the fastest and the best, and he _never_ gave up a solo.  
They surged forward, trying to climb onto the stage.

Security successfully held the crowd back, but as the song ended they surged again, this time bringing down several of the gears blocking their way.  
Ofdensen quickly moved to intercept them, he had to protect the band. The remaining security retreated to his side, and they formed the best wall that they could.  
It wasn’t good enough, there just weren’t enough of them left. 

And they were losing.  
There were too many, some were going to get past him. And the band was still on stage.  
Ofdensen waved the gears back. “Get them off stage, make sure they’re safe! I’ll hold them back as long as I can!”  
They charged him, sensing a weak point, there were just too many.  
Suddenly this other guy was there, fighting beside him. Whoever he was, his help was welcome and very needed, and he fought well.

It was over, everyone was safe.  
Ofdensen turned to the stranger. He looked pretty young, just some kid in a hoodie and worn out jeans. He’d been very efficient though, and talent like that was hard to come by. “Thank you for your help. Would you like a job? You’re quite good, and as you can see, we’re a little short on security.”  
The guy looked very uncertain. “You would _give_ me a job?”  
“Tell me, would you die for Dethklok?”  
“Yes.”  
“Alright then. Don’t go anywhere, I have some questions for you.”

After making everyone was safe, Ofdensen returned. He half expected the kid to be gone, but he was still there waiting.  
They went to one of the backstage rooms, and in the better lighting he could see just how young this guy really was. He had strange eyes, an unusual light grey-green color. “What’s your name, and how old are you?”  
“Alex. And I’m a lot _older_ than I _look_.”  
Which meant that he was (hopefully) over eighteen. His speech was a little odd, he must have an impediment or possibly mild Tourette’s. There were strange pauses and randomly stressed words, as if he were forcing them out. He seemed intelligent enough though, in spite of that. “What’s your last name?”  
“I don’t have one _anymore_.”

He vaguely remembered seeing this kid in the crowd, with an older man. “Is that man you were with your father?”  
“No, _just_ my date.”  
Great, was the kid a hooker or something? “Are you willing to get rid of him?”  
Alex shrugged. “Yes. He means _nothing_ to me.”  
Very well. You’ll work with me, as stage security. And although we can’t make it official until after the tour, I’d like you to wear a Klokateer uniform. We’ll brand you as soon as we get home.” This was a high offer, it was rare that anyone made it into the elite ranks of the Klokateers without going through the usual channels.

Alex just shook his head. “No.”  
“What do you mean, no?”  
“I won’t _wear_ it, and I won’t be branded. No.”  
That was just unheard of, of course he would do it. “We’ll discuss that later. In the meantime, you may room with our staff.”  
A waiting Klokateer bid him to follow, and he left to see his new temporary home.  
Ofdensen had watched where the kid had put his hands, and carefully lifted a excellent set of finger prints. He’d run them and make sure he wasn’t wanted anywhere.

Later, there was a quick band meeting to inform them of the change. “You all probably noticed the kid in the maroon hoodie that joined out fight on stage earlier. His name is Alex and I’ve hired him to help me keep you all safe.” No reaction at all. “Well, I’m just letting you know because you’ll see him around.”  
Murderface had a question, the kind of thing only he would even think to ask. “Ish he gay? Schould we watch our asshes?”  
“Well his date was an older man, so yes, I’m assuming he’s probably gay. But I wouldn’t worry too much about that.”

“Uh, if he’s a gear, why does he have a name? Instead of a number?”  
“He’s not an official Klokateer yet, but I plan to have him branded as soon as we get home. He’ll get his number then.”  
“So he ams jus goings to be walkings around withouts de uniform until den?”  
“Yes Skwisgaar. Anybody else?”  
Pickles snickered. “Can we adopt ‘em like we did tha fat kid?”  
“No you may not, that was a disaster. And I sincerely hope he’s too old for that anyway.”  
No one had anything more to ask, so the meeting was over.

The fourth show went smoothly, for a change. Or as smoothly as their shows ever did. Sure a lot of people died, but it seemed that you just couldn’t have a Dethklok concert without death.  
Silas got to play his solo again, and was hoping to get another soon. When he’d asked, Skwisgaar had told him that he’d think about it. Which, from what he’d learned of the man so far, meant yes.  
The fans were still a problem, but Ofdensen and Alex made a great team and held them off without too much trouble, with some help form the remaining hoods of course.

In transit again, Skwisgaar and Sy were in the studio practicing when Alex stuck his head in the door. Since he was security, they had all quickly gotten used to him checking up on them.  
Sy was trying to learn the new solo that had been rewritten for him, he almost had it down. Alex paused to listen.  
Finishing again, feeling that he’d done well, Sy looked up and saw him watching. “Hey man, you wanna play with us? This guy is too awesome, you could me feel better about my playing.”  
Skwisgaar was feeling generous today, and nodded. “I gives you a lessons, if you wants.”  
Alex just shook his head. “I _don’t_ play.”

The next show went well, aside for the usual carnage.  
Silas got to play his two solos, and the crowd seemed to really warming up to him now. There were a sprinkling of people with red-streaked hair scattered throughout the crowd, his new fans.  
Skwisgaar was still keeping with going on stage in a reasonably sober state, and had made no more mistakes. It should have bothered him more that he’s slipped up like that, but he just couldn’t seem to really care. But for the others, he’d be more careful. Besides, he didn’t want them to be suspicious, they were over halfway done with the tour now.

They had an ice cream party afterwards, the hoods dishing it out for them to make horrible alcoholic concoctions with.  
Pickles had whiskey and strawberry sauce on his, with sprinkles. He was mixing the whole mess together into a hideous mass.  
Sy put normal things on his ice cream, and drank his alcohol on the side, and Skwisgaar had alcohol only since the ice cream wasn’t soy.  
Murderface tossed in assorted things, then poured alcohol over it all and set the whole thing on fire.  
Nathan disgusted them all by pouring Explosion Sauce and beer on his. And then ate it.  
Alex ate his plain, but so much of it that the hood serving it commented, “That kid’s gonna eat all my ice cream, he _really_ likes ice cream.”  
Since it wasn’t dignified, Ofdensen simply refused to eat ice cream in public.

****

Ofdensen had been thinking a lot about Alex. He was young, but he handled himself very well. It would be good to have an assistant, someone young and strong that could take over some of his duties. He’d decided to make the offer. “How would you like to be my assistant, instead of just a regular Klokateer?”  
“How is that _different_?”  
“Well, you wouldn’t be required to wear the official uniform, although I’d rather you dress a little better than you do now. And although you’re still required to wear the brand, you can pick where to put it.”  
“Do you _have_ one?”  
“Yes I do, on my lower back. It’s a symbol of loyalty that we insist on, I could hardly be exempt.”

“No. I _won’t_ do it.”  
Ofdensen sighed. “I don’t think you understand what’s at stake here. It’s highly irregular to have someone such as yourself here without all these things already in place. You’ve been with us too long, I can’t allow you to simply walk away. Please sign the papers, join us.”  
“You do what you _have_ to, but I _can’t_ do that.”  
“I need your help, so I will allow you to remain with us until we return to Mordland. You have until then to change your mind.”  
The unspoken ‘or else’ was huge, lingering in the air. “Or _else_ what?”  
“I think you know.”

Another country, another show. Another bunch of dead fans, just the usual.  
Sy was still loving the hell out of his first big tour, but everybody else was ready to be done and go home. They’d done this for so long that they just didn’t care anymore, couldn’t even be bothered to know what country they were in. If Nathan bothered to address the audience at all, it tended to be something along the lines of “We hate you, go die.”  
They’d gotten some more security hoods sent over on a plane, so Ofdensen was no longer needed on stage. He’d made Alex the temporary head of security, just for the rest of this tour.  
One more show over, one more show closer to home.

It was a drinking night. Yes, every night tended to involve drinking at some point, but when they all decided to drink together, it was called a drinking night.  
They’d made a good start when Nathan happened to notice Alex passing through the room. Although they tended to not really see the Klokateers, anyone unhooded was a potential drinking buddy. “Hey! Come drink with us.”  
Alex shook his head. “ _I’m_ supposed to be-“  
“Dude. You werk fer us, and we’re _ordering'_ ya ta cahm an’ drink with us. So ya have ta.”  
Well when he put it that way... Alex walked over to join them.

Pickles grinned and handed him a bottle of vodka. “Here ya go, I hope yer naught a lightweight. There’s no way in hell yer old ‘nuff to drink, but we don’t care.”  
He shook his head with a smile, and drank.  
Nathan elbowed him in the side. “We like, don’t care if you talk funny. We won’t make fun of you or anything. So, you know, don’t worry about that.”  
“You all _think_ I _talk_ funny?”  
“Yesh, but scho do I. It’sh cool.”

And so they drank.  
Pickles and Skwisgaar seemed to be trying to drink each other under the table, but the others were keeping it to a more reasonable level. So far it looked pretty even, Pickles had a legendary tolerance but Skwisgaar was bigger and had been putting in a lot of practice.  
Silas flipped a beer cap off his thumb, and managed to land it on Skwisgaar’s head. He didn’t seem to notice, so they all gathered up caps and tried it too.  
Nathan and Murderface kept missing, but Sy landed another on the still oblivious Skwisgaar, and Alex got one on Pickles. Pickles brushed it away and looked at the ceiling accusingly, very wasted and wondering just what the hell was going on.  
Nathan grinned. “You’re cooler than the robot. Maybe you won’t like, turn into one.”  
Alex just laughed.

Another show.  
They were tired of this tour. Of being randomly dragged around the world and expected to preform like monkeys. No matter how they insulted their fans, no matter how many died horrible deaths, every show was packed to bone crushing capacity.  
It was brutal, but it was also a pain in the ass.  
With every day that passed, drinking games and drinking nights seemed to steadily increase.  
How else were they supposed to got through it?

Pickles and Silas were playing a drinking game to the manager’s box set of Planet Earth that they’d found. Every time something got eaten, they drank.  
And the more they drank the weirder the show got, since it was narrated by, as Pickles had put it, “thet Alien lady.”  
They were already very drunk, and drunk Pickles was often overly friendly Pickles. After no one else would join their game, he finally spotted Alex and called him over.  
And unhooded employee was cool, it was like having a friend that you could order around.

“Aleeeex! Ya gatta drink with us, dude!”  
“Yeah, join us. We’re watching the alien lady eat seals. Or something. Man, I don’t know anymore.” Sy couldn’t match Pickles’s tolerance, but very few could.  
With a shrug, Alex joined them, and Pickles immediately insisted he drink several shots, just to even things up. Even though this wasn’t the sort of game that had winners, only survivors.  
More things got eaten, and they drank more.  
Silas started making up his own narration, which might have been funny if he wasn’t already beyond the point of being able to make sense. After a few more deaths, he simply passed out.

Pickles sighed. “Well kid, you an’ me. Let’s see if we can make it through the next disc.”  
Alex shook his head. “I _can’t_ stay. I _have_ a date.”  
That was weird, they were already doing the preflight checks. “Ya know we leave in like an hour, raight? Don’t wanna lose ya.”  
“I _don’t_ need much time.”  
Pickles poured them both some more, nodding wisely. “Sahmtimes it’s better thet way, no bullshit. Hey, ya still okie to be walkin’ ‘round?”  
“ _I’m_ good.” Handing Pickles back his glass, Alex left.  
It was no fun playing alone, so Pickles turned off the tv.

For some reason, they seemed to be headed to the other side of the world.  
Not from where they were now, but from where they started, from Mordland. That seemed kind of stupid, it would take days to get home when they were finished.  
That had indeed been Ofdensen’s intent when he’d planned this tour. Several days of traveling to let them all calm down and get back to normal before turning them loose again.  
The eighth show passed without anything going extraordinarily wrong, and now they were only one show away from done.

****

This was the last stop, and then they could wait at least another year before being expected to tour again.  
Surprisingly, Skwisgaar actually seemed to be sober, or close enough to count. They couldn’t even remember the last time they’d seen him not drinking.  
Sy was still allowed the two solos he’d worked so hard to learn, and played them well. Skwisgaar though, _this_ was the Skwisgaar they all remembered, his playing once again full of passion. Not the efficient but subdued guitar playing machine he’d been for so long now.  
It was their best show of the whole tour.

Afterwards they hung out together while the crew got everything put away and prepared for takeoff.  
Skwisgaar was drinking again, but not heavily. He pointed his beer at Silas. “Sys, you ams goods now. Nots as goods as me, but you ams goods. I bets you will be de fastest somedays.”  
“Thanks Skwisgaar, you’re a good teacher. This whole thing is so fucking awesome, I love touring!”  
“Well uh, don’t get too excited. Because we hate it. Yeah. We do it as little as we can get away with. Somebody give me another beer.”  
Murderface passed him one.  
It was the perfect ending, all being together like this.

As soon as they lifted off, Skwisgaar headed straight for his room. The tour was over, he still felt the same, it was time.  
To his great disappointment, his room wasn’t empty. Alex was sitting in a chair, facing his window. “Whys am you in mine room?”  
“Boss _told_ me to _stay_ here tonight.” He didn’t even turn to face him.  
Great, the manager must have suspicions if he’d sent a baby sitter. No matter, it changed nothing.  
He sat on his bed, staring at Toki’s guitar. He wanted to get out the photos again, but not now, now when he wasn’t alone.  
It would have to be okay.

“I has some advice for yous. Goes somewheres else, gets out, goes away. Dey ams goings to blames you, and dey will kills you if you stays.” They were already in the air, where could he go? He knew wasn’t making a lot of sense, but he really didn’t care.  
Alex still wouldn’t turn. “ _Blame_ me for what?”  
He didn’t bother to answer. Skwisgaar didn’t realize that Alex was using his window to watch him, studying his reflection. He pulled out the straight razor he’d stolen from Murderface’s collection of old crap. He hadn’t even missed it yet, if he even remembered that he owned it in the first place. The blade was too small to hold his interest, but the edge was very fine.  
A quick glance showed Alex still looking away.  
He took a deep breath and brought the razor to his throat.

He went down hard, the razor knocked from his hand as he was suddenly pinned to his bed.  
Fuck, Alex had been paying attention after all, and he was really quick.  
Releasing his arms so he could lift his weight off Skwisgaar, Alex looked down at him. “No.”  
In the dim light of the room, in the shadow of the hood, those strange light eyes could almost be blue. In the shadows, his hair looked darker. In fact...  
Skwisgaar stared up at him in confusion. “ _Toki_?”  
He shook his head. “Alex.”  
Skwisgaar’s mind had decided he was seeing Toki, and now that was all he could see. He pushed back the hood, pulling long brown hair free.

He was probably going crazy. Well there was one way to prove it, to know for sure.  
Skwisgaar pulled himself up, sliding his hands under the hoodie and kissing the man, tongue searching for those special teeth. He was kissed back quite willingly.  
They weren’t there, there were no fangs. Why was every cell of his body screaming that this was Toki, when he knew it wasn’t possible?  
Toki couldn’t kiss, and Alex was gay. Besides, the smooth back under his hands was unmarked, there were no scars.  
Looking again, he still saw Toki.  
He was losing his mind.


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mostly just Skwisgaar/ Alex in this chapter, sorry, but then we’ll catch up on everyone else.

_Hazing clouds rain on my head,_   
_Empty thoughts fill my ears._   
_Find my shade by the moonlight,_   
_Why my thoughts aren't so clear._

_Demons dreaming,_  
 _Breathe in, breathe in..._  
 _I'm coming back again..._  
-Godsmack “Voodoo” 

 

Skwisgaar lay curled up on his bed, crying.  
Alex had pulled his hood back up, but had kicked off his shoes and was sitting cross legged on the bed beside him, once again not actually looking at him. After a while, he finally spoke. “What do you see _when_ you _look_ at me?”  
“I knows what you looks like, mine brains ams jus sick. I can’ts be livings like dis anymores. And you can’ts watches me all de times!”  
“No I _can’t_. But _why_ do you _want_ to do that?”  
“It ams de only way outs.”

“Skwisgaar. _Look_ at me. _Tell_ me what you see.”  
Skwisgaar looked up. Shit, he was still seeing Toki. He shook his head sadly and tried to turn back away, but Toki- Alex- whoever he was- wouldn’t let him. “ _Tell_ me.”  
“Fines! I see Toki, but he ams _dead_! I misses him so much I has gone crazy! I can’ts be taking dis shit no mores.”  
“I’m _sorry_. I _thought_... “ He shook his head, took a deep breath and started over. “I thoughts you wouldn’t sees me. Nobody else sees me anymore, don’ts know why. Fucks.”  
Skwisgaar stared at him. Great, now he was _hearing_ things too, he even sounded like Toki.

“Skwisgaar, yous not crazy.”  
Frowning, beginning to wonder if this whole thing was just a hallucination of his twisted mind, Skwisgaar tugged at the sleeve of the hoodie. “Takes dis off?”  
“I gots nothing under it.”  
“I don’ts cares, jus does it.”  
He did, pulling it off and draping it on the bed beside him.   
Having decided to go with the illusion while it lasted, Skwisgaar pulled him down to lay with him. Even if it was just for a moment, he could have Toki back.   
Besides, Alex was gay, he wouldn’t mind.

“I ams going to pretends you really ams Toki, okays?”  
“Okays,” ‘Toki’ said, and kissed him on the forehead. “What’s you wants to do?”  
Instead of answering, Skwisgaar kissed him again, holding him close. It lacked the sheer overwhelming intensity of Toki’s tongue biting kisses, but was closer than anything he’d experienced ever since.  
They kissed for a long while, the illusion was so perfect he could even feel Toki’s facial hair against him, and he knew that Alex had none.  
How long would this last?

“When you ams a reals official hoods guy, brands an alls, maybe you will still comes sees me sometimes?”  
“I’s not going to be a real hoods guy. And I’s not gettings branded.”  
Skwisgaar wasn’t worried, _of course_ he was going to be branded, and stay with them forever. He didn’t want to think about that anymore though, because he was still seeing Toki. How much longer? He would have Alex assigned to him when they got home, and make him stay here every night. Or as long as he looked like Toki, at least.  
Wrapping his arms around the other man, clinging to his vision, Skwisgaar fell asleep.

When he woke up, Toki- _Alex_ was gone.  
And, despite all his plans, he was still alive. And hungry.  
As he went to find something to eat, he wondered just how all that had even happened. Instead of killing himself as planned, he’d spent the night kissing the robot’s assistant. Even though he was clearly crazy enough to think the guy looked like Toki, this was still pretty strange.  
How could something simultaneously feel both right and wrong?  
All he was really sure of was that he wanted to spend more time with Alex.   
Alone.

Skwisgaar couldn’t find Alex that day, and didn’t want to ask the manager. But that night he was back, waiting in his room when he returned.  
Skipping preliminaries, Skwisgaar had been wondering about something all day. “Hows come dat sometimes you sounds like Toki and sometimes you talks... normals?”  
“I can _talk_ without an accent if I really _try_ , but it’s not easy. Besides, I’s lazy. You don’ts mind, does you?”  
Skwisgaar shook his head. “I likes it, it makes it more easies to be pretendings dat you’s really Toki.”  
Alex sighed. “You goings to try anything stupids tonight, or wills you behave?”  
“I behaves if you kisses me some mores...”

****

Skwisgaar was thinking. Alex kissed him back willingly enough, but had made no moves otherwise. That was a little weird, but he realized he really didn’t want to have sex with him after all. That would almost certainly destroy the illusion, because he knew that Toki wouldn’t have done it if he’d ever tried.  
It wasn’t really all that sexual anyway, he was more like a drowning sailor clinging to anything he could hold rather than his seductive old self.  
Alex was an island, a place to stop and rest, a place to feel safe for a short while.  
It would never last.

They were sitting on Skwisgaar’s bed again, as had become their habit.   
The more he did this, the harder it was going to be to leave. “I can’ts stay with you.”  
“So how muches longer will you?”  
“Until you gets home, then I has to go. I has to keep movings, can’ts stay in one place.”  
“Gives me one good reasons.”  
That was an easy one. “I can’ts let the bodies piles up in any one place.”  
Skwisgaar stared at him, not believing it. “Yous what den, de cereal killers?”  
“Yes.” No point in hiding it.  
“Ja? How manies?”  
Alex shrugged. “I never keeps count. One hundreds, two hundreds... it doesn’ts matter.”

“Alex?”  
“Why’s you still callings me that?”  
“Because I ams de crazy, and you ams nots really Toki. I ams still sanes enough to knows dat much, just barelys.”  
He sighed. “Skwisgaar...” Why was he even trying? “Fuck it, calls me whatever you wants.”  
Skwisgaar got up and started pacing. “I has de proofs dat you ams not really Toki. You kisses me. Toki can’ts do de kissings. I knows, I tries it. You can’ts be explaining dat one, cans you? And Toki has scars, you don’ts.”  
Alex stretched out on the bed. It was probably better this way. They would be home in two days, and then he had to leave. 

Skwisgaar was still pacing. “You’s not going to even tries to answer dat? Comes on Alex, says sometings. Makes it up.”  
He rolled to his side, propping himself up on one elbow. “Fines. I practices, okays? I learns how to kiss. And the scars...” he shrugged, “they heals, I guess. Don’ts really know.”  
“And whats about de special teeths? If you ams really Toki, shows me de teeths. I kisses you, I knows dat dey ams not dere.”  
As he paced back in easy range, Alex grabbed his wrist and pulled him down beside him. “Even if I proves it to you, I still has to leave.”

“I still probablies kill myselfs later anyways, go finds Toki.”  
That stung. “ _No_.” There was only one thing he could think of that might change his mind. It was probably a really bad idea too. “Gives me your finger.”  
Skwisgaar was suddenly very protective of his hands. “Whys?”  
Of all the times to be stubborn... “Just gives me your finger before I changes my fuckings mind.”  
With an unreadable expression he held one out, and Toki bit him.  
As the blood began to flow, there was no mistaking that feeling. It was everything he’d remembered and everything he’d though was lost forever.   
It was Toki.

“That’s enough. I’s too used to killing to plays these games anymore.”  
Skwisgaar groaned in disappointment but didn’t argue, snuggling against him. “So you ams really killings people? How oftens?”  
Toki held him, enjoying the closeness. “There was more in the beginnings, but abouts every three days now, is average. If I gets a fat one I can makes it a week, especially if I can gets milk too.”  
“But... you ams de gays now?”  
Toki laughed. “Noes, I just don’ts like killings goils. They’s just food, do you cares if your steak was a boy cow or a goil cow? But it still bothers me, don’ts know whys.”

“Pfft, I ams not caring what de cow was, but I ams not goings on dates wit it first eithers. You was kissings dem?”  
Toki shrugged. “I needed the practices. And I was goings to kills them anyways, so if I messes up and kills them early, no big deals. I gots real goods control of my teeth nows though.”  
“Buts you has de sexes wit dem?”  
“Noes. I lets dem think I woulds, but I nevers did.”  
“You kisses me.”  
“That’s differents. You _knows_ me. You’s the only person left who does.”

There was one part he hadn’t figured out yet. “Why’s you looks differents? To everybodies else?”  
“I don’ts know. I knows what Alex looks like because people has told me, but when I looks in the mirror, I just sees me. You’s the only one who can sees through it, I wonder whys?”  
Skwisgaar had a theory, but he wasn’t ready to share it. “Hows you finds out?”  
“When I first leaves, I hopes nobody would recognizes me. But it seemed likes nobody did, so I stops hidings. This goil in a bar says somethings, so I asks her to tells me what I looks like. She probably thinks I’s crazy, but she tells me. And then later, there was this artist guy who wanteds to draws me. I lets him before I kills him, and he dids a real goods job. So I knows what they sees.”  
“Why Alex?”  
“Lots of reasons. Mostlies it just seemed like a goods name.”

“Ams you goings to stay here all nights with me?” He tightened his arms, as if he could actually hold him there.  
Toki squeezed him back. “If you wants me to, I stays. Until we gets home.”  
After a while, Skwisgaar thought of something. They had left after the last show, and had been traveling three days already. And they were still two days from home. “How’s you eat nows, when we ams on the copter?”  
“I’m not, but I’s okays. He was fats, I can makes it.”

“You knows... if you ams wantings...”  
He shut up as Toki laid a finger across his lips. “Noes. You’s not food.” He kissed him on the forehead. “Don’ts worry, I’s not goings to hurt you.”  
“I knows dat.”   
“It was differents back then. If I’d stayed, I woulds have killeds you, I wouldn’ts have been ables to stops myself.”  
“Buts you won’t nows...”  
“Noes. But nows it’s too lates.”

“One more nights and den we ams home. You’s really goings to be leavings?”  
Toki nodded. “I don’ts have a choice.”  
“Takes me wit yous?”  
“That’s impossible. You belongs here and I don’ts, not amymores.”  
There was really nothing else to say, so they just lay together. After a while, Skwisgaar picked up his guitar, he needed it.

****

Ofdensen found the others watching tv. “Have you guys seen Skwisgaar?”  
“Nah dude, naught lately. He’s been spendin’ all his time with Alex since we left tha last show.”  
“Uh, yeah. Maybe he’s like, finally getting over Toki? But for a gear? Is that bad?”  
Regretting assigning the kid guard duty that night, the manager nodded. “Alex is not a Klokateer, and so far refuses to become one. He also told me that he’s leaving as soon as we get home.”  
“Poor Shwisgaar, twice in a row. You schould jusht lock him up.”  
“I hope that won’t become necessary.” He left them, heading to Skwisgaar’s room.

Just to be safe, he knocked first.  
Alex, shirtless, was sitting on the bed while Skwisgaar lay with his head in his lap, playing his guitar. It was strange to see the kid without the hoodie, his hair was longer than Ofdensen had expected it to be. They looked cosy, too cosy. “Alex, I didn’t mean you had to stay with him, I’d be happy to assign you somewhere else.”  
Skwisgaar sat up, putting his guitar aside wrapping his arms around Alex. “Noes, he doesn’t has to be listening to yous! Goes away!”  
“Skwisgaar, I’m his boss.”  
“Noes you ams not!”

Choosing to ignore Skwisgaar for the moment, he continued. “Alex, I still want you to stay with us. We can arrange a private branding if you prefer.”  
“No.”  
Ofdensen sighed. “Well, please at least think about it. Skwisgaar, try to talk him into it, would you? I can see you’re fond of him.” He left the room.  
“Toki? Coulds dey even brands you? I don’t wants dem to, I ams just askings.”  
“Noes, it wouldn’ts take, I heals really fasts now. Buts... _I was Dethklok_ , I can’ts be just a hoods guy nows, or the manager’s assistant.”  
“You ams still Dethklok.”  
“Noes, I’s nobody anymores.”

Skwisgaar wasn’t above making threats. “I will tells dem. I will tells dem all and dey will makes you stays.”  
“They’d never believes you. Even you didn’t believe me, and you can see me. They can’ts.”  
“Den plays for dem. Plays mine parts, nobody else can does dat. Dat’s proofs.”  
“Skwisgaar, I hasn’ts played in a year. I don’ts thinks I can even does them anymore.”  
He couldn’t imagine Toki not playing. “Tries. Plays for me? I wants to hear, even if you ams no goods anymore. I don’ts care.”  
Toki shook his head. “Noes. I don’t play anymores.”

****

They were landing, they were home.   
Ofdensen came into Skwisgaar’s room. “Well Alex, last chance. Are you sure you won’t sign the papers and be branded?”  
“No.”  
“Well then, it’s out of my hands. I assume we understand each other?”  
Alex nodded, and the manager left.  
Skwisgaar poked him in the side. “What ams he meanings by dat?”  
“That he’s goings to set the snipers on me.” Seeing Skwisgaar’s horrified expression, he continued, “This is Dethklok, there is no halfways. We owns them completely, or they’s killed., and nobody can ever leaves.”

“Can guns evens still kills yous?” If he really could heal that fast...  
“If they gets my heart or my heads, yes. Otherwise, probablies not. But they’s not goings to hit me, I can gets through.”  
Skwisgaar was clinging, as if Toki couldn’t shake him off like a fly. “I ams not wantings you to be leavings. Please stays?”  
Toki shook his head, untangling himself from Skwisgaar. “I’ll comes back and visits you somedays.”  
“Does you promises?”  
“Ja.” Toki stood up and pulled on his hoodie. “I need to goes now, befores they’s expecting it.”  
“Wills you....” he wasn’t even sure he should ask, “Wills you bites me? Likes you uses to?”  
“I don’ts dare. Goodbyes Skwisgaar.”


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter covers a couple years, mostly just giving the highlights. Yeah, it’s kinda a montage. And Murderface _finally_ puts out a Planet Piss CD.

_When I find out all the reasons_  
 _Maybe I'll find another way_  
 _Find another day_  
 _With all the changing seasons of my life_  
 _Maybe I'll get it right next time_  
 _And now that you've been broken down_  
 _Got your head out of the clouds_  
 _You're back down on the ground_  
 _And you don't talk so loud_  
 _And you don't walk so proud_  
 _Anymore, and what for_  
-Guns n Roses “Estranged” 

 

They were waiting together as the crew did the usual post flight things, and security made sure everything was safe.  
Ofdensen looked up as Skwisgaar walked into the room, alone. “Where’s Alex?”  
“Nots here.” He didn’t _really_ believe the part about the snipers.  
They watched as the manager pulled out his phone and made a call. “Yes, we have an intruder alert. Red hoodie. Consider him very dangerous.” He ended the call and turned to them. “Don’t worry, the snipers will take care of him.”

Skwisgaar surprised them all by getting physical, grabbing the manager and slamming him against the wall. “Noes! Dat ams _Toki_ , makes dem stop!”  
Nathan pulled him back. “Uh, that’s not Toki. I know Toki, and that’s not him, not even if he had like, surgeries.”  
“Ja he ams! He jus look differents to everybodies but me!” That sounded crazy even to him, but there was no other way to put it.  
Ofdensen straightened his suit. “I’m afraid Nathan’s right. I ran Alex’s fingerprints, and he’s not Toki, not even close.”

Skwisgaar turned and slid down against the wall. “Noes...”  
Pickles went and sat next to him. “Look dude, Toki could’ve dyed his hair, but tha rest...” Where to even begin? “I mean, his eyes weren’t even tha right color, and it wasn’t contacts, ya can see ‘em when people wear ‘em. An’ Alex is way younger. I mean, I gat no real idea how old he is, but he’s clearly a lat younger than Toki was.”  
“Den I’s crazy. Oh fucks...”

Ofdensen reached out a hand. “Skwisgaar, come with me.”  
“Ams you goings to locks me up?”  
“No, we’re just going to have a talk. Come one now.” Meekly, Skwisgaar allowed the manager to pull him to his feet, and followed him to his office.  
“Skwisgaar, if he was really Toki, why would he have left?”  
“He says he has to kills people now, and can’ts be doing it all in ones place. So he has to leaves.”  
Oh great, the kid was a murderer too? “You do remember that we kept blood for Toki at all times? It would have been easy to do that again.”

Skwisgaar couldn’t believe he’d forgotten something so simple. _Of course_ Toki hadn’t needed to kill, so why had Alex insisted that he did? “Shits.”  
“Just how many people did he say he’s killed anyway, did you even ask?”  
“A few hundreds? He say he am doesing it every few days. Mostlies de guys dat he ams datings, I tink.”  
“I see.” His phone beeped, and he glanced at the screen. “Did he happen to mention anything about coming back? Oh yes, he somehow got past the snipers.”  
Was this good news or bad? He didn’t even know anymore. “Ja, he tells me he ams coming backs to sees me somedays.”

There was another thing that didn’t make sense. “How comes he ams knowing tings about Toki den, if he ams not? And dis one times, he even bites me.”  
Ofdensen sighed. “Skwisgaar, he was security. He had access to a lot of the files, and I allowed this because I fully intended to keep him. He could have easily learned enough about Toki to convince you. As for the bite, it’s not that hard to hide a razor blade or something similar in your mouth, that’s probably how he did it. Or possibly he just has a chipped tooth with a sharp edge.”  
Skwisgaar shook his head, this all made way too much sense. “I asks him to plays de guitar for me. He tells me dat he ams not playings no more. I guess... unless you really ams Toki, you can’ts be playings like Toki. Maybe he really can’ts even plays at all.”

Another thing occurred to the manager. “Skwisgaar? You do realize he was probably planning to kill you, don’t you?”  
“He says he would nots be hurtings me.”  
“It’s likely he says that to everyone he dates, I have no way of knowing. I wish I had never hired him, but there was really no choice at the time. We needed help, and he was very good.” Besides, he’d _tried_ to run a background check, but it was like the kid didn’t really even exist, there had been nothing at all.  
Skwisgaar refused to fully accept this. “He was mine friend.”

Even though he’d made the offer several times, he felt the need to repeat it yet again. “Can I interest you in therapy? It wouldn’t have to be Twinkletits, we could get someone else.”   
Skwisgaar knew probably _needed_ therapy, but he didn’t want it. Not if he had any choice in the matter. He just shook his head.  
“Well if you change your mind, let me know.” Ofdensen dismissed him, but kept thinking about this whole thing. Alex _had_ seemed to help Skwisgaar, and had indeed even saved his life. Still, he wasn’t about to trust him around any of them ever again, if he did try to come and visit.   
It wasn’t worth the risk.

****

Skwisgaar had resumed his heavy drinking. He didn’t even bother to practice his guitar that much anymore. He still carried it around a lot though, so they wouldn’t know.  
Pickles had finally given in and started medicating him, trying to find something that actually made him seem to feel better, but nothing he tried seemed to make any real difference. He finally gave up, Skwisgaar seemed very determined to keep drinking at that rate, and the drugs were probably just making things worse.  
Still, he managed to record all his tracks for a new album without any apparent difficulty.  
An album that Nathan deleted.

****

Time passed, life went on.   
Skwisgaar no longer bothered with tricks, he just carried around a bottle at all times, drinking openly. He never even played anymore unless specifically requested to. Despite all this, he was surprised to learn that he was still very fast. Maybe all that practicing he used to do hadn’t even been necessary?  
They just accepted it all now, like they did with Pickles always having a drink in his hand. They missed the old Skwisgaar, but had to admit that this laid back uncaring version was a lot nicer.  
Not nearly as much fun to hang out with though.

Skwisgaar kept up his lessons with Silas, pushing him to play faster, be even better. He wasn’t a dick about it though, he’d learned that lesson.  
Would Toki have been able to improve like this, if he’d ever actually really tried to teach him? If he hadn’t been a total asshole and basically assured that he would never be asked for another lesson?  
He had no idea.  
Silas was showing steady improvement, working hard on every new trick that he was taught.  
Of course Skwisgaar had his little exercises and tricks that helped him obtain such speed, and he was now sharing them.

****

Being allowed and even encouraged to write his own bass lines had inspired Murderface to _finally_ make some real headway with Planet Piss. Since it was _his_ side project, he wanted the music to rely heavily on his bass lines, with one guitar and a drummer to give it fullness. And a singer of course. Despite his arguments to the contrary, Murderface was very aware that he couldn’t sing. He didn’t really want to hold auditions, but he had an idea.

When Murderface asked if they could talk privately, Sy followed him to the studio. “I wasch wondering if you might be intereshted in being in Planet Pissh.”  
They had been writing together a lot, working together, it made sense. “Sure, I’ll do it.”  
Murderface smiled. “That’sh great. Hey, can you sching?”  
“I’m not that great, but I’ve done it before.”   
“Aweshome! Welcome to your new schide band.”

Since Murderface already had some pretty solid ideas and pages of mostly written lyrics he could never sing, things went rather quickly.  
Knubbler was certainly surprised when they started laying down actual tracks, maybe this band wasn’t the huge joke it had always been seen as. Planet Piss: the side band that would never happen. But it was starting to come together rather nicely. He’d worked with only Dethklok for so long that it was a welcome challenge to produce something so very different.

The plan was for it to be a CD release only, not a touring band. It would be out there, and hopefully people would like it. They’d talked about hiring someone to lay down the drum tracks, but as Murderface was playing around trying to figure out what sort of sound he wanted, he discovered that he wasn’t a half bad drummer. Nothing like Pickles of course, but for what he wanted here, more than competent.  
It was somewhat amazing how fast they could record an album when Nathan wasn’t sitting there deleting most of their tracks, repeatedly.

The CD debuted fairly low on the charts, but started climbing almost immediately. While they stuck by their refusal to actually tour, Murderface and Sy did make a few videos. They had to redo one after the original version was banned from tv by the cock-slap solo it contained. Apparently what was acceptable live was not necessarily acceptable for television.  
Once they redid that scene with some random footage, it was played a lot.  
Murderface was thrilled, his side band was a success. Nowhere as big as Dethklok of course, but that had never been his goal. All he’d ever wanted was to be able to prove himself.  
And now he had.

****

Ofdensen was worried a lot about Skwisgaar’s drinking. Yes they all drank too much, but he had been overdoing it for years now and still showed no signs of slowing down.   
He had already looked into potential liver donors for him, but that plan fell flat when Skwisgaar simply refused to sign the consent forms. The manager could only hope he’d change his mind when his health deteriorated enough, but that seemed to be his goal rather than his concern.

He was own his own too much, but he seemed to want it that way.   
Murderface and Silas of course spent a lot of time together, and they’d become quite good friends. Nathan and Pickles hung out a lot. They would have welcomed Skwisgaar, all of them would have, but they weren’t really going to try to drag him to join them if he didn’t want to. It just wasn’t their nature.  
So Skwisgaar was spending most of his time alone, in his room or anywhere else that the others weren’t. He was rarely sober.  
Framed on his bedroom wall were a couple pictures from that long ago cover shoot.   
Toki, who despite all their fighting, had been his friend.

****

Nathan and Pickles were in the studio trying to work on a new song, but it just wasn’t working. When Sy stopped by to see how things were going, they asked him to stay and play with them. He was surprised, but picked up his guitar anyway.   
They started once again, Sy a little unsure at first but quickly finding a sound he liked and developing it. It was starting to come together very nicely, finally.  
And that’s when Skwisgaar walked in.

Sy glanced at him nervously, he knew he was overstepping his boundaries here, he wasn’t the songwriter. He didn’t quit playing though.  
To everyone’s surprise, Skwisgaar simply picked up his guitar and with a nod to Sy, started playing a rhythm line.   
They played for a while, and Nathan seemed pleased with the overall sound. “Yeah. Just like that.”  
Sy was a little worried though. “Skwisgaar, you okay with this?”  
He waved it off. “Ja, it ams fine. I jus... don’ts really cares anymore.”

That was strange enough to worry Nathan. He ignored the drinking for the most part, they all drank a lot anyway, but not caring about playing lead? That was scary.  
Later that night, he went to Skwisgaar’s room. “Hey.”  
Skwisgaar was just lying on his bed, staring at the ceiling. “What ams you wantings?”  
“Do you like, want to leave the band? Or something?” It was kind of weird that Skwisgaar wasn’t even bothering to look at him.  
“I ams not leavings. Besides, where would I goes?”

Scanning the room, Nathan saw that Toki’s guitar was still there. It was dusty as hell and the strings were dull and rusting with age, but it was still there.  
He noticed the photos on the wall, should have seen them first, but he was a guy and noticing decorative touches wasn’t all that high in his capabilities.   
Pictures of Toki. Well, of both of them, probably from that magazine thing they did.  
Good photos.

Nathan went over and lay down next to him, which finally earned him a glance. “Gets off mine bed.”  
Nathan didn’t feel cooperative. “Make me.”  
“Pfft, stays den. I am not givings a shits.” He rolled onto his side, facing away.  
Annoyed and acting on impulse, Nathan leaned up and bit him on the shoulder, drawing blood.  
This got a reaction. “Ow fucks Nat’ans!” He grabbed his wounded shoulder. “Why de fucks you does dat?”  
“Because you’re like, not _you_ anymore. Because... maybe you just like being bit? I um, don’t really know.”  
“Gets out of mine room.”  
This time Nathan listened, and left. 

****

When it was released, the newest Dethklok album of course went straight to the top.   
Planet Piss was still climbing the charts and holding it’s own, but no threat to the latest Dethalbum. (They thought of them all as Dethalbums, the titles didn’t matter.)  
The long deprived fans went insane, rioting and causing massive amounts of mayhem. Every store that was carrying it sold out of it within the first hour, and then faced heavy damages as the disappointed fans turned on the employees and the building itself.

****

It had been three years now since the last world tour, but they just weren’t up to another one. When Ofdensen tried to insist, Nathan asked to speak with him privately. With a confused nod, he led Nathan into his office. “Well, what is it?”  
“We like, can’t tour.”  
“That’s simply not good enough, please explain why.”  
“Look. You haven’t been listening in much, right? When we were recording and all?”  
“No I wasn’t, I know that’s not my area of expertise. Why?”  
“Then you don’t know who’s been playing lead lately.”

This momentarily shocked the manager. “But... it’s always been Skwisgaar.”  
Nathan shook his head. “No. He doesn’t um, care anymore. Or something. Sy did all the lead tracks, even wrote them. So we can’t tour.”  
Of course they couldn’t, the fans would never accept this. “Very well, your reasons are sound. There will be no tour.”  
Nathan took that as his cue, and left.  
Ofdensen decided he needed to have another talk with Skwisgaar, not that it ever seemed to do any good.

He found him in his room, as usual, and drunk as usual. “Skwisgaar, I think we need to talk.”  
Skwisgaar chucked an empty bottle at him, which he easily ducked. “Fucks off.”  
Undeterred, the manager forged on. “Nathan tells me you all can’t go on tour because you refuse to play your parts anymore?”  
“Goes and tells somebody who ams caring.”  
“Do you want to leave? Is that what this is about?”  
“I can’ts leave. We ams on de top of de worlds, dere ams nowhere to be going from heres. So I will stays. Now leaves me alones.”  
Seeing that he was making absolutely no progress, Ofdensen backed down and left him alone.  
Again.

****

Skwisgaar started spending a lot of time in the studio, but only when nobody else was there. They all hoped he was playing again, maybe even writing, but knew he was most likely just using it as another place to hide.  
At least he was getting out of his room.  
Skwisgaar was indeed hiding. Even the other’s company was too much for him to deal with most of the time, even though _they_ hadn’t changed at all.  
He just wanted to be left alone.

****

Across the sea, a worried young man sat beside a corpse. Had the man merely been bragging, or was his information real? It _had_ to be real, it had taken a truly extraordinary amount of torture to get the details out of him.  
He would have to go and see for himself.  
Although he had no passport or even any identification, he headed straight for the airport. He would simply have to travel _his_ way.   
He needed to get there as soon as possible, needed to hear what was planned, what was said.

****

In the secret location, the reports had been given.   
This newest Dethklok album was an even bigger success than any one that had come before it.  
The scary grey-haired man stood up to address them, the time had finally come. “Even the changes have not stopped the monster that is Dethklok, they grow ever stronger. We must act now, before it is too late forever.”  
One of their members got up and quietly slipped out the door, leaving unnoticed.  
The others began making plans.


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A mysterious visitor brings very bad news

_And if the dam breaks open many years too soon_  
 _And if there is no room upon the hill_  
 _And if your head explodes with dark forebodings too_  
 _I'll see you on the dark side of the moon._  
-Pink Floyd “Brain Damage” 

 

Ofdensen was in his office when he received a call. It was one of the tower guards. “I’ve never seen you in such a state and wanted to know if there was anything going on that we should be aware of?”  
Frowning in confusion, he looked out his window. “What do you mean? I’m in my office, and in the same state as I always am.”  
“What? But we just saw you walk by! You were wearing old clothes and didn’t have your glasses on, but it was you. Unless you have a twin brother?”  
“I assure you that I’m an only child.” Hanging up, Ofdensen broadcasted a message to all personnel to be on the lookout for anyone that seemed different or dressed strangely.

Skwisgaar was in the studio when Alex walked in. “Alex! You ams back!” The hoodie had been replaced by an old sweatshirt and baseball cap, but it was still clearly him. But how? One did not simply walk into Mordhaus. “How’s you be gettings in heres?” And why did he no longer look like Toki? Oh right, he never really had, he’d just been crazy.  
“I tolds you I would comes back, and I gots my ways. I can goes pretty much anywheres I want.”  
Even if he wasn’t Toki, he decided that it was still a nice surprise. “Well I ams glad you cames back to sees me.”

Ofdensen got a report of Silas near the studio, but dressed strangely. A quick call to Sy confirmed he wasn’t in that part of the Haus at all, and hadn’t been all day.  
Suspecting his intruder, he summoned a nearby guard gear and set out to investigate.  
Entering the studio, he too recognized Alex at once. “Skwisgaar, get away from him!”  
“Noes! Even thoughs I was just de crazys, he ams still mine friend!”  
Ignoring this, he turned to this imposter. “Alex, you’re leaving. By force if necessary, and I assure you that you can’t take me. I’ll defend this band with my life.”  
“Don’ts start this, I really don’ts want to fights you.”  
Funny, he didn’t talk like he had before.

It was then that the rest of the band came in, alerted to the location of unfolding weirdness by Sy.  
They saw the manager grab Alex, who then picked him up like he weighed nothing and pinned him to a wall with one hand. Because the studio was so soundproofed, the waiting guard had to step into the hall to radio for backup, and Alex pointed to Nathan with his free hand. “Locks the doors.”  
Not knowing what else to do, or even what the hell was going on, Nathan obeyed.  
The studio doubled as a bomb shelter, there was no way the Klokateers could get back through those doors. They were on their own.   
While Alex was distracted, Ofdensen saw his chance. Reaching into his pocket, without even pulling the gun free, he fired.

Skwisgaar screamed.  
Alex flinched as the bullet tore through him, but didn’t fall, didn’t even let go. Blood stained his shirt. “That’s not nice.”  
“I demand you put me down!” To his surprise, he was lowered to the floor. Alex pulled his shirt up, showing that he was unmarked, despite the blood on his clothes.  
This was impossible. Pickles was staring at him in wonder. “Dude, who the fuck _are_ ya, rally?”  
Ofdensen gave him a look. “Don’t talk to him Pickles. He’s some kind of shape shifter, I assume. The guards said you looked like me, prove it.”  
Alex pulled his hair back, and suddenly he was the manager. With long hair, which he then tucked into his cap.

The band was very impressed.   
Sy had to ask, “You can do me too? I wanna see!”  
Alex let his hair back loose, and then he was Sy. The hair was too long, but it was still very passable.  
“Oooooh...” Pickles was all but clapping his hands in glee. “Can ya do me?”  
“Nots really, you wouldn’ts looks right. I can’ts change my size and I probablies can’t does your hairs. They’s close enough to copies, the rest of you’s, not reallies.”  
“So uh, why do you like, talk like Toki?”  
“Because I ams.”

Murderface crossed his arms. “Prove it.”  
“How? Yous just thinks it’s another tricks.” But he turned into Toki anyway.  
And was nearly knocked off his feet when Skwisgaar grabbed him, not caring what the others thought. “You _ams_! I tells dem but dey won’ts listen!”  
“So do you like, totally turn into whoever?”  
“Noes, people just see what I wants them to.”  
“So uh, who is Alex? Really? And why is he like, so much younger?”  
Toki shrugged. “Nobodies really. He’s young because I felts like a scareds kid when I makes him, and I was afraids people would knows me. I didn’t even know how I was doings it for the longest times.”

“Alex, I ran your fingerprints, I know you’re not Toki. They weren’t even close to a match.”  
He shrugged. “I tells you, you sees what I wants you to.”  
“Do you have any possible way of proving any of this?”  
He turned, showing his fangs. “Wants me to bites you?”  
Before he could reply, Nathan stepped up. “Yeah. Bite me.” He held out his arm.  
Ofdensen pushed up his glasses. “Nathan, I really don’t-”  
“Shut the fuck up.” Nathan kept his eyes locked on Toki, waiting.  
Taking the offered arm, Toki bit him.

It wasn’t the same, he didn’t really take much and let go after a few seconds, but it was long enough for Nathan. “Oh yeah. It’s him.”  
“Dude, no fuckin’ _way_! Toki?! But... yer dead! I mean, ya went an’ killed yerself, raight?”  
“Noes. I was plannings to, but... noes. That didn’t works out.”  
Skwisgaar glared at him. “Whats de fucks dids you _do_?”  
“I saves your fuckings life by getting aways from you. The rest doesn’ts matter.”  
Nathan stopped them. “Guys. Don’t start this shit again. I’m serious.”  
“Sorries.” They both backed down.

Sy was hanging back, watching. What did this mean for him? Toki was back, so were they going to kick him out now? And just what the hell was Toki anyway?! Nobody was paying any attention to him.  
Toki turned back to Ofdensen. “We needs to talks, privately.”  
Nathan did not approve. “Uh-uh. Whatever the fuck you have to say, say it in front of all of us.”  
There was no help for it, so he did. “I’s been sittngs in on the Council for the lasts week. They’s gots an armies, and they plans to kills you all.”

“That’s impossible, if there was anything like that planned I would have gotten word of it. And we have a fine army of our own here, surely we’re more than a match for them.”  
“Noes. Yous lost your armies, they won’ts fight. This place is alreadies surrounded, I barely makes it through. All you’s got is me.”  
While Ofdensen pondered if this was even remotely believable, Skwisgaar went back to Toki’s side. “Ams you goings to stays dis time?”  
“I’s never leavings again.”

The manager looked up at that, catching the double meaning.  
Toki nodded. “You asks me once if I would dies for Dethklok, my answer hasn’ts changed.”  
“How long do we have?”  
“Don’ts know for sures, a few days? Does we have anywhere here that the hood guys don’ts have keys to, somewhere safes?”  
“Are you absolutely sure we can’t make it out?”  
“Ja, I comes from out there. If onlies I’d got heres sooner...”

Ofdensen was thinking. “My quarters. They’re secure, the Klokateers don’t have access, and I have a large supply of food there.”  
“What’s you gots for weapons?”  
Unfortunately, the manager didn’t keep many in his private rooms, and making for the armory was probably out off the question. “I’ve got an AK with a full 60 round clip, but no spares. Other than that... this handgun, and a couple swords. Are any of you carrying weapons?”  
Toki and Murderface showed their knives, but nobody else had anything large enough to be really considered dangerous.

Pickles went over to Sy. “Dude, I know yer kinda lost here, so I’m gonna fill ya in. Toki’s a vampire, thet’s why he left in tha first place. An’ he can do sahm freaky shit apparently, an’ all hell is ‘bout to cahm down on our heads. Sahrry yer caught up in this, but...” He shrugged. “Shit happens, I guess. Ya never know, maybe we’ll make it. Dethklok has survived sahm crazy shit in tha past.”  
Silas nodded. While this wasn’t at all reassuring, at least he knew what was going on. Not that it made any sense, but there was nothing he could really do about that part. He’d heard of their past adventures with devils and trolls, so a vampire (shape shifter, whatever the hell he was) wasn’t too hard to believe in. 

Pickles went to his drum kit and started dismantling it. Nathan watched him in confusion. “What the hell are you doing, Pickles?”  
“These pipes are super hard, ya can beat the fuck outta sahmbody with ‘em.”  
“Oh. Cool, give me one.”  
Pickles broke down several stands, it never hurt to be over prepared.   
Toki changed back to looking like Alex, not wanting those outside to see who he really was. “Let’s goes now, before they can stops us.”

As they left the studio, Ofdensen made an announcement for the sake of the lingering Klokateers, who he no longer trusted at all. “Come along Alex, and we’ll discuss putting up back on the payroll. Then you can go hang out with the guys.”  
Under watch but without interference, they made it to the manager’s private quarters. Ofdensen ushered them in, shutting and locking the industrial strength door behind them. “I only have two bedrooms, but the couch folds out. We’ll have to make do.”

None of them had ever been in here before, but after a quick inspection, the novelty was gone and the worry returned.   
Ofdensen brought in some more chairs, and they all sat down. “Now Toki, tell me everything you know about this.”  
“It’s kinds of a long stories.” He put his arm around Skwisgaar, who was leaning against him, and his free hand on Nathan’s leg. It was good to be back together, even though the circumstances sucked.  
“I need to know, explain the best you can.”

“Okays. I was in Europe when I hears the rumors, that’s why it took me so long to gets here. They said that scarys guy was goings to kill Dethklok, so I goes to that Council thing and listens.”  
The Council was a very secure place. “How did you even get in?”  
“That’s the easies part, I just picks one and follows him homes, kills him and takes his clothes. Then all I has to do is nots talk.”  
That made perfect sense, they’d just witnessed Toki’s incredible ability to look like other people. “And?”  
“They’s got to our guys somehow, I misses that part. They’s not going to help the bad guys, but if they tries to helps us, they dies. Wish we coulds hear them.”

“We can.” Ofdensen went over to a control panel on his wall and punched a few buttons. Soon they were hearing dialog from all over the Haus. “This is a master intercom, we can listen to most anywhere.”  
However, there was little really being said that night, and they soon lost interest. Ofdensen left it on, they would need any warning they could get.  
Soon however, they focused on their more immediate concerns.

“Scho where do we shleep?”  
“Oh. One of you can share my bed, the other bed is big enough for three, and the couch can hold two. You guys work it out.”  
Murderface considered. “I want the couch. He can sleep with me,” he said, pointing to Silas, whose name he still refused to say.”  
“Toki ams stayings wit me, we takes de bed. And Nat’ans too, ams fines.”  
Pickles shrugged and looked at the manager. “Well then, I guess ya gat me. Now what’s ta eat around here?”

Ofdensen mentally considered his stores. “Everybody listen up! The milk and the ice cream are Toki’s, I don’t want anyone else eating or drinking them. Do you understand?” Everybody but Skwisgaar looked confused, so he continued. “We did tests a long time ago, milk and things that are mostly milk are the only thing besides blood that will do Toki any good to eat.”  
They nodded. If Toki needed those, he could have them.  
Hopefully the manager stocked more food than dry cereal.  
Fortunately, he did.

That night Toki slept between Nathan and Skwisgaar. It was almost like old times, being together again. It wouldn’t be for long, but after being alone for so long, he was going to enjoy it while he could.  
Just like old times, he nipped their fingers but just barely, sucking on them together.  
He loved them, all of them. He knew he was going to die, but he only hoped he could kill enough of them to save these few, the ones he was never supposed to even care about.  
He cared anyway, and there was no point in hiding it anymore.

****

Silas approached the manager. “You said you have swords? I’m rusty but I’ve had a little training, can I have one?”  
Instead of answering, Ofdensen left the room. He came back carrying some of those wooden pole things that are supposed to be swords, and handed one to Sy. “Let’s practice then, show me what you can do.”  
The others watched, not really understanding the finer points at all, watching them slash at each other with pretty sticks.  
It was kind of noisy.

“Come on Silas, this won’t be a polite fight! Just come at me!”  
He did. He quit worrying about things like form and went for it. Ofdensen could counter most of it easily, but to somebody unused to a blade, this guy would be deadly. It would be safe to assume that the soldiers wouldn’t be trained for that, it wasn’t the fashion these days.  
Ofdensen nodded his approval. “We’ll practice more, but yes, I’ll gladly give you a sword.”  
They leaned their sticks in the corner, no need to put them away.

****

They were periodically listening to the intercom, hoping to learn of anything new. One time they got lucky and happen to hear a particularly clear exchange between two gears who were apparently standing right next to a microphone.  
 _“They’ve got my family, I’ll kill you myself before I let you interfere.”  
“We promised to die for them.”  
“Yeah WE. Not my fucking family. Dethklok is already dead, they just haven’t stopped breathing yet.”  
“You’re right.”_

Ofdensen was sitting on his bed thinking when Toki came in and joined him. Everyone else was asleep, they could hear Pickles snoring behind them. “We’s both going to die, you knows.”  
“Yes, I’m aware of that. But if we can save them, then it will be worth it. Do you think they know?”  
“They knows. They’s just tryings to ignore it as longs as they can, can’ts blames them.”  
“Do we have a chance at all here? I am of course willing to die for them, but it would be nice to know it won’t be all for nothing.”  
Toki just shrugged. “I don’ts really know.”

“Toki? I’m sorry I shot you.”  
“You’s just doing your job, no harms done.”   
“There’s something I’ve been wondering about though. I’ve watched all media for any sign of you and found nothing. How are you killing undetected?”  
That one was so easy that it was amazing the manager hadn’t thought of it. “Withs my knife. I cuts them instead of biting, most of the times, cuts the ones I do bites to cover it up. Dump then in the bathtubs and it looks like suicide, leaves them somewhere and it looks like hate crimes.”  
“Hate crimes?”  
“Because lots of them is gays.”

****

Ofdensen had fried up a bunch of chicken.  
So far they hadn’t run out of food, but supplies were getting low. The stock in the freezer was vanishing rapidly.  
To everyone’s surprise, Toki took a couple pieces and ate them.  
Skwisgaar found this delightful. “Toki! You ams eating food!”  
He shrugged. “I’s just trying to pretends.” Realizing how stupid this was, he didn’t take any more. There was no point in wasting their food, it could still be days yet.  
He wandered over to the couch to wait for them to finish.

The milk products were long gone, and Ofdensen realized that they had another problem. “Toki? When did you last eat?”  
He shrugged. “Six days now, I was in a hurry to gets here. I didn’t thinks they would takes this long.”  
“It weakens you though, doesn’t it, being hungry?”  
“Ja, buts I can’ts help that. Maybe I cans catch somebody walking by heres, kills them?”  
Ofdensen shook his head. “What we’ve little been hearing lately has only come from the outside mics, it seems that the Haus itself has been emptied.”

This was terrible news, every day they waited meant he was weaker, of less use to them. “I guess I just has to deals with it then.”  
Ofdensen looked around, considering. “There are enough of us, if you drink from us all.”  
“Noes! I can’ts weaken any of yous, I _won’ts_. They’s going to haves to fight, there’s no ways we’s going to be able to takes them alls.”  
“I wish we knew how many we’re even up against. Well, I suppose they’ll tell us soon.”

After that first night, Toki hadn’t bitten anyone. Not even on the finger, he just refused to do it.  
As time went on, his reasons had changed. As hungry as he was now, that would just be a tease, just make it so much harder, so much worse. He was better off avoiding it all together.  
He’d eaten everything that the manager had that contained any milk at all, but it wasn’t really doing him any good. He needed what he couldn’t have.  
Unfortunately, the manager didn’t have a rat problem. Not that he _wanted_ to eat rats, but anything at all would help.

Skwisgaar came and sat beside him, looking very thoughtful. “Toki, I knows you ams needing to drinks. I has been thinkings, and I wants you to drinks me, kills me.”  
Toki stared at him in horror. “NOES! Everything I’s done was to saves you!”  
“You knows I can’ts fight for shits, and I ams not wantings dem to dies trying to protects me. Besides, I’s been killing myself slowlies for years, I don’t gots much left anyways. If I ams goings to die, at least lets me be choosing how, lets me help save dem. Dey needs yous to be strongs, it ams alls I can does.”  
Toki just shook his head, refusing to even discuss it.

****

The intercom system was active today, and these were clearly not their employees.  
 _“How did they pick this number anyway?”  
“Well these bastards have been very lucky all these years, so we needed enough to be sure. It was decided to send 50 for the lawyer, and 10 for each of them.”  
“And the other two hundred men?”  
“Insurance, enough to kill them all three times. We’ll give ‘em until nightfall. If they don’t come out by then, we’ll burn ‘em out.”_

 _“How will they even know?”  
“They know. That crazy lawyer has this whole place wired, he’s probably listening right now. Hey Ofdensen! You’ve got until dark to die fast instead of being burned alive! You think you’re so clever, hiding away in a room we can’t get a key to. We know exactly where you are, and we have you trapped.”  
“Did you tell our soldiers to avoid head shots? We’re supposed to bring them back, and he’ll want them recognizable.”  
“They’ve been told. I’m going to collect your head myself, Lawyer!”_  
The men laughed.

Three hundred men, waiting to kill them, by tonight.   
There were only seven of them, even with a vampire on their side it looked impossible.  
Ofdensen was calculating, and it wasn’t looking at all hopeful. “Fifty? They give me far too much credit.” He turned to Toki. “Should we even try? How many do you think you can take?”  
“We has to tries, we gots no choice. And I don’ts know, I’ll just kill as manies as I can until they stops me. Probablies not enough, but...” He shrugged.  
“And if you weren’t weak, how many then?”  
“At least halfs, probably lots more.”

Skwisgaar took his hand. “Toki. You ams their only chance, and you needs me to does it.”  
Skwisgaar was right. If any of them were to even have a chance of surviving, someone had to die. Three hundred soldiers, without blood he’d never be able to cut their numbers down enough, nobody would make it out, no one would survive. They would bleed of course, but he would have no time to pause and drink once the fight started.   
There was no one he could get to, no one in his reach. No one but the six of them.  
“Please Toki. Takes my life?”  
As much as he wanted to deny it, he couldn’t. Slowly he nodded.

Skwisgaar pulled him toward the couch. “Will you does it slow? I wants to feels you as longs as it ams possible.”  
Toki nodded again, starting to cry. He pulled Skwisgaar into his lap and kissed him. “Untils you goes to sleep. Then I makes it quick, so you doesn’t suffer.”  
Skwisgaar tried to smile, and almost succeeded. “I’s going to be wit yous for de rest of mine life.”  
“Don’ts make me laugh, this hurts too much.” He kissed him again. “If there’s anythings on the others side, I’ll see yous soon.”

Cradling Skwisgaar in his free arm and holding eye contact, he bit his wrist, sucking gently. Both of them were crying softly, but Skwisgaar had a small smile on his face.  
Everyone was silent. Pickles had tears flowing freely, but the others were holding back with varying degrees of success.   
True to his word, despite how desperately hungry he had to be, Toki was making it very slow.  
They waited. 

Finally, Skwisgaar couldn’t keep his eyes open anymore. He slipped into unconsciousness.   
Feeling the changes in his heart rate and knowing from past experiments that although asleep, this was the point where it could get uncomfortable, Toki let go.  
This was it, this was the end.  
“Goodbyes Skwisgaar.” He kissed him one last time, softly.  
Then Toki shifted to his throat, finishing it.  
It was the hardest thing he’d ever had to do in his life.

He carried Skwisgaar into the bedroom and laid him carefully on the bed, arranging him so that he looked like he was just sleeping. “Makes sure we gets a Viking funerals? Burns us together.”  
“Toki, you’re not dead yet.”  
“I’s about to be, close enoughs. Promise me you will does it?”  
“Uh, yeah. If at all fucking possible, we’ll do it. I promise.”  
“Thanks you Nathan.”


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The fight, and the afterwards. This is the last chapter, the end.

_Fall right into homicide_  
 _Become the beast that lives inside_  
 _Sink your fangs into the skin_  
 _Drink the blood so you may live_  
 _Kill until you find the one_  
 _That will carry tainted sons_  
 _Deth brings life into the dark_  
 _Infest the world and make your mark_  
 _Tonight_  
-Dethklok “Bloodlines” 

 

“Toki, I’ve been thinking, I should go out there first. They seem to consider me somewhat supernatural, it will throw them off. Then you can try to get the others through.”  
“You’s right, you _should_ goes first, get me some of your clothes. I gots to get rid of lots of them befores you even tries to make it.”  
Unfortunately this made perfect sense, so the manager went and got some clothes. Toki probably wouldn’t want a whole suit, so he just grabbed a shirt and pants. His shoes would never fit, but they probably wouldn’t be looking at his feet if the rest of the illusion was good enough.

Toki changed into the clothes, which fortunately fit him pretty good. Then he changed into Ofdensen.  
They studied him. No glasses, but that could be an advantage if their attackers thought he couldn’t see well. And then of course-  
“Oh Toki, your hair...”  
“Cuts it off.”  
They looked surprised, but Ofdensen nodded. “I have scissors.”

Pickles volunteered to do it, he claimed to have cut his friend’s hair when he was younger.  
He went to work, glancing back and forth between Toki and the manager, trying to get it close. He wasn’t really all that good, but the overall effect was working.  
When it was done, Toki ran a hand over his head, the lack of hair felt so weird. He couldn’t remember a time in his life when it had been this short.  
It didn’t matter anymore though.

The sun was setting, they were out of time.  
As Ofdensen had previously decided, he handed Toki the AK-47. Toki had always a pretty good shot, and that could be 60 more they wouldn’t have to worry about. Besides, whoever stepped out with that one was going to be sprayed with bullets, and Toki was the only one with any chance of surviving that. “They’re all going to shoot at you, you know.”  
“Ja. Don’ts worry, I can takes it.”

He gave Pickles his pistol, Pickles was probably the best shot of all of them, excluding himself.  
He gave Silas one sword but kept the other. Pickles brought out the drum kit parts and selected one for his free hand. Nathan took two, and Murderface took one since he already had his knife, of course. Silas, like the manager, chose to use the sword alone. Anything else was likely to hinder him more than help.  
They wanted to say goodbye but didn’t know how. 

Toki turned to Ofdensen. “Don’t you dare comes out until they kills me. Lets me gets as many as I can firsts.”  
“How will I know? How can I be sure?”  
“That’s easy, you comes out when the screaming stops.”  
Ofdensen frowned. “Military men usually don’t scream.”  
“Militaries men usually don’ts get ripped aparts by a vampire eithers. They’s goings to scream, trusts me.”  
With a last look back, Toki went out the door.

The gunfire started immediately, and it was impossible to tell anything over the noise.   
But very quickly it died down, and they all feared that Toki had greatly overestimated himself, had already been killed. Ofdensen reached for the door, but stopped as the screaming began on the other side. Everything was still going according to plan then.  
Listening at the speaker, they waited. They didn’t know just what Toki was doing to those men, but it was clearly something truly horrifying.  
After what felt like a very long time, the screaming stopped.

Ofdensen turned to the others. “Same deal as Toki, don’t any of you come out until they kill me. Then go out all together, hopefully there won’t be too many left.”  
“Affden- _Charles_... gawd, I don’t even have tha words. Thanks man.”  
“Yeah, thanks. You’re not a robot, I’m sorry we ever called you that.”  
Charles wanted to hug them all, but businesslike to the end, he settled for shaking everyone’s hand. “I think I’d like to get in on that Viking funeral you’re planning, if you would include me?” They all nodded. “Goodbye boys.”  
Adjusting his grip on his sword, Charles went out to fight.

There was a lot less screaming this time, and they wondered if they’d even be able to tell when it was over.  
In silence they stood waiting, feeling the losses they’d already suffered, wondering if any of them could possibly survive.  
Three hundred soldiers... it had sounded like Toki had taken out a lot of them, but there was just no way to be sure. Three hundred.  
The soft sounds of the quieter fight were punctuated by the occasional gunshot, but either they were mostly missing or Charles was one tough motherfucker. Probably both.  
Then another shot rang out and the scuffling sounds ended.  
Charles was down.

It was their turn, their turn to go out or be burned out. They went out the door.  
There were bodies everywhere, the floor a pool of blood.  
They couldn’t even pick out their own people, not without a search that they simply didn’t have time for.  
The remaining soldiers turned too face them, determined to finish this job. It was clear that they weren’t completely out of ammo as they raised their guns, taking aim.  
Staying together no longer seemed like a good idea.

Not one for planning, Nathan charged the soldiers, swinging wildly.   
Pickles covered him, picking off what gunmen he could until he’d emptied the pistol, then tossed it aside.  
Silas had advanced as well, the sword was not a long range weapon, and Murderface had moved away from the other side.  
They weren’t sure just how many they were up against, there was no time to stop and count.  
Shots were fired.

Nathan was inflicting heavy damage, plowing through them. He knew he’d been shot a few times, but had no idea how badly. He was still standing and he could still fight, so he did so, bashing the hell out of anyone he could reach.  
He could see blood on the others too, but so far they were all still fighting too.  
There was no time to think, he kept smashing at them, blood running down his arm and threatening his grip.

Silas paused, checking the others. Nathan and Murderface seemed to be holding their own so far. Pickles was under heavy attack and barely holding on, so he ran to help him. He seemed injured.  
The fought back to back, Sy defending about 3/4 of the circle while Pickles watched his back.  
There were too just many.  
They converged around the pair, sensing that it was two-for-one, if they could take Silas then Pickles would go down without much trouble.  
They just had to wear them down.

Murderface knew a lot about wounds, he’d always had a sick fascination for them.   
He knew he’d just been fatally shot, and it was only a matter of time now, not much time at that. Immediate surgery could save him, but that was out of the question, he was dying.  
No point in being careful then, no point at all.  
He charged into the mob that had surrounded Silas and Pickles, breaking through and giving them a way out. “Go! I’ll shtop them!”  
Pickles saw how badly he was bleeding. “Oh Murderface...”  
“It’sh too late for me, jusht get out!” At least he could die a hero.

As Murderface slashed and bashed at their attackers, they slipped past and ran for Nathan.  
Pickles had shifted his pipe to his other hand, the injury to his arm had made it impossible to hold onto it. He swung, beating at the men surrounding Nathan.  
Sy still had his sword and was doing a lot of damage, he’d probably killed the most so far. Aside from Toki and Charles, of course.  
Together, the three of them kept fighting, kept killing.  
It seemed they’d finally run out of bullets, the gunfire had stopped.

Murderface was gone, in the commotion they hadn’t even seen him fall. They couldn’t even look for him, there were still soldiers left, still trying to kill them.   
The battle has degraded to a primitive level, the soldiers were now fighting with knives and swinging their empty rifles as clubs.   
Sy was trying to take out the knife fighters, his sword was far superior.  
Nathan continued to bash the fuck out of anyone he could, but his wild swings were maiming more than he killed.  
Pickles was still fighting one-handed, but with much more precision, making every blow count.

Eventually there was no one left standing, they’d somehow finally gotten them all.  
The three of them still stood, exhausted and having no idea how much of the blood that covered them was their own.  
Their home had been raped, their friends had died for them.   
Silas walked around the room with his sword, looking for fallen soldiers that were still breathing and running then through as he found them. There would be no survivors.  
In his search, he was the one who found their people.

Nathan had managed to carry Toki and then Charles, placing them in the room with Skwisgaar, laid out on the floor. But Murderface was heavier and he was just too tired. Pickles was no help, his injured arm had no strength. Nathan called for Sy to help him, and they moved Murderface together.  
They hadn’t wanted to leave them with their enemies.  
Too tired to do anything else tonight, they stumbled back into the rest apartment to try to clean up enough to assess their injuries. They didn’t yet feel safe venturing into other portions of the Haus.

After showers (there was just too much blood not to), they tried their best to patch up each other’s injuries.  
Pickles had been shot through the arm, the cause of his weakness. It didn’t look like it was too bad, but what did they really know?  
Nathan and Sy had been grazed multiple times, but somewhat miraculously had received no serious injuries.  
Exhausted, they collapsed on the sofa bed together, not even caring that it was a bit cramped.  
In the morning they would have to find their people, they had to have a funeral.

****

There were a lot of dead gears scattered throughout the Haus. It seemed that despite all the threats, some of them had tried to protect them anyway. And failed.  
Jean-Pierre was among the fallen, but his loyalty had never been in question.  
The remaining gears were quite wary of them, knowing they had failed, but trying to help set things right.  
Nathan, when asked, commanded them to build two funeral pyres, one for the loyal gears and one for Dethklok. The enemy soldiers would be left to rot at the far edge of Mordland.  
Dethklok was dead. The three of them could go on, but they just really didn’t want to anymore.  
The efficient hoods soon completed their tasks.

Pickles was worried. “How do we do this raight? Anybody know?”  
Nathan nodded. “Yeah. All four of them together, and we like, face them to the four directions.”  
“Dude, how do ya _know_ thet? Is it sahm tribal thing or sahmthin’?  
“Uh, I don’t know. It’s just right.” He really didn’t know why he felt so strongly that it had to be this way, but he wasn’t going to question it.  
“So...” Sy was thinking, “Skwisgaar to the north, Murderface to the south.” Those were the easiest ones. “Charles, to the east? And I guess Toki to the west?”  
“Yeah. That’s exactly right.”

They had retrieved their dead, and now placed them in the chosen pattern. Although Skwisgaar was clean, the other three were covered in blood. Pickles had wanted to clean them up, but Nathan wouldn’t let him. “No. Let them burn in the blood of our enemies.”  
When all was ready, that each took a torch and lit the fire from three sides, then moved around to insure an even burn.  
It caught quickly, leaping high to consume the bodies, reaching for the sky.  
The three survivors remained there watching until only coals remained.

****

It was Pickles who insisted they hold a press conference. The media was going crazy, they needed some answers. He insisted that Nathan be the one to explain, but Nathan objected, saying he couldn’t even think of what to say.  
“Dude, Jest wing it.”  
“But Charles always wrote my speeches for me.”  
“An’ ya always threw ‘em out. You’ll be fine.”  
Resigned, Nathan grunted in agreement. “But you both have to talk too!”  
“No prablem.”  
“Yeah man, all of us. It’s cool.”

And so two days later, the three of them stood on a platform before the gates of Mordland.  
Nathan took the mic. “I just wanna say that, uh... Dethklok is over. And I’m retiring.” He stepped back.  
Pickles took his turn. “Ya heard ‘em, we’re done. But I’m thinkin’ of maybe starting a record label, stayin’ in the business. Thet’s my plan anyway.”  
Silas stepped up next. “ _I’m_ not retiring. I’m going to find another band and keep playing. Nice try motherfuckers, but you haven’t seen the last of me yet!”  
The crowd of press went wild, screaming questions and demands.  
Nathan glared at them. “NO QUESTIONS!”  
With that, they turned and went back inside.

****

The creepy grey-haired man had been following the reports. He had been considering sending yet another few hundred men to eliminate the survivors, but their press conference had put him at ease. His loyal followers were awaiting their orders. “Let them go, they’re broken now. Dethklok is no more.”  
The fallout might yet bring the world to an end, but it sould make no difference whether he killed these last three or let them live.  
It was easier to simply let them go.

****

Silas had news for them. “I’ve been receiving offers from bands. I’d really like to stay with you, but if you’re really not going to play anymore...”  
“Dude, jest go fer it. We’re happy fer ya, rally.”  
Nathan nodded. “Yeah. I just can’t do it anymore. So like, pick one and go on. You’re the fastest guitarist alive now, I think.”  
He’d never even thought of that. “Wow, I guess I probably am. I wonder if they’ll test me like they did Skwisgaar?”

After reviewing the submissions, Sy had selected the band he thought was the best for him. They were a small and so far unknown band, but they had a good sound. Even on the really shitty recording they’d sent that had clearly been made by turning on a recorder in the jam room.  
They were calling themselves Assassination Time, which was pretty brutal.  
Not very funny, since he’d only recently survived an actual assassination attempt, but the note they’d sent with it said they’re been together for a year, it was nothing personal. They also said that their own guitarist had recently been killed, although there were no details about that given.  
They wouldn’t be unknown for long, his presence as the only member of Dethklok still playing would guarantee their success. 

When he told them, Nathan and Pickles were only supportive. They insisted he keep in touch though, and Pickles offered the services of not yet existent record label.  
Knubbler, who had been away during the recent ordeal, announced a desire to go with Sy. They were going to need a good producer, and he was the best there was.  
It took a few days to get everything worked out, but then Silas and Knubbler left.

The Haus wasn’t home anymore, they didn’t want to stay there.  
Nathan announced that he was going back to Florida, probably the Keys. Because that’s where he was from and “That’s what people do. You know, when they retire.”  
Pickles was planning to move back to Los Angeles, where he’d first made it big was as good of a place as any. He would start his record label there.   
After all, it wasn’t as they couldn’t afford to do pretty much anything they wanted.

****

_~4 years later~_

Nathan sat on the dock, fishing and listening to the latest Assassination Time album. He wasn’t catching anything, fish didn’t seem to like metal very much. Fuck them, they’d written a whole album just for fish once, and this is how he was repaid?  
But he didn’t really care, he already had more fish that he would probably ever eat in his freezer.  
The album had finished. He got another beer and started it over again, it was some really good shit. He liked it.

****

Pickles and Knubbler sat in their office, sharing a joint. It had been two years since they’d teamed up to create what was fast becoming the biggest label in the world.  
Although he’d originally planned to sign only rock or metal bands, Pickled had quickly changed his mind. They now handled bands from all genres and from all over the world.  
Silas got all his band’s work done at no charge, but everybody else had to pay. They weren’t total dicks about it though, if they both agreed that a particular group or individual had potential, they’d often produce them at low cost.

****

_~Sometime later~_

They’d all arranged to meet at Mordland, which they still owned. It had been allowed to deteriorate and was very overgrown by now, but it just seemed wrong to sell it.  
It was early afternoon when they all reached the main gates.  
The huge and once impassible gate was partially open, and hanging from a broken hinge.  
Pickles had come alone, leaving Knubbler behind to handle the business. Yeah, Knubbler had been with them longer than Sy had, but he just wasn’t one of them.   
Sy had gotten there first and pulled off to the side, knowing his car would never make the trip in.  
Abandoning their cars and climbing into Nathan’s 4-wheel drive, they headed for the Haus. 

It was slow going, in places the road was completely impassible with fallen trees and general debris, but Nathan wove around (and in some cases over) the obstructions.  
Then they saw it. The Haus was still standing, still there, looking very shabby in the strong light. Even at the height of it’s splendor, it had always looked best against a dark sky. But the sun was a necessity, the power had been turned off a very long time ago.  
It took quite a bit of shoving to force the warped old door open enough for them to slip inside. There was so much stone, it should still be safe enough to walk around.  
This would be the first time inside since they had all left.

Moving through the rooms, there was an unreality about it all, seeing once familiar things covered in dust and leaves, vines even growing in places. Sunlight streamed through broken or missing windows, causing the dust of their passage to dance.  
The hot tub was empty except for the leaves that had become trapped there, long dried up. Their couches had sprouted an assortment do plant life.   
Their table, sturdy as it had been, was warped with moisture and age.  
They wanted to see their bedrooms, all of them.

Nathan’s huge bed was wrapped in vines, they had found their way in and decided to stay. Since he’d never really kept much in his room, there wasn’t a lot to see. A look in the closet revealed an old pair of boots he’d left, and a couple old t-shirts.  
They moved on, heading to another room.  
Toki’s was the next one, and hard to see into because he had no windows. Shadowy planes still hung from the ceiling, and although it smelled of mold, this room seemed pretty well preserved.  
But of course, it had been closed of way back when they’d first lost Toki, and he had taken none of his possessions when he’d left.

A short walk brought them to Sy’s room, and it looked about like Nathan’s had. He’d taken most everything with him when he left, so there wasn’t much to see.  
When they came to his room, Pickles checked all his favorite hiding places out of habit, but of course he’d cleaned them out long ago. There was a lot of stuff still here, even stuff from his Snakes n Barrels days. Most of it had been ruined by the encroaching elements, but he hadn’t planned to take it out anyway.  
Just seeing it all again, his things, his home, his past. Why did it make him want to cry?  
Not that he would, of course.  
Waving for them to follow, he left his room. 

In Skwisgaar’s room, the damage from the elements was more severe. His large windows had broken, and the once white room with dingy with mold and leaves. In most places, the invasive plants were thriving.  
In the corner, oddly untouched by any of the vines, were two guitars. Skwisgar’s and Toki’s on their stands and together forever. The strings were very rusted, but otherwise they looked oddly okay.  
Nobody touched them, or even considered touching them. Nobody even spoke.  
In silence, they turned as one and headed for Murderface’s room.

Murderface’s dungeon room was dark, but his weapon collection still gleamed in places where the rust hadn’t yet claimed them. It was hard to see much else.  
Poor Murderface, who had died saving them.  
Leaving, they headed for the manager’s quarters, the place where they’d spent their last days all together.   
The blood that had saturated this area had been erased by time, looking no different than the other floors they’d traveled. They went inside.

It was dim in here as well, but they could see well enough to move around.   
The couch, where Silas and Murderface had stayed, where the three of them had slept after the battle. Still unfolded and unmade, the sheets dark with some sort of mold.  
The other bedroom, where Nathan had stayed with Toki and Skwisgaar. The manager’s bed that Pickles had shared.   
There were too many emotions tied to these room, making their eyes burn, trying to get out.   
Not wanting to cry, they headed back to the main rooms.

Walking in silence through the sunny remains of their once ominous castle, it was almost funny how pleasant it all seemed now.  
There were of course rumors that it was haunted, but they didn’t believe it. Viking funerals didn’t make ghosts, they sent people on. They almost wished that it _was_ haunted, if that meant they could see their old friends just one more time.  
Making their way back to Nathan’s truck, they saw a couple wolves through the trees. It seemed that decedents of their yard wolves still lived here, that was nice.   
It was a good place for wolves.

The ride back to the gate passed in more silence, there was too much in the air between them that couldn’t be put into words, so nobody even tried.  
Getting out of the truck, the three survivors of what was once Dethklok hugged. Nobody was around to tell them that hugging wasn’t brutal, and they really didn’t care anymore anyway.   
Still without speaking, they got into their separate vehicles and headed down the road.  
When they reached an intersection, they each went their own ways, heading back to the lives they now led.  
They would keep in touch, of course.


End file.
